|
Vol. IX, No. 28 July 12, 2003 IN THIS ISSUE:
 Margaret Manning reports on a successful project of rehabilitation: ARBOR DAY AT LAKE NGATU This article is somewhat late for Arbor Day. I wanted to check first on the native trees and shrubs planted around Lake Ngatu on 5th June. I can report they are all looking very good. Lake Ngatu is one of several dune lakes situated at the base of the Aupouri Peninsula in New Zealand's Far North. It is the only dune lake directly accessible by road. As a result it has always been a popular venue in summer for swimming, sailing, boating and jet-skiing, while Lakes Rotorua and Heather were rarely visited except by farmers with adjacent land. However, the margins of all three lakes suffered over many years from the effects of cattle grazing right down to the water's edge as adjacent farms were not fenced off from the lakes' environs. So farmers had quite a lot of extra and free grazing for their stock for many years without bother. Unwelcome nutrients from the farmland also entered the water. Pine and other non-native trees had appeared over the years at various sites around Lake Ngatu, and unwanted "rubbish plants" such as gorse, tobacco weed, pampas and wattles were taking over areas where flax, manuka and other native plants once thrived. In 1990 the Bushland Trust started a project involving the restoration of the lakes to their original condition. They needed the help of local schools and the community at large to assist in this work. The big plan was to stop cattle grazing right down to the water, get rid of the "rubbish plants", create a walkway linking the three lakes, and plant extensive areas in native trees and shrubs. The children at the local school have played a big part in planting flax and other similar shrubs in the paddock between the school and the lake. They have their own project of regularly collecting garbage left at Lake Ngatu by thoughtless visitors. Now, in July 2003 the Bushland Trust's project is almost finished, following the planting on Arbor Day of a further 2000 native trees and shrubs. Prior to the big day, an area of scrub on the northern side of the lake was cleared and a small pond with a drainage outlet to the lake created. More than 250 children, teachers, parents, neighbours and other locals turned up at Lake Ngatu on the 5th June to take part in the planting project. After a welcome in Maori by a local Kaumatua (Elder), prayers, and a blessing for the health and growth of the trees, helpers were allocated areas to plant. Eric and I ended up planting small trees in an area adjacent to the road, so we can see them every time we go past. Everything that was planted on Arbor Day seems to be growing at a great rate, the little pond is already full of water and the wetland flora around that, carefully planted by the younger children, have enhanced our area. There is already a noticeable increase in the number of ducks and birds visiting Lake Ngatu. As for the other two lakes, following the walkway right through requires more effort than we are prepared to give - it involves climbing over stiles - so I doubt if we will ever see the improvements that have happened there.
THE IMPORTANCE OF PROOFREADING ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord." ~ It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day. ~ There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting. ~ There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental. ~ In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake. ~ Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce. ~ In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error. ~ Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep." ~ In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers. ~ The marriage of Miss Freda van Amburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.
Ken Gilbert posted this: HEALTH NEWS In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Crme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And man said "Yea," and woman said, "And another one with sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds. God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then he said, "You want fries with that?" And man replied, "Yea! And super size 'em." And Satan said "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.
And speaking of health, Gerrit de Leeuw forwards this IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it ... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look! It goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat - your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain - Good. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie ... flour is a veggie!
HONEST DEFINITIONS ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
GOOD EXAMPLE A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you buy some Budweiser with it instead?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't gamble" the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "Hey, man, that's okay! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up Budweiser, gambling, and golf."
Kate Brookfield posted this one: MONEY It can buy a house, but not a home; It can buy a bed, but not sleep; It can buy a clock, but not time; It can buy you a book, but not knowledge; It can buy you a position, but not respect; It can buy you medicine, but not health; It can buy you blood, but not life; It can buy you sex, but not love. So you see, money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.... So send me all your money...and I will suffer for you. CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!
Estelle sends this article from the British Medical Journal: JETLAG AND HOW TO BEAT IT Now that summer is here, some of you will be off on a longhaul flight. But how can you counter the jet lag that can spoil the first days of a holiday? The prestigious research group, the Cochrane Centre, has carried out a thorough scientific study of the phenomenon, and has come up with a few provable remedies. Perhaps the single best thing you can do is take the supplement melatonin on arrival - great if you happen to be visiting the United States or Singapore, where it is freely available as a dietary supplement, but it could be a problem if you live in, or you're visiting, one of the many countries where it is controlled. It can't be bought in the UK or other European countries, or Australia, for example, where it is treated as a medicine. The Cochrane group reviewed 10 studies where melatonin was tested against a placebo. In eight of the studies, melatonin dramatically reduced the effects of jet lag. Overall, take 2 to 5 mg of melatonin at bedtime when you arrive, and for up to four days after, the group advises. Other tactics include the drinking of plenty of water and roughage, such as an apple, during the flight, and, on arrival, relax with a non-alcoholic drink, take a shower, and try and take a brief nap.
Jay forwards the story of a MAFIA GODFATHER A Mafia Godfather finds out that one of his underlings has screwed him out of ten million bucks. This underling happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the underling, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the underling where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The underling signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the underling's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The underling signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
TRUE STORY WITH A MORAL Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it. The question: Just two+ generations ago, in 1923, who was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the world's most successful of their day. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us if we know what ultimately became of them. The answer: 1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. 2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane. 3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. 4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless. 5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself. 6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide. However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen. What became of him? He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death. The moral: Screw work. Play golf. You'll live longer and be better off in the end.
"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can." - Sydney Smith |