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Vol. X, No. 11 March 13, 2004 IN THIS ISSUE:
 Dalton Deedrick is almost finished his volunteer work in A MONTH IN AFRICA March 26 - Sunday. A "day of rest", so did up the laundry, and read the Sunday "Nation". It makes one shudder when one hears that Kenya is one of the best and most orderly nations on the continent. All of the volunteers are required to write a report on their experience and impressions of their time here, so that was my afternoon project. It would not be fair to make comparisons with our home country, as these developing nations have problems to deal with that are beyond our comprehension. Hiked over to the house shared by the three resident priests, all of them from Ireland. We shared a pot of tea, and they invited me to come to lunch with them tomorrow. Begorra! They all sound just like Barry Fitzgerald! There's an acquaintance in Nairobi who is a professional actor in their major company. Got a note from him suggesting I come and see their current play if possible. I'll run it by sister M.C. March 27 - Monday. Had lunch with the three priests. One is retired after 40 years of service in Kenya. I enquired if he was going back to Ireland. "No," he replied. "I couldn't stand the climate or the living expense back there." Had a final-stage AIDS patient turn up today. He had oral complications, but the most prominent features in his case were walnut-sized tumors all over his head. There was nothing I could provide, nor could the medical side, so he was doomed. There will be another family of orphans very likely, an enormous problem throughout this whole continent. The phone started working. Phoned Canada and all is serene there. Phoned my actor acquaintance in Nairobi and he says he will have two good seats reserved for next Saturday's matinee. They are doing George Bernard Shaw's "Candida". Pretty sophisticated stuff for sister M.C. and me! I haven't sounded her out on making the trek down there to see it. March 28 - Tuesday. Karieta day ... always a beautiful drive through a garden area of tea, coffee, and pineapple plantations. The mood was darkened when we went by the spot where the giraffe and her calf were seen a week or so ago. I wondered aloud to Michael how the little one was doing. "Oh," he said, "Some of the people killed it and ate it!" From our "outsider" perspective, this was a shocking act, but maybe we don't see it from the same viewpoint as the villager scrabbling to put a little protein into his children's diet. I wonder if any of us feel guilty when we order calves' liver and onions in a restaurant! A truck convoy was being assembled near Thika to take food and supplies up to Lake Turkana on the northern border of Kenya. Several armed guards were going along as there had been multiple road robberies on that route. Fifty-six patients, but we had the luxury of an electric light, and a cold-water tap and hand basin. The basin was a good 30 feet from the chair, so that meant 112 hikes to and fro. A lot better hygiene, though, than having one basin and the same water for a day. March 29 - Riata today, an hour's drive away. The usual line-up of 59 or so waiting. The clerk, Sister M.C. or Mathew, issues them numbers up to 50 in their turn, and latecomers usually drift away and hope to make the line next month. Very bad teeth in this area, and the usual soother is a stalk of sugar cane to suck on! Several howling young ones, and if one is noisy, you can bet the next two or three will pick up the chorus before they even get to the chair. Had a sad little teen-age girl in today who presented with the lower half of her face hidden in a scarf. When she unwrapped it, it revealed half of her lower jaw gone, but healed, so the incident must have happened years ago. Michael was able to understand something of what she said, and reported laconically, "A bullet." It is frustrating not to be able to talk to people in a common language. Met a large convoy of shiny black cars on the way home. In the largest and shiniest, replete with flags flying, was of course His Excellency, President David Moi. He had just given an address in Thika. He is not very popular in this area and always travels with lots of security. March 30 - To Kimothai today, over unspeakable, but happily dry roads. More trouble with the air valve, but hopefully a replacement will arrive with my successor this weekend. Had a couple of oddities today. One poor fellow had a great lump of tissue as big as a strawberry attached to the ridge of his upper jaw. He couldn't come within a half inch of closing his mouth. I sorted through my armamentarium for something suitable, and removed the lump. This revealed three root stumps of some long-lost incisors, so out they came. I think we have affected a cure in this case. Then along came a poor chap with a club foot, and the one he used to carry him was enormous - probably a size 20. He had crutches at least, and not a vaulting pole. He was barefoot, of course. One sees thing out here that are unheard of in North America. To be concluded.
Margaret Manning ponders the prevalence of OBSCURE THREE-LETTER WORDS I came across this list of so-called obscure three-letter words on some writers' pages on the Internet. A few of them are not at all obscure to me - it depends what you're interested in, doesn't it - but most were totally new to me. I'm always surprised at how many very short words there are that are rarely spoken or seen in print. And I think it would be fun to use the words in a different way. Two such words are "dop" and "fid". How I'd love to go up to someone who's annoyed me and call him a dop or a fid! Another thought I had was to make up clues for a cryptic crossword where the answers are some of these underused words. One I came up with is church and first pastor like mushrooms. Well, that's dead easy, as the answer is CEP. But it would be quite a challenge to make up clues for some of these words:
aba - garment of camel or goat hair Ed.: I'm going to print these out and use them in Scrabble!
BRITISH MUMS The following are actual replies that British women have put on Child Support applications in the section for listing father's details: 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? He was really good. Thanks. 4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by one of my stilettos in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket. 8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? 9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.
Referring to last week's story about THE MOST SPOILED PET IN THE WORLD Jean Sterling writes: I got to thinking about the spoiled dog who sleeps in the sun and decided that it would definitely not be a good thing if this dog had to move to Vancouver, seeing as how you call that part of Canada the wet coast. Poor dog would probably go into a deep depression or something. I asked my friend what Madison does on rainy days, and she said that Madison whines a lot. And I thought that cats were the only animals besides people that whined.
Kate Brookfield posted these THOUGHTS TO PONDER Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, never mind. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping"; now I just "chunky dunk". Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. My husband says I never listen to him - at least I think that's what he said. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
YA GOTTA LOVE THE IRISH! An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order." O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting. "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, or more, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good as well as the bad. He went on to tell his friends that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers. After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!" O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after I am gone."
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough." - Frank Crane |