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Vol. IX, No. 34 August 23, 2003 IN THIS ISSUE:
 ED. NOTE: You will have noticed that last week's issue was late; there is no guarantee that this issue will not be late also. My server seems to be receiving mail but not sending it, though the problem may have been cleared up by now. I apologize to you all for the inclusion of your addresses at the top of the test message I sent from another server - it was ignorance on my part, and inexcusable. I assure you that it will not happen again.
Margaret Manning starts a new series, My Best Ever Trips: OUR FIRST TASTE OF TRAVEL IN AUSTRALIA It was madness really, paying for an overseas trip when Eric had just been made redundant and I was working only four days a week. But we were fed up with working on our land in the middle of summer and needed a break. So when British Airways advertised a cheap return airfare from Auckland to Perth and Melbourne we decided to take our first trip to Australia. That was nearly 20 years ago, yet the memories are still vivid. By the time we reached Perth and collected our luggage it was past 11 p.m. - and a very hot night. We had no idea how far our motel was from the airport but were lucky to get in a taxi with a very friendly driver who knew the people at our motel. Not surprisingly, the place was in darkness. The cab driver offered to wait until someone answered the door. He could so easily have just left us outside the motel. The motel owners welcomed us, told us there was a swimming pool right outside our unit, lots of tours to do, and shops were just up the road. Yes, even at that time of night they were doing their marketing. We couldn't believe how hot it was the next morning and thought we might melt. We had arrived without sunhats so a trip to the local shops was a priority to buy hats and stronger sunblock than we used in New Zealand. We discovered that our motel was right by the beautiful Swan River, near a park, and also handy for buses into the city. Of the several tours we did, the cruise up the river to an historic house and a couple of vineyards was the best. It was a 'cool' Perth day of 37 degrees C. The wine-tasting started almost as soon as the boat pulled away from the wharf. There were lots of young people on board who were soon pretty tipsy. Part of the entertainment was singing along to Aussie tunes - such as 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport', and 'A Pub With No Beer'. After a hearty lunch and an amazing selection of wines, we wondered how the return cruise would go. We were even hotter after all the wine. Rock 'n' roll music was played and we had to choose a partner - someone we didn't know. As the young guys in their twenties were pretty drunk, they relished the prospect of women in their forties (and older) asking them to rock 'n' roll. We did a coach tour up the coast to Yanchep, a sort of minature Disneyland, took the bus to Fremantle, and did lots of walking about. The main public gardens in Perth are lovely and we visited several times. The pool outside our unit was also well utilised - the heat really got to us. We did find Perth a bit expensive if on a tight budget, which we were on that trip. After a week we got on the B.A. plane at around 1 a.m. to fly to Melbourne, where we arrived at 7 a.m. local time into a different world and a cooler climate. But that's another story.
Jean Sterling writes about her son's experience in the POWER OUTAGE I wasn't affected in Florida, but my son who lives in New York City was. He called on a cell phone around 9 o'clock Thursday night and wanted to know what was going on in New York City. I said, "Well, you live there - you tell me what is going on." He didn't know. When the power went off he walked down from his office on the 45th floor, and when he got down to the street he realized that he had forgotten to bring his emergency kit, which Banc of America gave all their employees after 9/11. Said kit contained two things he really would have liked to have - a battery-operated radio and a flashlight. Much as he would have liked to have those things, he didn't climb back up to the 45th floor. He is one of the few people in NYC who lives only a mile from where he works, so he went home. It got dark and hot, and he was sitting on his deck when he finally got through on the phone. Without power he couldn't turn on the TV and find out what was going on - all he knew was that the lights went out and didn't come back on. He was surprised to hear that a lot of cities and states plus Ontario were affected, and he was really glad to hear that the mayor had said that there appeared to be no evidence of terrorism. He said he planned to get a corded phone that would work without power and a battery-operated radio to keep at home. He said that people who worked for his company were supposed to call each other to find out where they were to go to work when something like this happened but that the phone numbers were all on the website. If the power was off the next morning (which it was) he thought he would go out to Secaucus, a hellhole in New Jersey, where the backup office is.
Don Henderson sends these overheard pilot/air traffic controller conversations: GROUND LOOPS FOR FREQUENT FLIERS While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between 'C' and 'D', but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" ~~~ A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." ~~~ Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" ~~~ Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, and yes, we copied Eastern...we've already notified our caterers." ~~~ The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206." Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 - but I didn't land." ~~~ O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 239 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
Keith Elliott forwards this one: TWO BLONDES IN HEAVEN Both blondes are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on how they had died. First Blond: "I froze to death." Second blonde: "Froze to death - how horrible!" First blonde: "Well, it wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?" Second blonde: "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV." First blonde: "So what happened?" Second blonde: "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then went through every closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died." First blonde: "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer - we'd both still be alive!"
Bruce Galway sends these INTERESTING FACTS Children laugh about 400 times a day, while adults laugh on average only 15 times a day. Twenty-seven percent of female lottery winners hid their winning ticket in their bras. Thirty-one percent of employees skip lunch entirely. Ninety-six percent of candles that are purchased are by women. A chance of a woman having twins is increased after the age of 35. About one in 27 women will give birth to twins after this age. After 50 the chances of having twins is one in nine. An average driver spends approximately two hours and 14 minutes kissing in their car in a lifetime. (Ed. - I wonder how they checked this one?) The amount of garbage that is dumped in the world's oceans is three times the weight of fish that is caught from the oceans. By walking an extra 20 minutes every day, an average person will burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year. There are five million scent receptors located in a human being's nose. One out of every four kids in the USA is overweight. Seventy-five to 90% of primary physician visits are due to stress. A blink lasts approximately 0.3 seconds. A diet high in fat is said to impede memory. A fetus develops fingerprints at 18 weeks. A little under one-quarter of the people in the world are vegetarians. A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for approximately 69 years. A person infected with the SARS virus has a 95-98% chance of recovery. A person will burn seven percent more calories if they walk on hard dirt compared to pavement. A sneeze can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.
Marion Telling writes: "With the spread of viruses (virii) about, the following url may be of interest to readers:" KNOW YOUR VIRUSES (VIRII) http://home.mcafee.com/virusinfo/global-virus-map?ctst=1
I received the following message from The Quote Garden: COMPUTER VIRUS There is a nasty computer virus going around that forges e-mail addresses. You might receive, or may already have received, a suspicious e-mail that looks as if it's coming from quotegarden.com. However, please be assured that we will NEVER send e-mails other than the daily quotations and important messages such as this. You will never find an attachment in an e-mail sent from us. If you receive any suspicious e-mail that appears as if it's coming from quotegarden.com, be assured that it is not.
Some of the virus e-mail subject lines you can be on the lookout for include:
The suspicious file attachments are likely to end in a PIF extension, for
example: If you see any of these suspicious e-mails, no matter who they appear to be from, DELETE THEM. Be sure the anti-virus definitions on your computer are up-to-date, and if you don't already have an anti-virus program, you should strongly consider getting one. Many of these programs will warn you about a virus before you open an offending e-mail.
Ron Hornbaker has started an interesting website: BOOKCROSSING Members release books into the wild, where other people will find them and read them. There are bookplates to be put in the front of the books, identifying them as free, not lost. It's fun and a great way of sharing books. Read all about the group and join the fun at http://www.bookcrossing.com/
Burke Dykes sends this BATCH OF CUTIES An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!" The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles." ~~~ After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say in a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?" ~~~ A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" ~~~ My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. ~~~ A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." ~~~ I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!" ~~~ A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife." ~~~ Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!" ~~~ When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights." ~~~ When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."
For any conceivable question, no matter how bizarre, there is some twisted genius somewhere who has devoted his life to researching the answer. - Cecil Adams |