IN THIS ISSUE:

• Margaret Manning again visits Australia
• Terry Shannon posts her favourite art on her fridge
• Jay forwards this week's timely tips
• Don Henderson's story about weather forecasting confirms our fears
• Keith Elliott forwards some astute quotes
• Gerrit de Leeuw wonders how we ever learned to spell
• The editor is off again!

Margaret Manning embarks on another favourite trip, this one to

RURAL PLACES IN VICTORIA, AUSTRALIA

Christmas in a dreary motel room sounds like a poor way to celebrate the festive season. But that holiday, in 1997, was one of the best we ever had. As the exchange rate between N.Z. and Australia was poor at the time, we decided to try a chain of motels in the lower price range. We knew the cheaper places would not have cooking facilities so Christmas Day would definitely be different.

Our hearts sank when we saw our motel in Bendigo, north-west of Melbourne. It was old, and the only window in our small unit overlooked a concrete yard where the garbage bags were stacked. But it was only a short walk from the city shops, park and other amenities. We really loved Bendigo and came pretty close to migrating there following our visit. Among its attractions are many fine buildings from the heydays of goldmining, four lakes, a Chinese Dragon Museum, tours of part of the existing goldmine, a "talking tram tour" and the oldest pottery in Australia.

We had a picnic by one of the lakes on Christmas Day and were surprised at the number of people who arrived loaded down with food and drink. The BBQs around the lake were soon fired up, creating a very Aussie atmosphere. When we returned to our unit we found two gifts left by the owners - a lovely touch.

We moved on to Echuca, on the Murray River, for a morning cruise on the paddle steamer "Pevensey". This vessel was used in the old T.V. series "All The Rivers Run". The Murray was the main means of transport until decent roads were built. The crew were dressed in the style of that period and there were no words coming out of loudspeakers to explain everything. Instead, the crew moved about the vessel asking passengers if they wanted to know anything about the history of the boat and the river.

Barmah Lakes are a local attraction so we decided to visit. We had driven about 30 kilometres before realising we were on the wrong road. We had no water with us on a steaming hot day. We saw a new marina development with the beginnings of a shop, and were able to purchase cold drinks but nothing else. We retraced our steps and headed to Barmah Forest village where we found an enticing store-cum-cafe that kept us there for the rest of the afternoon. So we never saw the lakes, which are reputed to be teeming with bird life.

It was quite a long drive from Echuca to Horsham and we took another wrong road en route. We were surprised at the number of lakes we came across, many with tents and caravans parked alongside, being the height of the holiday season. The landscape otherwise was of vast fields of grain with tiny settlements at regular intervals. One of the places we wanted to see was Minyip. This town was used in the long running T.V. programme "Flying Doctors". We photographed the places used as the medical base, the garage, and, of course, the pub, where many scenes were shot.

As we sat outside the old store enjoying icecreams, a man came along and started chatting. We thought he looked like one of the characters in the T.V. series. Maybe it was just the setting we were in. He thought Eric was an actual flying doctor because he was wearing a hat and a tee-shirt emblazoned with the logo "Flying Doctors of Australia." Minyip is what I'd call reasonably isolated from anywhere else and it was still a bit of a drive to Horsham.

(To be continued)

Terry Miller Shannon describes

THE MASTERPIECE ON THE FRIDGE

At my house, you're never too old to get your artwork magnetted to the fridge. Last Christmas, my granddaughter and grandson spent an afternoon drawing at my kitchen table. My sons sat there, too, chatting and watching Victoria and Liam color.

After they all left, I sorted through the big pile of pictures. There, among the darling but primitive doodles one might expect from a five-year-old artist and a three-year-old one, was a true dazzler. It was a picture of Victoria, the five-year-old, featuring her blond embroidery-floss curls and enormous blue eyes. It had even captured the dimple in her chin.

Now, I always suspected Victoria was extremely artistic and our house is adorned with much of her work. But this drawing, of herself, was truly extraordinary. I planned to frame it.

In the meantime, I stuck it high on the refrigerator door in a place of honor. Then, just in case someone should miss the masterpiece, I pointed it out constantly, engaging in quite the brag-fest. My patient friends became well-rehearsed in their, "Isn't it amazing?" and "A budding Rembrandt!" comments.

Several times during our long-distance conversations I mentioned to Victoria's parents how impressed I was with her self-portrait.

"Well, she does like to draw," Aaron or Wendy would say vaguely. "I really don't remember that particular drawing."

"You must not have seen it," I told them. "You'd remember this!"

My other son, Tim, and his family came to visit. I was putting leftovers into the refrigerator when I caught sight of the amazing, incredible Victoria picture. I launched into my raving spiel: "Can you believe that Victoria? What incredible talent for a five-year-old!"

"SheMs a good little artist," Tim agreed. "Hey, let me see that picture."

I carefully handed it over.

Tim looked at the drawing, frowned, and then burst out laughing. "Victoria didn't do this! Aaron did."

"Whaaaat?!"

"Sure. We were talking and he started doodling, just absent-mindedly. I watched him draw this picture."

Oh, boy. While it was a truly spectacular masterpiece when I thought a five-year-old created it, it was considerably less extraordinary drawn by a grown man. From that perspective, it looked like an absent-minded doodle, all right. I tossed the picture into the trash and left the kitchen, trying not to think of how many people had been on the receiving end of my incessant boasting.

Late that night, though, I crept back to the kitchen and retrieved the artwork. In the bottom right-hand corner, I wrote, "Aaron, age 28." Returned to the place of honor on the fridge, it lacked its previous dazzle factor. But it was good for a chuckle.

Besides, it had been quite some time since I'd had masterpieces from my own children up on my fridge. Who knows when it will happen again?

Terry Miller Shannon and her son, Tim Warner, wrote a funny, rhyming picture book. Tim's three-year-old bath-loving son inspired TUB TOYS (Tricycle Press, 2002, second printing 2003). Children's Literature calls TUB TOYS "a must-have book for families" and Midwest Book Review says it is: "...greatly recommended...whimsical and fun." Check it out at http://tinyurl.com/9wxz

Jay forwarded this week's household tips:

BOUNCE DRYER SHEETS

And all this time you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer! It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also repels mice... spread them around foundation areas, or in trailers or cars that are sitting, and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.

It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get opened often.

Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.

Eliminates static electricity from your television (or computer) screen. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.

Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.... Freshen the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet. Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.

Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.

Freshen the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.

Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agent apparently weakens the bond between the food.

Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.

Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.

Eliminate static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.

Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.

Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.

Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight.

Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.

Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and storing them. Keeps them smelling fresh.

Don Henderson confirms our suspicions about

WEATHER FORECASTING

Residents of a northern Manitoba Cree community asked their Chief late in the summer if the winter was going to cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the Chief replied the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

Being a careful leader, he late went to the Band Office and phoned Environment Canada and asked, "Is the winter going to be cold?"

The man on the phone replied, "This winter will be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to urge his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later, he called the weather service again, "Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?" The employee replied, "Yes, it is going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief returned to his Band and implored them to go and find every scrap of wood they could.

Two weeks later he called the weather office again, "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

The government replied, "Absolutely, the Indians up north are collecting wood like crazy!"

Keith Elliott forwards these

ASTUTE OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE...

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall". (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. (Mark Twain)

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible. (George Burns)

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year. (Victor Borge)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. (Mark Twain)

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. (Les Dawson)

By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper)

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. (Alex Levine)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. (Mark Twain)

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol)

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman)

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. (Mark Twain)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' (Joe Namath)

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. (George Burns)

At my age flowers scare me. (George Burns)

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. (Herbert Henry Asquith)

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. (Lucille Ball)

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. (Bob Hope)

A woman drove me to drink - and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. (W.C. Fields)

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. (George Burns)

Gerrit de Leeuw wonders how we ever learned to spell in the first place.

THE PAOMNNEHIL PEOWR OF THE HMUAN MNID

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

THE POPE AND THE JEWS OF ROME

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

The Jews realized they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

EDITOR'S NOTE: By the time you receive this letter, through the kindness of my friend Dean, I will be in Ontario. I will be returning on October 15, so mail sent to me in the interval will probably go unanswered. But don't let that stop you from writing!

"It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own."

- Harry S. Truman