Crunch Time
Like so many other things, what I call crunch time can be divided in to three main categories. Before you get there, While you are there, and The interview stage or beginning.
The first part to keeping your self alive is not putting yourself in a position to get hurt. Sounds simple doesn’t it? You would be surprised how often people don’t follow this simple rule. I had a poster one time that had “10 rules to live by” and it was from the movie Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. The one that stuck out to me was “Don’t play cowboy in a room full of Indians”. I took that to mean that if you don’t belong, don’t go there unless you are prepared for trouble. It may be your right to go where ever you want but that doesn’t mean that the people there will respect that right. When I first joined the Army I went for a run and our Platoon Commander was pointing out various important buildings; we passed one and he said, “That is the Airborne Barracks. Don’t go there, they will hurt you.” So I didn’t go there.
For women this can be a bigger problem. Many of the violent crimes to women that I have known about could have been prevented if they had just not gone there. I know women who think nothing of going to places where some of the toughest guys I know won’t go. I know this may sound a little sexist but women are targets. I don’t care how tough you are, when a potential attacker looks at you they will see “Woman=Victim”.
The bottom line is this, think before you go somewhere. If you have been fighting with your violent Ex-husband don’t go somewhere private “just to talk”. If it is a Hell’s Angel bar and you’re not an Angel or with an Angel, you are looking for trouble. If the bar has paddy wagons in front of it, pick a different bar.
So now you have decided where you are going and you are pretty sure it will be safe. Does that mean its time to forget about Self Preservation? You got it, not bloody likely. All it means is that your chances of trouble are lower. At this point awareness is the million dollar word. If you are going to a bar, keep the drinking to a minimum. What’s that? It's a special occasion, and you want to party, eh? Well you have two choices. One, suck it up and take responsibility or, two, pass the responsibility to a friend you trust and who has good judgment and make him stay aware. I prefer the first one because I am in control of my destiny.
So now we are sober and prepared to stay out of trouble. What do we do now? I like to break it down to me and my surroundings. For me, by that I mean you, I think you need to project an image that repels trouble. The easiest way to explain that is to explain what it is not. It is not a victim attitude. By this I mean, head down, not looking at any one, meek, overly apologetic. Unfortunately, this is often the attitude many “experts” tell people to adopt. All this attitude does is paint a giant target on your chest. The other thing it is not is the hotshot attitude. By this I mean the over confident, Big Boy attitude. All this does is piss people off. If you piss people off then get your ass kicked it’s your own fault. Even if you’re a real tough guy eventually you will run into someone tougher or who hits you when you aren't looking. I always aim for the in between. I walk with my head up, very obviously aware of every one around me. I look people in the eye then move on. I don’t try and stare them down. The way I have always thought of the attitude I express is like saying, “I see you. Maybe you can take me but is it worth the chance? Move on, there are smaller fish.” Not challenging but not meek and afraid. (For more on developing this confident attitude read A Lesson in Confidence)
As for my surroundings, you have probably heard the axiom, “Always sit with you back to a wall.” It is a good creed to live by. If you are in a bar, place your self out of the flow and keep looking around. Take in the sights and the threats. If you are walking down the street and you see a large group of drunken punks, cross the street well before you get there. The secret is not to be surprised. If you are aware you can hopeful avoid the situation. If you can’t avoid the situation by being aware of it ahead of time you can control it.
The interview is the part of an altercation when the attacker is trying to intimidate you and deciding whether you are an easy target or not. This is a very important part because taking control of the interview can help you deal with the sometimes crippling fear that can come before a violent altercation. The funny thing is that if you have some training in physical Self Preservation skills, you have less chance of losing because of fear if you are jumped. In a case like that you will defend yourself instinctively. The real fear comes when you are confronted and purposely intimidated.
During the interview you should be looking for some of the tell tale signs of impending violence. This does two things, it lets you become prepared, so you can effectively handle the situation, and it covers your ass. If you end up in court you can relate how you came about the conclusion that he was going to attack you. In court every thing is based on “a reasonable person” and if you can show conclusively that you were reasonable in your assessment you will have a better chance. Signs to look for are: Clenched fists and jaw, tucking the chin down to protect the throat, shifting of stance with the shoulder dropping, eyebrows drop down to protect the eyes and a dropping of their center of gravity. This is by no means an exhaustive list but most of these things are natural, instinctive ways the body prepares for violence. Repeating which of these you actually saw (and you will probably see them if you look for them) is much better than “He scared me.” Research these, and be prepared. Talk to a lawyer and find out the proper way to protect yourself legally in the event of a situation like this. Now, on to how to one deals with the interview.
The first part you need to do is decide whether or not it is worth fighting for. I know that the conventional wisdom is to leave when ever possible but lets face it sometimes you need to stand up, be a man (or woman) and fight for what you believe in. So first question, “Is it important enough to fight over?” If it isn’t then back off. Do it in a controlled manner but back off. If it is yes then ask yourself, “Am I willing to do some serious damage to this guy?” This is an important question for two reasons. First, it puts you in the right mindset to fight aggressively and effectively. Second, if you aren’t willing to really hurt somebody, you will lose because they probably won’t have the same problem. So again, if the answer’s no, disengage and leave. The key here is to be reasonable and pay attention. If some guy comes up to you in a pub and says, “Hey man that’s my table.” Don’t automatically think he is causing trouble, ask him what he means. If he says “Well my wife and I sat there 10 years ago on our first date.” Be a sport and let him have the chair. See what I am getting at? When I say some things are worth fighting for I think it is understood that most things are not. (For more on De-escalation read A lesson in De-escalation)
If all things point to yes and you need to fight now you take control of the interview and the whole altercation. Be abrupt and ask directly, “Listen I am not gonna back down. Are you really willing to fight over this?” As soon as he makes an affirmative….hit him. Put him down and out, fast and move quickly to safe area. There is some debate on whether you should leave entirely or stay and talk to the police. I would say this; When in doubt protect your and you loved one’s bodies, if that is not an issue then protect yourself legally. Prison is preferable to death or serious injury and if you handle yourself right you probably won’t go to jail. (For more on this read The Before and After Rule )
In all of this, if you follow one simple rule you should do OK.
Try and avoid it, try to deescalate it, if you can’t finish it quickly.