Interpersonal
Communication
By
Bob ‘Idea Man’ Hooey
“It’s
important to talk to people in their own language. If you do it well, they’ll
say, ‘God, he said exactly what I was thinking.’ And when they begin
to respect you, they’ll follow you to the death.” Lee
Iacocca
Words
are powerful, so choose them with great care. Keep in mind, the 500
most commonly used business words in the English language have over
14,000 definitions based on usage and context. Choose them to best
communicate the message you want to convey, and say it in their
language, not yours. It works!
Communication
comes from the Latin root word ‘commune,’ which loosely
translated means ‘held in common.’ To effectively communicate we
have to go the extra mile to ensure those we are talking with
understand what we are saying as well as we do.
It is not just sending a message – it is creating a shared
meaning and mutual understanding – quickly, clearly and concisely.
We must also be an active listener to ensure we draw out and
understand what they are attempting to communicate to us. It is a
foundation for building a workable, lasting relationship – in work
or in your personal life.
When
you establish such a relationship, I’d suggest focusing on these
areas:
his
is the secret to effective communication – being open and flexible.
How we listen and respond will dramatically impact our ability to
understand and communicate.
Phrases
that fire them up
(or)
Phrases that dampen them
I
like that…
Be practical…
I’m
glad you brought that up…
You haven’t considered…
That
is great! We can do that…
The problem with that is…
I
agree…
I don’t see how that can work…
Yes,
I think you might be onto something…
No way that will work…
Great
work!
If I had been doing it…
We
can do something with that idea…
We don’t have the time for that
Tell
me more…
Let me tell you…
That
is interesting, could you explain…
I’m not interested
“The
real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the
right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the temping
moment.”
Dorothy Nevill
To
minimize the chance of being misunderstood, especially with so many
definitions, take a moment and paraphrase what is being said to you.
·
It
helps you get on track – the same track – with the speaker.
·
It
helps you focus.
·
It
helps identify areas that need clearing up.
·
It
let’s the other person know they are ‘actually’ being heard.
·
It
can help identify goals and common objectives – ‘commune’
Here
are some examples of paraphrasing:
·
Are
you saying…
·
If
I heard you correctly, …
·
Am
I understanding you that…
·
Let
me see if I understood you correctly…
Effective
communication, especially as a active listener, is based on:
·
Looking
at the person
·
Being
an active listener
·
Asking
questions
·
Searching
for common ground
·
Being
in the present – being present! (Two words – two meanings!)
·
Not
being stuck in the past or in history
·
Focusing
on ideas, concepts – not just the words
·
Willing
to deal with the issues, not the personalities
·
Being
positive and remaining open and flexible in your thinking.
“Communication
does not begin with being understood, but with understanding
others,”
W. Steven Brown
Some
interesting research in our early development – food for thought!
·
At
age one, the average child has a vocabulary of three words
·
At
fifteen months – nineteen words
·
At
two years of age – a working knowledge of 272 words
·
Age
three – big jump to 896 words
·
Age
four – 1,540 words
·
Age
five – 2072 words
·
Age
six – communication with 2,562 words
Wonder
how many words we have each added to that list? Words are tools that
paint a picture.
Copyright
2002-2003 Bob ‘Idea Man’ Hooey www.ideman.net
Bob’s Ideas At Work! have been successfully applied by 1000’s of
professionals across North America.
He is the author of 6 books and his articles appear in consumer
and trade journals.
