The Tenacious Asylum

The Home for Controlled Insanity

Issue #004, Saturday, October 23, 2004

Compiled, edited, and published by Daniel Tourigny

Asylum Wings

From Command Central

Howdy everyone! It's been almost a month since the last issue of the Tenacious Asylum--where has the time gone?? There's been a number of great changes since then. First, we have new article contributors!!! Yes, I'm no longer the sole provider of content for the TA (finally :-). Secondly, almost a dozen new patients have been checked in, either voluntarily or from a group intervention by loved ones. A warm, fuzzy greeting to all those receiving this newsletter in your inbox for the first time! In case you still haven't read the first issue click here, or for the second issue, click here, or for the third issue, click here.

There's some crrraaaaazzzzzyyyy stuff in this fabulous fourth feature of the fantastic Tenacious Asylum, so without further adieu...read on!!!

Ranting and Raving

This week's topic: Keep Your Door Locked in Case You Get a Visit from "Mike from Upstairs"

The following article has not been embellished in any way. Feel free to send in your comments. I'll update this story as soon as I find out more.

I was shocked. I was amazed. I was flabbergasted. I ran to my journal and wrote everything down so that I wouldn't forget any details. I couldn't believe what just happened. Let me explain...

Earlier this week, I was busy helping a business client work his way around Simply Accounting. He'd brought his laptop over, as he had done several times before, and we were slogging our way through entering receipts. Just as we were finishing up our session--at around 7:30pm Thursday evening--there was a loud knock at the door.

Not expecting any company and not having heard anyone call up to be let into the apartment building, I was obviously curious as to who might be at the door. A neighbour wanting to borrow a cup of sugar for a recipe, perhaps? A visitor knocking on the wrong door? Well, to answer both questions, sort of.

Looking into the peephole, my eyes were met with a thumb print--someone was covering it up! I got a little nervous. Maybe it was a joke.

I immediately took on a serious tone and called out, "Who's there?"

"Open the door and find out," was the male voice's stoic response. I got a lot more nervous. This wasn't a joke.

"What the fuck (WTF)," I thought as I quickly tried to plan my next query. "What do you want," I asked, "Why do you have the peephole covered?" By this time my adrenaline was starting to pump throughout my body.

"Open the door. I want to talk man-to-man," he replied, sounding more urgent and even more serious than before.

Someone must have wanted to kick my ass, I figured. My brain started running a mile a minute, trying to conceive of all the people I'd pissed off lately. People who'd be angry enough to come after me. I couldn't come up with anyone! WTF? was all that I could think of.

Figuring the person had the peephole covered because he either had a weapon or some badass goons along with him, I yelled out, "Hell no, I'm not opening the fucking door! Who are you?"

In a quiet, almost subdued way, he responded, "It's Mike from upstairs. We need to talk. NOW." I was SURE there was some sort of mistake.

But this man was persistent! After demanding that I open the door several more times, I finally said, "Listen, I don't know who the fuck you are or WTF you're talking about. You've got the wrong apartment. I'm not opening the door!" At this point I was ready to dial 9-1-1.

Then the voice asked something like (I couldn't understand exactly), "I want to talk about price." Price? What? WTF????

After once again pleading complete ignorance, the voice asked for my name. I told him. Then, to my surprise, he told me who he really was: an officer with the Saanich police department. He finally removed his finger from the peephole, and sure enough, in the hallway in front of my door were two of Saanich's finest men in blue.

Two thoughts occurred in my head simultaneously: one, a great moment of relief from realizing that it wasn't "Mike from upstairs" wanting to kill me; and two, trying to figure out why in the hell the Saanich Police would lie to try and get me to open the door. Not only lie, but to pretend to threaten me to open the door (I don't exactly see how that would have worked?)

I opened the door, and one officer, whom I'll call Officer Sketchy was very insistent that I let them in, "just to talk and so as not to embarrass [me] in front of [my] neighbours." As I escorted them inside, Sketchy saw my business client sitting in the living room and asked that we speak, "just around the corner", and pointed to my bedroom.

I would have none of that. Upon entering the living room, I asked the officers why they had lied the way they did to try and get me to open the door. All Sketchy said was that, "sometimes people don't want to talk to the police." (As if people want to confront some wacko wanting to shit-kick you!) I couldn't help but feel that it was a weak excuse for what they had done. Anyway, at the time I did not want to debate the merits of their tactics. I just wanted them G-O-N-E.

I asked what they wanted. Sketchy replied, "We want to talk with Bryce. We need to clear some things up with him."

WTF went through my head (yet again). "Who's Bryce. I don't know a Bryce."

"Listen," Sketchy said, "We're just here to talk with him. Where is he?"

All I could do was plead ignorance. "We know he live in the building. We know he rents this apartment," Sketchy rebutted.

Bryce rents my mom's condo...that's news to me!

After several back-and-forth bouts of me pleading ignorance and Sketchy insisting that Bryce lived here, I finally managed to convince the officers to look somewhere else for this Bryce character. They left.

Myself, my client, and (after I told her) my mom were all shocked, amazed, and flabbergasted at what had just happened. It's one thing for the police to knock on your apartment by accident, but to deceive you into thinking it's someone else, and a psycho neighbour at that! Oh My God.

I will find out more about this matter. I will file a complaint with the Saanich Police Department. What they did to attempt to gain entry was not right. I can't imagine if it had been my mom answering the door--she would have had a heart attack!

SPECIAL CONTEST in Memory of Lessons to be Learned:

There are definitely lessons to learn from the incident that happened to me Thursday night (aside from making sure you keep that door locked!) I made (at least) two mistakes after the police identified themselves. Now of course I wasn't thinking right at the time and I felt as if I'd entered the Twilight Zone. Nevertheless, I could (and should) have handled the matter better.

Do you know what two things I should have done differently? If so, send in your answer. The first person with the correct response will receive a prize. I don't know what it will be yet, but I'll come up with something! I'll post the Lessons Learned in the next issue of the Tenacious Asylum.

Big Brother BlahBlah

Did you watch the debates? There were three of them between Bush & Kerry. Did I watch the debates? Sorry, I was too busy playing poker (although I watched The Daily Show with Jon Stewart's debate coverage).

The election's less than two weeks away. Who will you be voting for? Oh, I forgot, you're not American! Okay then, who would you vote for? In my opinion the choice between Bush & Kerry is like choosing between two pieces of poop from different shitpiles. I'd be one of the very few Americans who votes for a 3rd party candidate. Although of course these parties don't have a hope in hell of getting someone into office, I'm all for sending a message that I'm tired of the same elitist parties holding and exchanging power as if they were the only runners in a relay race.

Probably some of you out there are on the "anyone but Bush" bandwagon, meaning you'd be voting for Kerry just so that Bush doesn't get back into office. But in my mind, I think there needs to be even more disenfranchisement among US voters and the in fact the world before they can see the need for a real change of leadership and are willing to take the necessary steps. Sometimes you need to feel enough pain before you're truly committed to a change. Electing Kerry would likely simply keep things on the same track as now, only to prepare the time for the next Republican to "bump things up a notch". I say let's hurry things along!

Canunck Knocks

In this neck of the woods, locally speaking, that is, our community recently experienced a tragedy. Happy Valley Elementary school is no longer. The school was located in Langford, near the Metchosin boarder. It burned down about a week ago. There's nothing left. Fortunately nobody was hurt, but the school is a complete write-off. The cause is likely an accident, but nonetheless former students--including several of the Asylum's patients--are mourning the loss of the school they attended during their early formative years.

Where will the current pupils go now? No, they don't have to be taught in a sea of portable classrooms--there's an empty school nearby waiting for them! You see, in a cost-cutting move the Sooke School District shut down nearby Metchosin Elementary in the Summer of '03. It's a little dusty, but a week after the fire occurred, Happy Valley's students are now at their new learning establishment deep in the heart of Metchosin. It's a sad irony, but thank God there was a condemned school just waiting to be reopened!

Your Brain on Drugs

Marc Emery is free! After 61 days in a Saskatchewan prison for passing a joint, the MAN decided Marc had served enough of his three-month sentence. Go to Pot-tv.net to hear what Marc's got to say. A clue--he ain't quittin' his activism!

Get-Tough Gets Tougher

In BC, our get-tough Solicitor-general, Rich Coleman wants to introduce new legislation to fight organized crime. No, he's not smart enough to realize that as long as you keep drugs illegal there's money to be made. His solution--asset forfeiture. You see, right now there's a federal Proceeds of Crime legislation, whereby if the Crown can show you obtained something via drug money, they take it away. But that's not enough for Rich. He believes that the burden of proof be on the accused, in a guilty-until-innocent sort of way. If you can't prove you got something with legit money, then they take it. They no longer need to show that you got it with bad money, only that you didn't get it with good money. Better keep those receipts!

Ontario No-No's on Grows Grows

Ontario has a problem with grow-ops. That's hardly surprising. Now though, their provincial government believes they need "another tool in the arsenal" to fight the grow-op "menace". Their solution--cut the power. It doesn't matter if you're actually stealing power or running a grow-op--all they need is "reasonable suspicion". Better hope you don't leave that energy-eating clothes dryer on too long, or you might have some 'splaining to do! The government backed off from their toughest threat though--they wanted to allow "provincial inspectors" into homes on a regular basis, under the guise of some bullshit reason, just so they could search your home (sans warrant) to make sure you weren't up to anything.

COMMENTARY:

Asset forfeiture has been used in the US for years now. There's literally thousands of cases of abuse, where people had their homes & possessions taken, found innocent, yet were unable to get their stuff back (because the government had "reasonable suspicion", which is all they needed to seize property). My prediction: if this legislation comes to pass, watch for the police & government to get real creative using the term "reasonable suspicion".

As for Ontario's grow-op "menace", their new "tool" to fight grow-ops is simply another intrusion of the MAN into one's life. Proof is just too burdensome on the government, so they're trying anything under the sun to fight a war they cannot hope to win--all the while trampling on people's right to privacy. My prediction: if these types of laws keep being made, I foresee the day when "random inspections" will be done on homes, all in the name of whatever threat (terrorist, grow-op, yada yada) the Man comes up with as an excuse.

Enough is enough. This is not the direction I want society to take. Do you? It is not effective (at best a short-term stop-gap measure) and only seeks to undermine the freedoms our ancestors so vehemently fought for.

Getting to Know You

Last issue's profile of Tom was an amazing success. As such, I'm not only offering the patients of the Tenacious Asylum to be profiled, but their pets too. Bring it on! This issue, though, I have to profile my other kitty, 'cause she gets kind of jealous if Tom gets all the attention!

My Cat Doobie

Name: Doobie (I didn't name her, but her former owners were familiar with doobies.)

Species: Felis catus, all-black domestic short hair (DSH) variety.

Age: 5 years old, Weight: 9 pounds

Diet: Riplees Ranch, regular formula (just finished the switch from Kirkland Signature).

Temperament: Hyperactive! She's a bundle of energy. She's a very friendly cat; loves to be pet. But don't you dare pick her up or she'll get her death claws out and slice open your throat! Oh, and like Tom, she doesn't meow either (although she makes this chirping-like sound from her throat.)

Likes: People, being pet, having her ear pulled, chasing things, boxes, spinach, putting plastic objects in her water bowl (I have no idea why).

Dislikes: Dogs, eating food right from one's hand, being picked up or any part of her body held for any period of time, the "pet carrier" I use to take her to the vet with.

Dan's History with Doobie: "Much like their personalities, the way I got Doobie and Tom could not have been more different. It all started back in early summer of 2001. Tom and I were living in an apartment on Hillside. We had a cozy, quiet life. Then one day, a couple of friends of mine, Steve and Celina, decided to high-tail it out of Victoria towards the land of opportunity, also known as Alberta.

"Steve & Celina owned two female cats--a dominant grey cat named Mia and a young soon-to-be-in-heat cat named Doobie. They set up shop in Calgary and got jobs right away, but there was one problem--the place they got for rent didn't allow cats! So, before leaving they asked that I care for their cats until such a time that they could find a place that that took their feline friends. I said, 'No problem!' Tom wasn't the happiest about it. You see, he'd never had any other cats to deal with, so adding two members to our happy family was a bit of a shock for him. But he was way bigger than Mia or Doobie, so it didn't take long for them to know who was in charge.

"There were a couple of problems early on, though. Mia, being a dominant female, hated Tom. Tom would harass her just for the hell of it, and she always freaked out. Also, she was a vocal cat, always meowing and getting in my way. She was a pain in the ass, frankly.

"The other problem, which turned out to be a real big problem, resulted from too many cats and not enough intelligence on my part. You see, I threw all three cats together right away. Tom had picked up a respiratory illness back when we lived on Bay Street with my roommate Andrew whose cats had the illness. Tom's immune system quickly fought off the infection, but he was still a carrier.

"Soon after they moved in, both Doobie and Mia started getting sick. Doobie was the worst. For two days she didn't come out from under the bed. When I finally pulled her out, mucus was covering her face, and coming out of her eyes, nose, and mouth. Because her nose was plugged, Doobie wasn't able to smell food and water, and thus she stopped eating and drinking. She looked like a wreck, so much so that it still makes me tear up to this day whenever I think of how bad she looked.

"I took her to the vet, and the vet informed me that she was near death. Doobie was very dehydrated and was in bad bad shape. Anyway, the good news is that after several days in the intensive care unit of the animal clinic and $500 later, she was well enough to be brought back home. Mia got sick too, but not so bad that she needed to stay at the vet's. I had to force-feed her a liquid diet for a week--not fun--but it wasn't so bad.

"Fast-forward now to November 2001 (six months after I started taking care of their two kitties), and I was on my way to Calgary on business. I called up Steve & Celina, and asked if they wanted their cats back. I didn't want Mia around anymore, but I was very attached to Doobie. For them, it was the other way around--they'd only had Doobie for a little while but Mia had been around a long time, so they wanted just Mia back. That suited me perfectly! I brought them Mia, and Doobie's been with me ever since.

"There's been one notable incident with Doobie since I got her. The night before, yes the very night before, I was to move out of my Hillside apartment, she fell off the balcony! For almost two years she had no problems, and the very last opportunity she has to fall--and she does!

"Below the balcony, three floors down, was a concrete driveway. That night I noticed I couldn't find her, which was very unusual. But I was moving, so I figured she was probably hiding somewhere. By the middle of the night, I got damn worried--so much so that I searched around the area where she might have fallen, to no avail.

"In the morning, I had to get up and be ready for the movers. Still no Doobie! By then I was sure that she'd fallen. In the daylight I went and looked around. Some distance away in the parking lot (the cars had left for work) I saw a small, dark figure huddled in a corner. As I slowly approached it, I could tell it was a cat. I was afraid it would run away, but it didn't move. All it did was let out a few feeble meows.

"It was Doobie, looking absolutely traumatized. I was afraid she would struggle when I picked her up. For the first time (and only time since), she didn't struggle. She knew I'd finally come to save her. I must say, I felt real bad for not trying to find her harder that night (by the time I found her it was over 12 hours from when she'd fallen), but thank God she was alright and unharmed by the fall that would have probably killed or seriously injured Tom.

"'How did Doobie fall,' you ask? Although it was probably an innocent slip caused by her excitement while I was preparing to move, and while I didn't actually see it happen, I have my suspicions. Tom was on the balcony at the time too, and I wouldn't put it past him to have knocked her off 'by accident'. Because Tom can't talk though (and until I become a pet psychic), I'll never know the truth--only Tom & Doobie do. They seem to have worked out their differences, though."

Doobie at Present: "Doobie's a great cat. She's always happy. She loves to sleep near me, unlike Tom, who goes off to sleep on his perch atop the scratch post. I can really envision Doobie being an outdoor cat--the time when I lived where she could be outdoors, she would make mad dashes across the lawn. She takes to the apartment well, though, having lived in one most of her life. She stays real close to me, so I'm guessing that as long as I'm there to love her, she's happy."

Web Site of the Week

the ONION

http://www.theonion.com

Touted as America's Finest News Source, the Onion is a newspaper-esque website. Except, all of its news stories are completely fake. It's satire at its best! Some examples of headlines: Cheney Vows to Attack U.S. if Kerry Elected, Fat Roommate Travels All The Way To Tennessee Just to Fuck Some Girl, and American Robot's Job Outsourced To Overseas Robot.

If you want a good laugh, check out this weekly newspaper!

Word of the Week

Lassitude noun exhaustion of body or mind; languor.

Dan’s Book Club

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

Departing from the great works of non-fiction I recommended in the first three issues, this book is a great read (and short, too). It's a murder-mystery novel, written from the perspective of an autistic 15-year old boy named Christopher. I didn't know what or how autistic people thought before this book--in fact, I thought they were retarded. But in fact they are absolutely fascinating people, and are geniuses in many ways (think Dustin Hoffman in Rainman). This book is on the "Best of 2003" list of many publications, and I can see why. Read it--you'll love The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time!

TV Land

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Monday to Thursday 11:00pm-11:30pm on Comedy (Ch. 41 in Victoria)

You don't like watching the US news because it's boring and depressing? Then this is the show for you.

Although purportedly "fake news coverage", I would say The Daily Show has the most fair and accurate perspective of any TV news program (for us left-leaning folks, anyway). Jon, along with news correspondents Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert (that's French, bitch), Ed Helms, and Rob Corddry provide an excellent counterpoint to what you'll hear on the 6 O'clock news. They tell it like it is. Not to mention, it's absolutely hilarious!

Check it out!

Music Mania

16 Biggest Hits by Willie Nelson

Okay, so you've all heard of him, but unless you've picked up a Willie Nelson record lately, you probably don't know what a great artist he is. We all know On the Road Again. But there's so much more to this legend. I don't own many country albums, but this is one I strongly recommend to everyone who's willing to have a dab of country in their music collection. From Georgia on My Mind to Midnight Rider, you'll be transported to the country rock days of yore. A must-have (or, you can opt to spend more cash and get one of the myriad of multi-disc "best of" Willie compilations.)

Product Placement

 Ostrich says, "Eat me, wear me, just be sure and love me!"

I had the good fortune a couple of weeks ago of going to an ostrich farm. "Did Dan go to Africa," you wonder? No, there's one right in our own back yard! On a foggy Monday morning I drove up to the Saanichton Christmas Tree & Ostrich Farm and was greeted by Joan Fleming.

You might think an ostrich is a crazy animal to be raising in this neck of the woods. In fact, though, among the many things I learned about ostriches, they can endure harsh climates without a problem. Still, why ostriches and not regular farm animals like goats and cows? They're cool-looking, to start. It's an efficient animal to raise, both for breeding and for harvesting. They live up to 75 years--that's not a misprint. But, females start laying eggs as early as two years of age and males can fertilize them at around three years of age. Also, every part of the ostrich is harvested (at around one year old) and used, including the meat, feathers, and hide. The ostrich egg is equal to about 2 dozen chicken eggs, and the egg shell is used by artists.

My favorite part of the ostrich is the meat. Mmmmmmmmmm. It's a red meat like beef, but has almost zero fat and is low in cholesterol. This farm feeds its birds a diet of alfalfa pellets and hay, yielding a premium-quality meat. The meats a little expensive, at $18 per pound for steak medallions, but trust me when I say, it tastes as good--if not better than--the finest filet minion beef steak!

Do you want your very own ostrich? I know I do (but I'll wait till I leave the condo!) You can buy a chick for only $300. Imagine, your very own ostrich. You'd be the star of the neighbourhood!

Check it out! Their address is 8231 E. Saanich Road. Just give a jingle to Joan or Mike at (250) 652-3345 before coming over. Oh, and tell them you heard about them in the Tenacious Asylum. Happy eating!

Dan’s Learning Centre

 The Flu and The Vaccine Epidemic

Have you gotten your flu shot yet? Oh no, you might die! If you've been following the world at all these days, you've seen there's quite a hubbub about a British company called Chiron that had its manufacturing permit pulled. Why? Because the flu vaccines it produced were tainted with a deadly bacteria. So, this year the U.S. has a major shortage of vaccines. Is this such a bad thing? In my opinion, hell no!

You see, there's the panicky voice of the media telling everyone who has kids, is around old people, or is basically around anybody at all, that they need to get a flu shot for their and their loved one's safety. Bullshit.

"What's so bad about a flu shot", you may wonder? "I don't want to get the flu, after all. Besides, I ain't afraid of no needle!"

The fact is, you don't need the flu shot to keep the flu at bay; nor will the flu shot stop you from getting the flu in the first place! You see, this year's vaccine comes from studying last year's flu in China and the rest of Asia. It's then made into a vaccine for North America and the rest of the world, hoping that it might protect against this year's flu bug.

So what's in the flu vaccine? Well, of course there's the thingies (the technical name) that your immune system responds to (and you're very well protected against last year's flu bug--not very much good this year.) You can also find a good helping of formaldehyde and mercury in the flu vaccine. Not good.

How well does the vaccine work? Well, it's hard to say. Last flu season, 135 kids died from the flu in the U.S.. But, almost one-half--59 of those children--had received their flu shots. As for the elderly, the U.S. Centres for Disease Control (CDC) reports that 90% of flu deaths are from people of ages 65 and older. But considering that 65% of all deaths occur in this age category, it's hard to say whether flu shots even make a difference in this group.

So, the vaccine won't necessarily protect me from the flu. What's the downside from trying? First, you're spending money on something that probably won't work. Second--likely due to the mercury contained within--an immunologist and biologist named Hugh Fudenberg found that people who had five consecutive flu shots between 1970 and 1980 were ten times more likely to get Alzheimer's disease than those who had zero, one, or two shots. You see, once mercury enters your body, it stays for a very long time. If it accumulates, that's a big big problem.

Another major downside to the flu shot concerns an intranasal spray recently approved by the U.S. FDA. You see, it contains a small amount of live virus. In turn, you can infect other people with the flu for 21 days after you get the shot! So much for outbreak prevention.

The real cause of the flu comes down to this: a compromised immune system, mostly caused by a bad diet. You don't want to get the flu? Then do this: stop eating garbage; avoid white sugar; exercise regularly; drink lots of clean water; and wash your hands. The first four measures will boost your immune system, while washing your hands will minimize the chances that you'll put the flu bug inside of yourself when you pick your nose.

You want to know more? I strongly encourage you to check out these links:

http://www.advancedhealthplan.com/flushots.html

http://www.mercola.com/2004/oct/23/flu_crimes.htm

Master-debating: Question of the week

Last Week's Question: Do you have an Entertainment Book 2005 yet? Have you used one in the past? Will you buy one off me (please say yes!)

Reponses to Last Week's Question

yo dan. well here is an answer to your [master-debating] question of the week..." i bought a book off of you last year, and wow, the savings!! we did so much, even when we had no money!!!" and yes, we will buy another one off of you this year as well....

Liisa Nielsen, Victoria, BC Canada

Thanks Liisa. I love to hear from satisfied customers. I promise y'all, I wouldn't offer the book for sale unless it was a good value. Better hurry up everyone, there's only a couple left!!!

This Week's Question:

Do you get your flu vaccine regularly? Have you ever gotten it? How often do you get the flu (with or without having had the vaccine)? Now that you know about the vaccine's dangers, will stop getting it (if applicable)?

It's Quotation Not Quote!

 All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind -- Aristotle

Kittie Corner

Miracles do happen!

NASCAR Nellies

Last week I told my tragic story of how I lost to Nic, in the final moments, for entry into the playoffs. Well, Nic has created another tragic tale. In the first round of playoffs, he was up against Neil in a best-of-five races competition. Neil had been dominating all year. With the powerhouses of Jimmie Johnson and Tony Stewart in his possession, beating Nic seemed like a no-brainer.

Just like me though, the fates were not favourable to Neil. His team tanked and Nic's team shined. Nic won the first three races, eliminating Neil. Bam! Just like that. So now, Nic is up against Mark--who knew next to nothing about NASCAR or his team before joining the pool this year--for a final best-of-five showdown. I guess it shows that life's not fair and neither is NASCAR. Ha!

Good luck, gentlemen.

Ask Dada Dan

Question: "Dear Dada Dan: I'm scared. With everything going on in the world, I feel a sense of hopelessness. Sometimes I just want to tune out and get fucked up just so I don't have to think about how bad things are. Any advice?" Frightened Freddie Fracas

Answer: "We all have various levels of concerns about where the world is heading. You're like me, in that the big picture doesn't look so bright. Maybe your local world is crummy too. But I question the way you self-medicate.

You, like many people, have a disease--that is, a dis-ease. One not of the body, but of the mind, caused by what you experience in your outer world. But Freddie my friend, as you find with drugs, in the end you only have control of you inner world. It's the same with everybody.

The good news is, don't worry so much. The 'big picture' is made of a multitude of 'small pictures'. Your sphere of influence is not the entire world, but probably yourself, your family, your friends, and your community. The place to start making things better is always with yourself, because it is the only thing you completely control.

I'm a big proponent of self-help, Freddie, and for good reason. I tried the "getting fucked up" method of self-medicating, but found that it caused more problems than it created. We fortunately still live in a fairly free society, and there's an insane amount of options you can use toward your betterment.

By reading this newsletter, you're heading in the right direction. Being a patient of the Tenacious Asylum is the best thing you could do for yourself. I'm trying to offer a road map for people like you to both open your eyes (recognize the problem) and walk the walk (do something to make things better.)

Just by reading the Asylum--and taking from it and sharing what you learn with others--you're making the world a better place. Keep up the great work!"--Dan

Letters from the Funny Farm

In place of letters this week, I am proud to introduce three new contributors to the Tenacious Asylum. They're all patients who have stepped up to the plate and want to be heard. Go team go!!!

Milkshakes and Friends by TripleD (emphasis added by Daniel Tourigny)

Hey Danny Boy what's shakin'? I have an idea for a column:

Do you like milkshakes?  Of course you do, everybody loves milkshakes. 
Do you like friends and making new ones?  Of course you do; who wouldn't? 
Well...I'm not sure if you've already heard of the new phenomenon
called Milkshakes and Friends but if you haven't...now you have.

Milkshakes and Friends was the brain child of 5 good friends, good
drunk friends at that, sitting in a Denny's booth after a hard, hard night of
boozing it up.  Let me share with you the events as they transpired
that night:

We ordered some water, then some coffee, then came the miniburgers (a
phenomenon in itself. Damn they're good!).  But we felt, even with the
miniburgers AND the onion rings that came with the miniburgers, that
there was still a void.  Something was missing but we didn't know what the
hell it was.  Finally, after several long minutes of awkward silences and
shoveling miniburgers in our faces, Mr. Adam Cave, or shall I say Luke Cavé,
belted out one of his drunken classics: "Get my boy a milkshake!" For any
unfortunate soul who has never before witnessed this, once Mr. Cavé starts yelling,
"Get my boy a milkshake," he doesn't stop, and it's fucking hilarious!

So finally, after several loud minutes of Mr. Cave appealing for
milkshakes, we each found ourselves with a chocolate milkshake in front of our
drunken faces. It was breathtaking!

Just like that, the void was filled.

We enjoyed our delicious Denny's chocolate milkshakes, courtesy of Mr.
Luke Cavé.  They were amazing! Total chocolaty goodness.  But there was
something more about these milkshakes than just shear goodness.  They
seemed to...to bring us together as a group.  Maybe there was some magic
ingredient in them, I don't know.  None of us know.  But what we do
know is what transpired next:  we were just sitting there, drinking our
milkshakes, trying to pack as much chocolaty goodness into our alcohol-saturated
stomachs, when all of a sudden out of nowhere - well, from one of us
at the table (but to this day we can't remember who) - yelled out in total
jubilation, "Milkshakes and Friends Forever!"  At first we failed to
comprehend what had just happened.  Not even after the second
"Milkshakes and Friends Forever" did we realize what we had just unleashed.  But
immediately following the third "Milkshakes and Friends Forever" I
looked around the table and I could see it in all of our eyes.  It was done. 
Sealed.  We were bonded from Chocolate milkshakes.  We became, from
that point on, Milkshakes and Friends.  And nobody can ever take that away
from us.

So you see Dan, I wanted to share this with you because what happened
that night wasn't just another routine night of getting drunk, then going to
Denny's, then getting kicked out of Denny's.  This was something very
extraordinary.  Special.  It was almost ceremonial.  God dammit it was
ceremonial!  Having said that, it was also something that neither me
nor Adam (Luke) nor Neil nor Ryan nor Takuma will ever forget; we can't,
we're all Milkshakes and Friends...Forever.
 

So about the column.  The title would be Milkshakes and Friends, of
course. And the theme around the column would be about friendships: stories
about making new friends; good times and bad times with friends; rekindling
friendships; sadly, but something we've all done - ending friendships. 
Basically anything within the broad scope of friends.  And one does not
have to be part of the original Milkshakes and Friends group to participate. 
In fact, if you want to be a part of the group all you have to do is go
out and enjoy a delicious milkshake with a friend or even better make a new
friend over a milkshake.  But you don't have to do any of this to participate
in the column.

Still, one of my objectives around this column is to encourage going
out with your friends and enjoying a milkshake.  I can't emphasize this
enough! What's better then having a milkshake with your friends?  Nothing. In
fact I urge you Dan, the next time you're out with a friend go have a
milkshake. You'll see what I mean.  WE should go for a milkshake!  Get back to me.
Later dude.
 

Wow TripleD, that was awesome. I'm sure I'll take you up on the milkshake offer soon! It brought a tear to my eye...no, really! I know all the Asylum's patients appreciate the inspirational words of your column. The healthy side of me though recommends that patients go out for a delicious and healthy fruit smoothie together instead of a milkshake (thus making it Smoothies and Friends Forever :-).

Do you have a submission for Milkshakes and Friends? TripleD needs your input!!! Email him at [removed by request] I'll make sure your submission is in the next issue of the Tenacious Asylum.

Liisa's Reestaurant Reeview by Liisa Nielsen

Toku Sushi, 2706 Government St., Victoria

VIHA Hazard Rating: Low

Jonas and I just went out for "all you can eat sushi" at Toku Sushi on Friday, October 1, 2004. For $20 (Canadian hahaha) we got all you could eat sushi for 1.5 hours.  The only drawback to that was you could only order 12 sushis each at one time...damn it...but not only did we get all you could eat sushi, but there was a large buffet style bar filled with YUMMY Japanese appetizers....oh, I can't explain how good deep fried yams are, or the largest shrimps I have ever seen, and my favorite, it was served in a large oyster shell, and oh, I don't know what was in it, nor do I want to know... but it was absolutely delisssh!!!

I was also recommended Japanese beer with my meal; actually I requested it. But I will recommend it to you. If you like your imports, try this one. ASAHI!!! It's kind of bitter, but with no aftertaste...try it.  It's really good, and it's 5%--no chincing on the percentage.

Great column Liisa. I know the Entertainment Book 2005 will go a long way to helping you become a money-saving reviewer! If anyone wants to add their own restaurant review, they can email Liisa at wildestbutterfly@hotmail.com. Happy dining!

Healthy Computing Hoorah Hoorah by Jonas Solberg

Are you protecting your computer sufficiently from hackers and malicious
programs?  Just by surfing the web you could be exposing your computer
to many harmful programs and files that can slow down and even break your
computer. It is important to take several steps to protect your
computer.

1.  Have a virus scan and elimination software installed and active on
your computer and scan your hard drive at least once a month.  More if you
are downloading files on a regular basis.  I personally use McAfee
VirusScan® http://us.mcafee.com/; it's not free but its very powerful and easy to
use. You can also find some free virus removal tools here:
http://antivirus.about.com/od/freeantivirussoftware/

2. Have a firewall installed and active on your computer.  Firewalls
block access to your computer from the internet by prevent anything but
"approved" programs use of the IP ports (the "doors" or "pipelines" that programs
use to access the internet) I use Zone Alarm http://www.zonelabs.com/. The most
basic firewall they offer is free.  I use Zone Alarm Pro which does have a
cost but has many more features.  Also, the new Windows Service Pack 2
contains a firewall program that is good.

3. Have a spyware scanner and removal program installed on your
computer, and scan your hard drive and registry at least once a month.  Spyware
is probably right now in my opinion the most overlooked aspect of computer
security, and also one of the most problematic.  If you don't have a
good spyware removal program chances are your computer is running slower
than it could and your personal information and computer activity are being
recorded by someone and sold to marketing research companies.  I use Spybot S&D.
It's free and easy to use but contains tons of advanced options:
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/index.html; also Adaware is a very
good program and also free: http://www.lavasoft.de/ THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST
OVERLOOKED AND MOST PROBLEMATIC AREAS MAKE SURE AND HAVE SPYWARE
REMOVAL!!!

4.  Update your version of Windows with the windows update site that
Microsoft provides. A lot of the updates that Microsoft comes out with are
often security-based and vital to the security of your computer.
http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com/

The most common problem I find when I look at broken computer is a lack
of computer security. These are simple and for the most part free programs
that are VITAL to healthy safe computing.

Happy Computing!

Wow Jonas, I had no idea! (Okay, actually I did but it sounds better if I said I didn't :-) I can't tell you how many computers I myself have come across that are lacking at least one of the things you wrote about. And sure enough, they've either got big-time computer problems or they're about to experience one any day. Remember folks, not protecting your computer these days is like walking into a whorehouse without a condom. Think safety first!

Do you have a computing question or advice of your own? Just email Jonas at jonasonline@hotmail.com. If your submission's any good (and I'm sure it will be ;-} we'll include it in the next issue of the Tenacious Asylum!

Final Word to and from the Wise

This has been the best issue of the Tenacious Asylum EVER!!! TripleD, Liisa (with two eyes), and Jonas did an awesome job with their respective articles. It goes to show how much the Asylum has grown in the past four issues (I've even had to add another wing). But more importantly, it goes to show the enormous potential that lies ahead. I only hope you're as excited as I am!

Keep those submissions coming--oh, and that reminds me, I need more people for Getting To Know You, dammit!

Until next time, remember to control the insanity! Dan.