A Tenacious Christmas Story
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Greetings, fellow Asylum patients! It has been too long, and yes I know I’ve teased you with mentions (or threats?) that I was planning to reopen the Tenacious Asylum (now at www.tenaciousasylum.com ). Well, trust me I still intend to; in what form I have not determined, but it will be full of goodness, that’s for damn sure!!! When, I cannot say, except it’ll be *when it’s ready* (and when I’m ready) J
For now, I will share with you a real-life holiday story…I ask that you read it twice. On the second time read it and think about what you are thinking and feeling as you’re reading it. In other words, pay attention to your self. There will be a quiz at the end!!!
And now, I present to you:
A Tenacious Christmas Story…
BACKGROUND:
I have been volunteering for a charity named CARTS for the past couple of months. (Check out http://carts.givemeaning.com and http://www.cartsvictoria.ca/ for more info on the charity.) We go out on Friday nights to the streets of downtown Victoria and hand out food, hot chocolate, and clothing to the homeless population.
PART ONE: Sanity
Things started out just as usual. It had been pouring rain all evening, but Mother Nature decided to give us a break and stop the rain for the time we were out (yay!). We prepared for our journey near the Capital 6 theatre and headed toward the needle exchange office. We stopped there for a short while, handing out food bags and lots of socks and other supplies. We then embarked on our next journey; a route that would take us to the StreetLink Emergency Shelter.
So far, so good. It was a beautiful warm evening—perfect weather for our journey through the neighbourhood. It was a slow night for us; not many customers (a good thing, I suppose). But this average, yet fulfilling, evening would soon yield the most madness I’d witnessed since I looked inside my cats’ litter box (don’t ask)…
PART TWO: Insanity
As our caravan moved down Pandora Ave., we came across a man drinking cans of Colt 45 beer outside of Swan’s. His empties were scattered by the street shoulder and on the sidewalk. He obviously wasn’t too concerned about concealing himself from the police!
We stopped to give him a food bag, and he got up and took it. In his inebriated state he stumbled onto the shoulder of the road. A few cars passed by and he started yelling at them, making use of much explicit language.
(Now, I can’t say I hadn’t seen it once or twice before on my outings. Not much, mind you. The fact of the matter is that 99% of the people we deal with are thankful and pleasant. Even when they are not in a rational state of mind, our positive energy (and goodies!) seems to calm them down. Also, note I have seen much worse behaviour from “normal” people drunk outside of nightclubs back when I was a Kabuki Kab pedicab driver!!)
Things did not stop there…he began to take up space in the driving lanes as cars tried to avoid him. He was freakin’ losing it! As a witnessed this, I thought, “Oh my, this isn’t good.” I was getting the inkling that I would see more chaos as the seconds ticked by.
By now, almost everyone with CARTS was standing on the sidewalk watching this guy yelling at cars and asking to be hit. A couple of CARTS volunteers who had first interacted with the man were near him and were trying to keep him “contained” to one lane of the road so that he wouldn’t be struck. Meanwhile, a 9-1-1 call was placed to get the police over here before something bad happened.
So there they were: two CARTS volunteers and this man blocking a lane of traffic. The man then proceeded to get down on his knees, kneel his head to the ground, and then started to take the layers of clothing of his torso. “Oh my,” I thought, “This isn’t good.” From seeing this, I believed he was going completely insane; I assumed he would proceed to take all his clothes off (but thank goodness he didn’t!)
Then a particular truck drove up, a blue pickup, and I saw the man walk in front of it and yell at the truck like he had all the other cars passing by. Except, he stood in front of this truck and wouldn’t move; he started banging on the hood! This went on for a minute and a half. I was feeling worried, thinking that I would soon see a violent confrontation. If the crazy man attacked, could I just stand by and watch? Surely I would want to act, but do what? I haven’t been in a struggle in forever! So I accepted my role as mere spectator and continued observing.
Some more yelling and talking ensued, of what content I could not discern. I knew that one of the CARTS volunteers, Arie, had been a police officer in the Netherlands at one point, so I felt a bit more at peace that there was someone here that knew how to handle this (because I sure didn’t!)
After what seemed like an eternity—especially since we were in downtown yet nobody was coming—one police car finally showed up. The officer, who was by himself, got near enough to the man to speak with him and attempted to keep him calm.
As the negotiations proceeded, a car that had been parked on the shoulder drove off. The driver shouted [toward the officer], “Just shoot him, for Christ’s sake!”
Finally, after what seemed like another eternity, the backup finally arrived, and a few opportunistic moments later the police had the man in custody. Nobody hurt, thank God.
BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON? What led this guy (who I assume had gotten drunk before) to go w-a-y the ef over the edge? I was making all sorts of assumptions during the proceedings. Well, his buddy was nearby, and told us some important info that would have helped in my “assumption-forming”…his uncle had just died two days before. And the blue truck that particularly captivated the crazy man? It turned out they knew each other—he wanted the driver to run him over and thought his friend would be willing to make his wish come true. Yes, it all makes a little more sense now (although none less tragic)!
PART THREE: Insanity Continued
“Surely that’s enough insanity for one evening, no?” [insert lightening strike here].
This unsettling event being over, we continued on our mission. We hit the StreetLink Shelter, and normalcy seemed to fill the air once again. But it was not to be. (Yes, a huge surprise considering the title of this section!)
After StreetLink we stopped by the old Janion hotel by the railway depot to do a prayer circle, which is just like it sounds—we form in a circle and say a little prayer to God. As we were about to form the circle, Arie saw two street people, a man and woman, walk near. The woman was covered in a pink blanket or robe. She appeared naked underneath it, not even wearing any shoes. So, in his good conscience, Arie offered them some clothing.
For this kind gesture, the man brandished the pointed edge of a bottle opener. Threateningly, he shouted, “Don’t come near…I will defend my wife!” He said it a couple more times. Arie didn’t move, nor did he. I stared at this man, not believing him at first. I laughed. I thought he was joking—his reaction was too much to be serious, no? After a few malevolent looks my way, I realized he was serious.
The woman went ahead of him, not saying anything and certainly not seeming in the best of conditions. The man finally started walking by us, all-the-while staring and shouting at us that he was prepared to “defend his wife”. He was acting like an angry dog backed into a corner.
So for the second time in the evening, we were witnesses to insanity, to anger, to fear. For the second time in the evening, a call to 9-1-1 call was placed. While Arie made the call, the rest of us continued with our prayer circle (after the man & women had gone some distance away—although we could still hear the man shouting.) Arie & another man stayed for the police to arrive, but the rest of us had witnessed enough insanity for an evening, and left.
Arie & the other volunteer soon re-joined us for our trip back to home base. He informed us that, with the police there, they all confronted the man and it wasn’t long before the man tried to attack and was taken into custody. I do not know why the man acted the way he did. I can only assume alcohol and a pre-disposed fearful state of mind from earlier.
Oh, what a night!
TIME…TO THINK
(don’t be scared, come on, give it a shot :o)
On Christmas Eve-eve, a time of year cherished by so many (and the only time some people ever exhibit a “Christmas Spirit”), I was a witness to people in an unfortunate state of mind. Myself, I have touched the edge of *uncontrolled* insanity (although not to such an external degree); I’ve been on the brink of “losing it”. It is not pretty to observe and an agonizing state to be in. I understand the importance of “controlling the insanity”. How do I control it, you ask? It comes from making a decision to take active control and responsibility for my life, including my thoughts and feelings.
I asked you to monitor your thoughts as you read the story. For example:
Your thoughts, after reading the story, probably led you to experience feelings in one direction or another…either you had thoughts that led to you feeling compassion, sadness, or understanding amid the fearful, disturbing moments (e.g., thinking, “Man, that person really needs some love”); or thoughts that led to feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment (e.g., “Damn homeless!”).
SO WHAT’S MY POINT?
How your mind works is important to understand!!!!!!
THOUGHT is the most powerful force in the universe. EVERYTHING is created from thought. Your thoughts determine your view of reality and in turn your decisions and actions. When you consciously decide what you desire to think & feel about things, that is true control. BUT, as you may or may not be aware, it’s not as direct as saying, “Okay, I’ll think [or feel] different now,” and everything’s changed. Nope, but it isn’t as hard as you might think either.
(take your time through these next few sections, folks)
I wrote the story for two purposes: first, to provide perspective when you’re busy and stressed out that HOLY SHIT IT COULD BE WORSE, but man IT SHOULD BE BETTER!
A typical scenario: when you experience a slew of negative emotions and have no good idea how to take change this inner world of yours, you feel scared and start to panic. A part of you is screaming, “I want to feel good! Do something!!!!” You want things to feel better, and resort to old and/or bad habits to find moments of those good feelings you used to have (or at least to take a break from the bad feelings). You begin a self-perpetuating cycle. Drinking, playing chess, yelling at someone, blaming “the Man” for your misery. Distractions, self-pity, and replacing or fighting a negative emotion with another negative emotion (say, replacing sadness with anger, or anger with guilt, or being angry at someone when someone displayed anger towards you) are typical things we do when we’re down. Oh, then there’s also the strategy of suppression and repression to get rid of (yah right!) those nasties. Does that apply to anyone you know?
The more you believe that something outside of yourself has to change in order for you to feel good/powerful, the more “evidence” you will find in your life to prove the “fact”. You will buy a car, and feel good for a while. You will get a promotion at work, and feel more powerful. You will get a hot girlfriend and feel loved. Conversely, you will lose any of these good things and feel horrible. In your mind/reality, finding happiness, power, and love becomes an external quest, something that rests outside of yourself. Uh oh, rough waters ahead!!
The people I witnessed on Christmas Eve-eve were on the extreme side—and I’m not talking about the good side—of the “self-empowerment spectrum”. (Although, I will say for the record that anyone can bounce back from this—sometimes people need a helping hand; they need some guidance, a gentle nudge or reminder.)
BUT it doesn’t have to be that way, and should not be, for ANYBODY.
Which gets me to the second purpose of why I wrote this piece. I wanted the little exercise that went along with the story to make crystal clear that all your perceptions of everything are based your thoughts and feelings, which are based on your *current* set of beliefs. You are not perceiving truth directly, but instead your are making up the “truth” in your head. There is nothing outside of your mind. (Whoa dude!!!)
Better read that last paragraph again.
Think back on what you thought and felt as you were reading the story (hopefully you read it slowly enough to think and feel—otherwise take a few minutes & go back & reread it). Did you spend very much time forming opinions on the story, or did it come pretty quick? Well guess what? Those were ‘gut reactions’ and ‘instant thoughts’. They came from some “mysterious realm”—your invisible inner world.
The vast majority of your thoughts and feelings are brought into your awareness automatically, so it would seem. In other words you 1. get a bunch of thoughts about what you’re perceiving (or are fantasizing about) and 2. experience feelings based on those thoughts. It happens before you know it! You, the perceiver, “experience the moment” with the thoughts and feelings that came into your head.
But what you think and feel is based on the past—your usual reference point as you go about experiencing your day. 99% of what you normally encounter is similar enough in your mind that you react the same to it as you did before. Your “now reality” is based on the past. You have carried the past ‘vibe’ (an emotion attached to a thought) into the now (or in the future, if you are fantasizing). If it’s a nasty vide, well then you’ve just invited it back in…nice going, buddy!
And here’s the clincher…because your now emotion is actually a past vibe you’ve inadvertently let back in, your present actions are affected by the past. For example, if you had a bad experience speaking in public in the past, you attached a negative emotion to it (you created a bad vibe). If you do nothing to address the problem, the next time you need to speak in public, you will think about the past incident, re-experience the bad vibe—or sometimes even skip thinking about the past and go right to the bad vibe—and your action will either be to run away or perform with the bad vibe attached (and likely hate it even more next time, or at least not give as good a performance as if you’d felt good going in.)
Let’s fantasize for a second…wouldn’t it be nice if you could get rid of that nasty emotion you feel right now, or that unsettling thought are thinking about, whenever your mind goes back into the past to “scope out” a present situation (e.g., you’ve just found out you’ve got to speak in public again!) It would make living in the now so much easier, especially when you feel stress coming at you from all directions, wouldn’t it? It’s not rocket science, folks…all too often, people spend their lives running away from situations they fear or live below their “potential”, when all the while they could have dealt with the shit that stops them and moved on. It’s not hard to do if you know what to do and have a little motivation to get it done J
But I’m getting ahead of myself (for the first time in my life, really. Hah!)…
Remember that “mysterious realm” that I mentioned a few paragraphs ago; you know, the one that sends out those thoughts into your conscious mind as you go about your day? It’s your subconscious, baby! It runs the show about 95-99% of the time. Your subconscious BELIEFS play a huge role in your reality. Whether you are living a mundane life or an amazing, empowered life, it is because of the beliefs in your subconscious—it as simple as that! So, for you to have a lot of goodness in your life, in your feelings, in your reality…you need empowering beliefs—and they’ve got to be in your subconscious. (In other words, just consciously knowing a positive belief isn’t good enough—it’s all about going deep!)
This Christmas/Holiday Season, I am sharing the gift of insight (one that I am understanding more every day)…that we do create our own realities, and our subconscious beliefs play a massive role with that. So, if your reality isn’t everything you’d like it to be, or if you often experience negative emotions (sadness, anger, guilt, shame, inadequacy, depression, etc)…it’s because of the beliefs in your subconscious.
On the other hand, if your reality is “perfect” to you, well…in your mind, you are right. That is what you believe, and it is your reality—until things in your outer reality take a turn for the worse and you completely fall apart mentally! Woops, guess things weren’t so perfect after all. (That’s what’s known as a wakeup call.) The subconscious is a very good at its job; a true master craftsman. It can delude you into thinking that everything’s great—remember, it runs the show. It will create “blinders” that you wear 24/7, in order for you not to notice there’s anything worth addressing. It will take some conscious effort in the case of denial/delusion, along with enough pain to force you to look within.
So I ask…why not open yourself up to the possibility there’s another way to view reality, no matter how perfect or imperfect you see your outer reality as being. It all starts on the inside. If you’re afraid (or you simply refuse) to look at and challenge whether your beliefs are empowering you or not, then it’s probably as good an indication as anything that you need to be looking at them (since refusal to look at your beliefs is itself a limiting belief). Remember, the unconscious has a funny way of “convincing” you that everything’s fine so that you don’t go underneath, realize everything’s not, and then panic and freak out. BUT by knowing you can, without too much difficulty—without too much pain—change those beliefs and change your life, that belief might let your subconscious give you ‘permission’ to investigate the pieces that make up your inner puzzle and change the ones you don’t like. Just think, you can choose to get rid of those beliefs that limit your greatness AND adopt beliefs that promote your greatness! And I can assure everyone reading this, that this power is available to anyone who wants it.
“Unlimited possibilities”, “you can do anything you put your mind to”, “all the greatness of the universe is within you”, and other B I G messages have become clichés. The truth gets lost among all the distractions in our lives.
“Yah right, but first let me work my 8 hours and have a few beers and relax and then you tell me where I can find the time and energy to ‘be anything, do anything’. I can barely find the time to sleep!” The notion is dismissed or put off, and the never-ending cycle of less-than-greatness continues. (And by less-than-greatness, I mean a less-than unbelievably fulfilling life.) As my good buddy Anthony Robbins once said, “The road to Someday leads to the town of Nowhere.”
I can guarantee that if you don’t take any effort to change those beliefs, they aren’t likely to change by themselves (at least not for the better). Once a belief is in your subconscious, it tends to self-perpetuate…in other words, if it’s an empowering belief it gets stronger and if it’s a limiting belief it get stronger too!
I’ve had the luxury of not having a job/career for a while now. I say luxury because in that time I’ve gone searching for new beliefs and truths and ways of seeing reality that are way more empowering than the ones I took for granted. To be honest, I was scared when I discovered where I am versus where I could be…a big, BIG disparity! I started hating myself for not being this “ideal” human being and using all my “potential”. I sometimes wished that I was never made aware of all the possibilities and opportunities, because it’s a lot easier to live in a cage when you don’t know about the world that lies on the outside!
But I have shifted my notion of reality, and I choose not to put the blinders on now that I’ve taken them off. Living with blinders on may feel safe, but by taking them off there are so many more possibilities! What I discovered though, was that there are some ways to take the blinders off that are less painful than others. Awareness and change can both be painful processes, and are stressful too.
I’ve been through a lot of shit these past few years. But it was worth it; I needed to feel enough pain to be willing to change, to move forward. Most people do, I suppose. I’ve learned a lot of lessons, firsthand and otherwise; one of which is: don’t wait till the pain becomes unbearable! At the same time, be careful that your life’s purpose doesn’t turn into a perpetual attempt to make sure the pain stays “tolerable”. In this case, a painful wakeup call is better than no wakeup call at all! So I say it now…WAKE UP!!!!!
I am still learning tons—oh my God there is so much goodness out there if you have the time to look! I realize this though, that there is so much out there that I’ve often felt overwhelmed, leading to “system shutdown”. Preventing this from happening is one of the keys I’ve found towards moving forward.
As a fellow patient I know that you care. About yourself or about society, and hopefully about both—the inner and the outer. You may not know all the questions or have all the answers (and if you do have all the answers, I’m all ears!) or even think there are questions to find the answers to, but you care. That is MASSIVE.
My mission—as Head Patient, aka Patient #001 (yes, I get the extra-cushy padded room with a trampoline floor hahaha) of the Tenacious Asylum—will be to offer you ways of *waking up* that don’t make you want to go back to bed. I do not have all the answers to all the questions, but to a few key questions, I trust in the answers I’ve found. And I will share these answers with you in due time. I will also share my questions, for it’s easier to do a quest when you have comrades! As I find more answers, I will share them. I will give you lots of goodness, and I’ll try to pace myself…too much of anything too fast is not always the greatest thing!
Do not worry, your mind will be blown!!!!! Yeah, baby!! J
I’m not a believer that we need to wait for the second coming of Jesus, or aliens, or some power outside of ourselves for there to be world peace, Heaven on Earth, and all those other wonderful conceptions that right now are hard to conceive of ever happening. I will not wait for someone to deliver something when I myself (and you yourself) can create it…what if that ‘someone’ never comes?
This Christmas, as a fellow patient of the Tenacious Asylum, I have chosen to give you the gift of awareness. Do not take it lightly. Just by reading this email, you are probably more aware than 95% of the population! I’m not boasting either—very little of this knowledge I’ve come up with myself. It is knowledge, much like “the Force” in Star Wars, that can be used for both good and evil—your choice.
Throughout the ages great thinkers have uncovered the secret, a secret used by the most successful people in history—that making lasting change in your outer world begins by changing your inner world. There is no escaping it. Otherwise, two steps forward, two steps back…yuck!
It is your decision when, if ever, to accept this secret into your reality and start taking control—baby steps at first! It will transform your life.
Believe, dear patients, believe.
Of course, there’s more to understanding where to focus your energy—you also have to have some idea of what beliefs would be good to change or remove, and of course knowing what beliefs you would want to have! Oh, and how to do all that changing too.
I bet you’re sooooooo curious, aren’t you. Well, what a perfect opportunity to leave you in suspense. Hahahahah!!!
Happy Holidays and until next time, remember to Control the Insanity!!!! Dan
PS Questions? Comments? Talk to me! dan@tenaciousasylum.com