A Lesson in De-Escalation
Most self defence programs deal with the physical skills needed to defend your self incase of an assualt. However, the best defence against an attack is not to get attacked in the first place. Avoidance is best but when you do get in a confrontation that calls for de-escalation. A few simple areas of study can greatly increase you ability to successfully de-escalate any confrontations or at least let you know when your efforts have failed.
Body Language:
Practice reading body language. Body language accounts for the bulk of human communication, however, most people don’t recognize it consciously. Most people are simple affected on a sub conscious level with out realizing how. One important aspect of body language training is learning to recognize pre-assualtive signs such as a clenching of the fists and jaw, a lowering of the chin or eyebrows and the “thousand mile glare”. Geoff Thompson and Richard Dimitri, among others, have covered this type of body language extensively.
Just as important is using body language to communicate. By properly reading your would be assailants body language, you can better craft your de-escalation attempt. Also you can use proper body language that will affect him unconsciously, again, putting you at the advantage. There are hundreds of good books on body language and non verbal communication. Check your local library; they are normally in the interpersonal relationship or personal networking sections.
Verbal Communication:
Choose your words carefully. Make a conscious effort to think before you say anything. Besides just being plain smart, thinking before you speak will have the added benefit of helping you stay clear headed. One little trick that use is that I try and sound “cool”. I don’t say anything unless I think it could have come out of Clint Eastwood’s mouth. It keeps me from getting in to four letter exchanges. In short it helps me remember to thin before I speak.
What you say will often depend on how you are reading the other persons body language but one particular aspect is often overlooked: Tone. The tone of your voice can totally change how the other person receives what you are trying to say. I am sure you have all come across this in some way in your personal lives. Learn to control your tone. Practice putting the emotions you want in to what you say rather that what you are actually feeling. The best way to practice this is to do it in the home and the work place. Keep that sarcasm or the anger out of your voice, it will improve your interpersonal skills as well as teach you a skill.
Another important aspect of verbal communication is to realize that people don’t always mean what they say. NLP teaches that certain people interpret the same word differently. Keep that in mind when you speak and when you listen. Look to other cues such as body language and tone to give you clues as to the true meaning of what someone says.
Personal Space:
Protect your personal space. Set yourself a distance that you feel comfortable with and don’t let people in it. Use a “Fence” stance to advertise your space. It presents an obvious physical barrier that says “stay out” but at the same time it is a stance that says “Listen, I am open. Let’s talk”. Remember body language?
Environment:
Related to personal space is your environment. Always know where you are and what is around you. If you know where you are at all times you will be less likely to find yourself cornered. Also pay attention to anything that can be used as a weapon or be used as an obstacle to aid your escape. Know your exits at all times. Where is the closest one? Which is the easiest to get to? They aren’t always one and the same. Where are the alternate exits? Where are possible bottlenecks? These are all questions you should be asking yourself.
Relax:
Stay calm. I can’t stress that enough. If you let your temper get away from you, you will not de-escalate the situation. Just try and relax. I know it is hard but try any way. Develop a routine that can be done quickly to help calm your self. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I roll my shoulders and my neck real quick. It helps relax me. You will never be as relaxed in a confrontation as you would sitting on the couch but every little bit helps.
Lastly, remember that de-escalation requires you to think on your feet. Every situation is different. The more you know how to read people the better chance you have of affecting the de-escalation strategy that is appropriate to the scenario. To truly be proficient in self defence, you have to be part athlete, part actor and part psychologist. Everything that I mentioned here can be used in daily life. Use them as much as possible in everyday situations to become more proficient at these skills; they may save your life one day.