grs2c

The Path To My Gender Reassignment Surgery

(Part III)

Last updated: October 24, 2002.

Travel to Japan: An important part of my work is travel to Japan for research purposes. On May 13, 1999 I bought a ticket to Japan in my femme name for August 12, 1999-September 6, 1999. Later that day I had lunch with a visitor from the Canadian Embassy in Tokyo who had come to do a presentation (I had arranged the talk and knew him from previous visits to Japan). Anyway, I explained my situation to him and he was sympathetic. He gave me the name of the person in the Canadian Embassy in Tokyo who was best qualified to help me anticipate and circumvent any possible problems I might have visiting Japan and spoke to him on my behalf. The guy checked with Japanese immigration and they said they had dealt with many such situations before. As long as I had a letter from my doctor, it should be alright. I also asked a contact at the US consulate here in Calgary to check with US immigration to see what, if anything, I need to do to ensure smooth passage into the USA.

My 1999 trip to Japan went great. For a full report with plenty of pictures, please see: japan991.htm

If you would like to see my name in Japanese characters (kanji), please click here: terikanji.htm

On April 20, 2000 I received notice that I had been awarded a 1.95 million yen (=C$28,000) plus airfare grant to go to Japan for four months this fall to work on my research. I'll be there from about September 10, 2000 to January 10, 2001. The grant is from the Japan Foundation, which gets its funding from the Japanese government. I am on sabbatical from July 1, 2000 to June 30, 2001. The grant fits my research plan perfectly, and I am quite excited about being in Japan in the fall when the wather is nicer (during the summer it is way too hot and sticky). It should also be interesting to see the way the Japanese celebrate Christmas and New Years.

On May 11-12, 2000 I booked my flight to Japan and my accommodation while there. I will be staying in central Tokyo not far from the Canadian Embassy (in Akasaka near Aoyama-Itchome subway station for anyone who knows Tokyo). It's about a ten-minute subway ride from there to Ginza or to any of the libraries I'll be using. I leave on September 9, 2000, arrive there September 10, 2000 (because of the international date line) and return on January 13, 2001.

On July 14, 2000 I received my visa for Japan, and August 15 I received my ticket. I left September 9, 2000 and will return January 13, 2001.

I went to Japan September 10, 2000 and returned January 13, 2001. I will be posting a more detailed account as soon as I can, but for now, here's a brief overview:

*I stayed in Yokohama, just west of Tokyo, while working on my sabbatical research on promotion policies in Japanese companies. The trip went very well, and I got to observe Japanese Christmas and New Years customs. I even got to ring a huge temple bell on New Year's Eve!

*On January 19 I had a welcome home party for myself that was attended by about 50 people, half from my church (including four ministers) and half from the local transgendered and gay/lesbian communities. The eclectic mix of people worked fantastically well.

For more on my latest trip to Japan in 2000-2001, please see the photos at:

http://members.home.net/ursacki/japanphotos2000.htm

and read the text at:

http://members.home.net/ursacki/japantext2001.htm (this is still under construction but there is a lot there already)

I have booked another trip to Japan, leaving July 3, 2002, arriving in Tokyo July 4, 2002, and returning on July 27, 2002.

Wardrobe: Before I went full-time I had a large collection of clothes, mostly custom made, but I needed more suits and similar professional clothes, with matching shoes, etc. On December 2, 1998 I got started on this. I bought a pair of very practical lace-up shoes from Tallcrest shoes, then went next door and spoke to the salesperson and manager of Tall Girl clothing. They took a look at my pictures and said it would be OK to come in en femme to try some stuff on. I think the clincher was that I told them I was making the transition and would need a completely new wardrobe for work (=comi$$ion$!).

On Friday, December 4, 1998 I went back en femme. For about two hours all the clerks and the manager were running around looking for things for me to try on. Eventually I was running out of time, and bought two suits. I was so pressed for time that I wore the one with a royal blue jacket, black turtleneck and long black skirt to my appointment with the psychologist--who happened to be wearing something very similar (and she also has red hair!). That suit also had a shorter skirt, just above the knee, which I got as well. The other suit, a brown pinstripe with skirt and slacks, I left for pickup the next day.

On Saturday, December 5, 1998 I went back again en femme and bought that suit, another one (grey, with slacks & skirt--it had miraculously gone on sale over night!), a black camisole, a pair of jeans and a cream body suit, a ski jacket and a pair of lined black leather gloves. I also bought a pair of white running shoes, and they are bringing in a gold camisole (for the brown suit) from the Victoria store since they didn't have my size. (I wear a size 14 jacket and generally a size 12 skirt or slacks, though I think one skirt was a size 14. The jeans were size 12.)

After that, I had a late lunch, did the rest of my Christmas shopping, and went home to change for the Serenity Christmas party at the Midnight Café. All in all, quite a day!

This was quite a splurge, but the three suits will be a good basis for a business wardrobe and also established me as a serious customer there, not just a "browser". In fact, as I left, the store manager, Kathy, said "See you again soon!". It's nice to know that I have found a place with stuff I can wear and that I am welcome there. Another box checked off on the list of preparations!

On June 20, 1999 I went to Lenscrafters and bought a new pair of glasses. They are Featherwates (sic) and have Alfred Sung frames. Chalk up $420. The I went to Tall Girl for the first of three visits (fortunately they had a clearance sale of their summer stock, a sale which began June 16, five days before summer officially begins). On Sunday I bought casual dresses like a sleeveless khaki cargo dress. I went back twice more that week and bought slacks and shoes on one trip, and tops on another. Altogether I spent C$1,381.86 at Tall Girl and Tallcrest Shoes that week. I also spent about $200 getting new makeup, since my electrologist told me to throw out everything and get new stuff to minimize the chance of infection since I'll be wearing makeup at the same time as I continue the final phases of my electolysis (not the same day, but still you want to avoid bacterial infections on irritated skin). Add another $150 for a couple of pairs of earrings at Birk's (I had a $100 gift certificate, so only $50 was out of pocket), and another $100 or so for odds and ends like panties, panty hose, etc. and the tab for the week came to about two grand. However, I now have a pretty complete wardrobe of the basics (except I still need a couple of blazers). In future I can just pick and choose among new things as they come in, though I won't be doing a whole lot of buying given the need to get the money together for surgery over the next year.

On November 5, 1999 I did break my buying freeze to get a pair of winter boots (an absolute necessity given Calgary's winter climate, and I had none) and a pair of slippers (my old ones had several holes in them). The slippers were reasonable (C$20), but the boots set me back C$195. At least it was easy to choose--they only had one pair in the whole store that fit!

In March, 2000 I bought a pair of sandals to replace the ones that I wore out last summer, a black pencil skrt, and a sleeveless black dress of T-shirt material for summer.

I bought a few more items over the summer, but my big spree was August 29, 2000. For the first six weeks after getting breast implants you are not supposed to wear a bra. That stretched into about ten weeks for me, as I was very busy, but finally I went out bra shopping. I went to a place called The Comfort Shop on MacLeod Trail SW because I wanted to have someone fit me to be sure I was getting the right size. The nurse fitted me with a 40C. I bought several bras there including a couple of sports bras. Then I went to Tall Girl and bought some fall clothes to help me keep warm. I also got a black body suit to go with a pair of black imitation leather slacks and matching vest. The slacks are made of some kind of stretchy material that just looks like leather. Altogether I spent about C$800. A week or so later I went out in search of some fancy bras. I was a bit disappointed that the places that sell sexy lingerie (like La Senza) only seem to go up to about a 36 or 38B. I ended up going to a store for heavy women (Additionelle), where I was at the small end of their offerings. I got two push-up bras, one white and one black, and a matching bra and panty set in a leopard skin print (a gal's got to be naughty once in a while!). Later I bought another black bra and matching panties at the Bay. That meant a total of about C$250 on lingerie.

Name Change: On September 8, 1998 I got a form from the Registry Office near me. The process seems pretty simple and costs C$120. You no longer have to go to court or any of that. I had heard that some clinics want you to change your name to an unambiguously feminine one. Since Teri is a unisex name at least in sound (males spell it Terry, females Terri, Teri or Terry), my current femme name might not have done if I had gone through a gender clinic. If I had had to change it, my choice would have been Hanna Elaine. Hanna works in Japanese, too (hana means flower in Japanese). Elaine is just one of the few names that's fairly common among women of my age, but isn't used by a lot of people I know, or by anyone close to me.

However, since I have elected to proceed as an independent candidate (i.e. line up my own psychological recommendations, etc. ), I was not so restricted. On Friday, May 21, 1999 I submitted my formal application to legally change my name to Teri Jane U.... That way I will have the same initials as when my name was Terry James U...., which helps with ID and the publications on my CV (I already have credit cards and cheques in the name of Dr. T.J. or supplementary cards in the name of Ms. Teri Jane U....). Apparently it takes six weeks for processing. I had been told before that it was only a few days, which is why I did not submit the forms earlier.

On January 15, 1999 I sent an enquiry to the Registrar-General of the Province of Ontario, where I was born, to find out how to change my birth certificate. I got a reply on February 3, 1999. Believe it or not, they actually have a whole series of forms for the specific purpose of allowing transsexuals to change their gender on their birth certificates! The cost is $37 for the change plus $15 for a new certificate. The bad news is that you can't change it until after you have your final surgery and have a doctor's certificate that you have been "inspected". Oh well, I guess that's a ways off yet.

On May 28, 1999 I ordered new business cards in the name of "Teri Jane U..." . They arrived on June 7, 1999.

On June 16, 1999 I went downtown to talk to a former Calgary firearms officer who now works for the RCMP, which has taken over firearms registration from the city police. I have a few leftovers from an earlier phase of competitive target shooting and was concerned about keeping the paperwork right. He had seen the article about me and said that since he had known me for years, he would have no problem handling the change in registration as a simple name change.

On July 6, 1999 I got a call from Vital Statistics in Edmonton. The lady wanted to verify my address because they had already issued and mailed the official certificate, but Canada Post had sent it back! We double-checked and the address was OK, so she said she would put it in the mail again. On July 12 I called and eventually got her to agree to print out another one for me to pick up if it did not arrive by Wednesday, July 14. Sure enough, that day it failed to arrive and so I called Vital Statistics and then got in the car and made the three hour drive to Edmonton, the capital city of the province on Alberta. It was a rainy, miserable day, but my disposition was pretty sunny when I finally picked up that certificate and knew I was legally Teri Jane U...! After the three-hour drive home I went to a mall and had passport pictures taken, then went out to Red Lobster for an extravagant celebration dinner. The next day I applied for a passport (should be ready Monday, June19) and got my new driver's license. Both have the obligatory horrible photos, but at least the name is now right and the picture is a little closer to what I actually look like. Unfortunately, until I have the final surgery, both will have an "M" rather than an "F".

In a strange twist, the only piece of ID I have that identifies me as female is my Alberta Health Card! I didn't even ask to have the gender changed, it just came back that way when I had them change my name. Maybe the Alberta government isn't as red-neck as its reputation (yeah, right!).

Now that I am getting the results of my name change request to various companies, I am having to do some follow up to correct errors like "Terri" instead of Teri, and, believe it or not, "Mr. Teri Jane U...".

On November 29, 1999 I had another interesting name change-related experience. Calgary held an election for public school trustees. This is normally a very low-turnout event (about 7%), but I wanted to be sure to vote because a bunch of conservative males were trying to wrest control of the board from the largely female and liberal incumbent membership. High on the list of priorities of this reactionary bunch was the elimination of any programs to protect gay /lesbian /bisexual/ transgendered students or teachers. I was able to find out that the campaign manager of the candidate I initially preferred from the literature I had received was one half of a lesbian couple I know who are active in CLAGPAG, the Calgary Lesbian and Gay Political Action Guild. That meant I had to get out and vote for this candidate, particularly because the other literature I received was from a scary guy whose literature said he wanted to have schools "model and teach appropriate social, ethical, and moral behaviours and, conversely, to reduce or eliminate their opposites". This is code language for wanting to re-introduce prayer in schools and stamp out homosexuality or any other non-mainstream sexual or gender behaviour.

Suddenly, though, I realized this might be a problem: this would be the first election since I went full time. That meant my voter card at the poll would be in my old name. Fearing an unpleasant struggle, particularly since most of the poll workers are usually very conservative senior citizens, I came prepared for battle. I brought my name change certificate, title to my house, passport, and just about every other supporting document I could think of that was remotely relevant. I went into the poll at a nearby elementary school primed for a fight, but what an anticlimax! I went up to get the voter card and gave my last name. She found the card and asked to verify the first name, which was, of course, still my old name. I told her that that was me, but that I had changed my name. She just said, oh, just cross out the old name and write in your new one! I didn't even have to show my name change certificate! Then, as usual, I took the card to a person who gave me my ballot, marked it in the booth, and then took it to a third person who put it in the voting box. It's nice when things turn out smoother than one expects. Not only that, my candidate won, beating the scary guy, who came in second.

The hardest part of changing my name has been getting the bureaucracy to issue me the right permits for my firearms. I applied for new registration slips on July 19, 1999 and got them on December 20, 2000. I applied for a new permit at the same time, and then received three identical permits from them, all with my correct name---but my old, male photo! On February 4, 2000 I finally received a permit with the correct picture.

In early February, 2000 I also received replacement parchments for my MBA and Ph.D. degrees from UBC. They have my new name and the original date, with no indication that they are replacements. They do, however, have the signatures of the currrent officers of the university, not those who originally signed, and the format has changed slightly. I was very pleased at the prompt turnaround on this, since I did not initiate the process until December 23, 1999. I got an e-mail back very quickly and resolved the whole thing with no problem. My undergrad degree seems to be a bit different, though. I wrote to them at the same time and still have not heard back. I sent them a reminder e-mail on February 4, 2000. I finally heard back a week later, one day by e-mail and the next by phone. I ordered my new degree and transcript and eventually received it on March 13.

I had an appointment with my GP for June 26 to get the letters signed that I need to change the sex designation on my documents (passport, driver's license, birth certificate, etc.) from "M" to "F". I then went over to the Registry Office and got my driver's license changed and re-issued on the spot. I even got a new picture that actually looks something like me. The total cost was about C$15. Then I went straight to the Passport Office and applied for a new passport, paying an extra C$70 on top of the usual C$60 fee to get 24-hour service. I picked it up on June 27 and then promptly sent it off to get my visa for Japan. After using my letters to get my records changed at the university, on July 6, 2000 I sent them off to the province of Ontario where I was born in order to get my birth certificate re-issued. It should come back with both my new name and my new sex. The cost for two copies and the sex change was C$67. I don't know how long it will take, but to speed things up I paid $15 for overnight courier to get the ball rolling. Once I receive the new birth certificate all my official records will basically have been changed. I received my new female birth certificate on August 10, 2000. I finally received my new firearms permit in February, 2001 (I had applied in the summer of 2000!) . I think it was the last thing with an old sex designation on it.

In December, 2001 I realized that I didn't have a Social Insurance Number (SIN) card, and a call to the relevant governemnt office revealed that they had a record of my new name, but not my new gender. On December 17, 2001 I went to the local Canada Employment office in Market Mall and applied for a new card and to get the gender corrected. he clerk was very nice, but failed to charge me the appropriate fee of C$10. This caused a bit of confusion later, but eventually I got my card and confirmation of the correction on February 5, 2002.

On October 18, 2002 I went to the local registry office and changed the name on my driver’s license to my husband’s last name. I also submitted an application to have the name on my social insurance number card changed.

Gender Reassignment Surgery: There is a plastic surgeon in Montreal, Dr. Menard, who specializes in SRS, both MTF and FTM. In September, 1996 he came to Illusions and put on a seminar about his clinic and the procedures they do. I had heard good reports on him and he is far cheaper than the US or European clinics--especially with the Canadian dollar now at 68 cents US. The other surgeon I considered was Dr. Toby Meltzer of Portland, Oregon, who seems to be considered by many the best in the USA.

I e-mailed Dr. Menard on February 15 & 16, 1999, and Dr. Meltzer on February 28, 1999 to ask them a series of detailed questions. I got e-mail acknowledgements from them both quite promptly, along with promises to send packages of written materials. I got a package of information from Dr. Meltzer very quickly (March 8, 1999) and somewhat later (March 23, 1999) from Dr. Menard.

On June 28, 1999 I made an appointment to see Dr. Menard for a consultation on September 30, 1999. I was going to be in Montreal for a conference at that time anyway. His clinic has a web site at: http://www.grsmontreal.com/

On June 1, 1999 I made an appointment for a consultation with Dr. Meltzer at 10:30AM on Monday, July 26, 1999. He now has his own web site at:

http://www.tmeltzer.com.

My consultation with Dr. Meltzer went well, though I was kept waiting until 12:10PM for a 10:30AM appointment. Part of the time was spent filling out two forms which asked many of the same questions and then talking with a nurse, who asked many of the same questions yet again. She actually thought I had already had breast implants! (I was wearing tight jeans ansd a cream body suit that showed my figure to advantage and was using silicone post-masectomy breast prostheses, which are very natural looking). Dr. Meltzer spent about twenty minutes with me answering my questions, then left for 10 minutes while I changed into a gown. Then he returned and spent another 10 minutes or so with me doing a physical exam and concluding there were no obvious problems that would complicate my surgery. He seemed very kind and confident. He said he had done about 800 GRS since 1990, and now did 150 a year. According to him, the main difference between him and Dr. Menard is that he has a lower complication rate (only one fistula, no transfusions), and that he uses the intact glans of the penis to construct a clitoris rather than having the nerves cut and hoping they grow back. I will ask Dr. Menard about both those claims before making a decision. On my way out of Portland I stopped to take a look at the Eastmoreland Hospital where Dr. Meltzer does his surgery. It's a small place that looks more like a clinic to me than the kind of large impersonal building I associate with the word hospital. Anyway, I left feeling that Dr. Meltzer would be a very good choice--if I could raise the money, which would be twice as much as Dr. Menard.

I had my consultation with Dr. Menard on Thursday, September 30, 1999. I took the subway to Laurier station, then walked. The street is lined with doctors' offices in practically every one of the old townhouses. Dr. Menard called me in early. I was not happy with the consultation. On the plus side he said that for the last two years he has been using the pedicled glans technique for construction of the clitoris. In general, however, it seemed very perfunctory, and his answers to my questions about complications seemed evasive and in conflict with other highly credible information I had. I just did not get a good feeling, so as soon as I got back to Calgary I sent Dr. Meltzer a deposit of US$500. On October 5, 1999 I scheduled an appointment for GRS and breast implants. They offered me a date in March, 2001, but since the school year doesn't end until mid-April, I had to go a little later. We settled on Thursday, May 10, 2001. I will have a pre-op consultation with him on May 9, 1999 at 9:30AM.

This seems eons from now, but I was not too upset. First, there is a good chance I will get moved up due to cancellations. Second, if it does turn out to be that long, it gives me more time to come up with the money: US$13,695 for GRS + US$4,200 for breast augmentation + US$700 for an extra seven days in the VIP recovery wing of Eastmoreland Hospital, or a total of US$18,595, which translates into C$27,707 at the October 5, 1999 exchange rate of US$1=C$1.49. On the bright side, at least I have paid US$500 towards that, or C$745. Just C$26,962 to go! This is about seven months take-home pay for me--assuming the exchange rate doesn't change (the fee is locked in as long as I don't postpone my date). The main reason I was notdisappointed was that at least a lot of uncertainty was resolved. I now know where and when it will be, and exactly how much money I need to beg, borrow or steal.

On October 12, 1999 I got a letter confirming the date and providing even more pre-op instructions. On October 14 I made an appointment to see my bankers on October 19 about increasing my loan to pay for the surgery. The lady at the bank was very sympathetic and actively tried to find ways of restructuring my finances so I would qualify for the amount I need. The bank sent an appraiser around to look at my house, and it was worth about 4% more than the value the bank was initially using. Not much, but a help all the same when every penny counts. On October 29, 1999 I signed documents at the bank to remortgage my house to get the money for surgery. Once the funds are adanced after a month or so of paperwork, I'll be ready to pay up if my date gets moved up.

I recently found out I will be on sabbatical from July 1, 2000 to June 30, 2001. I am applying for a grant to spend Sept-Dec 2000 in Japan. If I get it, I may not be able to move my date up that much, but if I don't, I'll be able to be very flexible about dates and should be able to get moved up a lot more.

On December 10, 1999 I called Dr. Meltzer's office to tell them about my new flexibility in terms of dates due to me sabbatical. My timing was great: Shannon, the coordinator, was just moving people up the schedule after some cancellations and I got my date moved up from May 10, 2001 to September 26, 2000. I was ecstatic, since that cut the wait from 518 days to 291 days. There's also a very good chance I'll get moved up a bit more into July or August to avoid any possible conflict with my sabbatical travel plans. It would be fantastic if I could have my surgery done and all my documents changed before I went to Japan! I love soaking in hot springs, but they are segregated by sex, so as long as I am in limbo I can't go in.

On December 30, 1999 I got another call from Dr. Meltzer's office and got my surgery moved up to September 10, 2000. Only 19 days, but it comes less than three weeks after I got the news of the last move, so it's very encouraging.

On January 3, 2000 I booked a follow-up labiaplasty for May 16, 2001. Later that same day I got a call from Dr. Meltzer's office offering me May 2 for my GRS. I hated to do it, but reluctantly I had to turn it down. I don't think the electrolysis in the surgical site will be done by then.

On January 28, 2000 I got an e-mail from Dr. Meltzer's office that they would be contacting me with some more dates soon!

On February 18, 2000 I got confirmation from Dr. Meltzer's office that both my recommendation letters had arrived and were acceptable.

On March 27, 2000 Dr. Meltzer's office called and offered me August 15, which I accepted immediately. It won't be long now, especially if I get moved up again!

On April 4, 2000 Dr. Meltzer's office called again and offered me June 15, 2000. I did a quick check with my electrologist and accepted. That was exactly the date I had been hoping for! I then set about getting the money sent off and making plane and hotel reservations (see below).

On April 10, 2000 I received another package from Dr. Meltzer's office. I had to sign ten pages of consent forms and mail them back. By the end of April I had received receipts for both the US18,095 main payment and the extra US$100 for the extra night in the VIP wing.

Dr. Toby Meltzer performed my GRS June 15, 2000 at Eastmoreland Hospital. I recovered very quickly and was up and around within 48 hours. For a full, very detailed report with photos, please see: grsportland.htm

On March 14, 2001 I sent off the money for my labiaplasty to Dr. Meltzer. This is a minor cosmetic procedure to create finely detailed inner labia and hooding of the clitoris. It adds that little extra touch to make everything "just so". The cost was US$3,200 plus $100 for a night in the VIP suite at Eastmoreland Hospital. That amounted to C$5,148. My surgery is scheduled for May 16, 2001. I have will be going down on the 15^th and retiurning on the 20^th. I could have returned the next day (i.e. the 17^th), but the airfare is so expensive it is cheaper to stay in a motel for a few days instead of coming right back.

For details of my labiaplasty on May 16, 2001, please see:

labiaplasty.htm

Costs: In 1998 my total uninsured medical bills were C$15, 500, of which C$13,033 was for electrolysis and C$1,200 or so was for some bridge work on my teeth. On March 22, 1999 I was very relieved to find that Revenue Canada had accepted my full medical expense claim and given me a $3,400 refund. In 1999 my bills are likely to run to C$30,000-C$40,000, so that refund element will be even more important (In Canada you get a 17% credit against your federal income tax bill for medical expenses in excess of C$1,600; this also reduces your provincial income taxes, which in most cases are calculated as about half of your federal income taxes, so you get about 25% back in all. Alberta is supposed to be pioneering a flat rate tax on income rather than a percent of federal tax next year; it seems likely that that will mean less of a refund for me on my medical bills. Basic medical care is covered by the government in Canada, so most people have no medical expenses to claim.) A key to getting your claim for electrolysis and such ancillary services covered is to ensure that you have a note from your doctor saying they are medically required and preferably also to have the electrolysis done by a nurse (R.N.).

From January 1, 1999 to June 6, 1999 I spent a further C$22,170.77 on medical expenses, including drugs, surgery, electrolysis, counselling, speech therapy, etc. Of this, Alberta Blue Cross covered a total of C$605.77

From June 7, 1999 to October 10, I spent another C$5,944.66 on medical expenses, not including the US$500 (=C$745) deposit I sent Doctor Meltzer. I anticipate receiving reimbursement for approximately C$420 of this from Blue Cross. By the end of October, including the deposit, the psychometric testing (C$800) and electrolysis, I will have spent an additional C$2,000, only about C$200 of which will be covered by Blue Cross.

On October 23, 1999 I sent a letter to the Alberta Health Care Insurance Plan to get the official word on whether they will contribute towards the cost of my reassignment surgery. I got a letter back from them on November 16. It was very vague, but it actually gave me some hope that I MAY be able to recover some of the cost after the fact if I get a psychiatrist (with an MD) to say the surgery is "medically necessary". I have an appointment on Tuesday, November 23 with my GP to discuss a referral. Fortunately with the very distant date I have for surgery I can probably manage to wait to see one and at least try to see if I can get some money back. On November 30, 1999 I got the name of the psychiatrist I need to see and asked my doctor for a referral.

On Tuesday, November 2, 1999 I signed documents at my bank to remortgage my house to get money for surgery. I signed the documents at the lawyer's on November 10, and should have the funds available soon.

By early December I had received the funds. Part was put into a cashable GIC and part was used to pay down other debts to save on interest costs until I need the credit again.

On January 4, 2000 I got the scare of my life. I learned that when some of the money was sent to another bank to pay down a line of credit and save interest until I needed to draw it down to get the money for surgery, the other bank cancelled my line of credit! I was panic-stricken since that would leave me about C$8,000 short for my surgery. Since I was unable to reach my banking officer, all I could do was cry for a couple of hours until I settled down. The next morning I discovered the cancellation was an accident, but I still had to requalify. There were a few tense moments as I gave my financial information over the phone, but in the end I got it reinstated. Whew! I don't need scares like that too often!

In January-February, 2000 I managed to sell about C$9,000 worth of collectibles, which put me back in a viable position.

On February 20, 2000 I did my 1999 income taxes. That meant totalling up my medical expenses for the year. Blue Cross, which reimburses part of my prescriptions and psychologists' bills, paid C$1,846.86 in 1999. I paid out of my own pocket, C$31,738.24. That includes just medical stuff, not the ancillary expenses like my hairpiece, new glasses, new clothes, etc. The only upside of this is that assuming my calculations are correct, I should get a refund of almost $8,000. I eventually received my refund of C$7,995.74 on March 13, 2000.

On February 28, 2000 I got a letter from Alberta Health and Wellness explaining their policy on funding of gender reassignment surgery. In short, they will only fund people to go to Drs. Menard and Brassard in Montreal, so I am out of luck. For all the details on their policy, please see the full text of their letter: albertahealth.htm.

On March 31, 2000 I made an appointment for April 5 to see my banker and arrange to send the money off to Dr. Meltzer. By the time of the appointment my surgery had been moved up to June 15, so it was time to get this done. They were helpful in making the financial arrangements and I sent off a bank draft for US$18,095 by Purolator Courier. The cost in Canadian dollars was C$26,472.98, plus C$27.04 for the courier. I then booked a flight on Alaskan Airlines that cost C$479.86, and a hotel room at the Days Inn near Dr. Meltzer's office for US$129.00 a night plus tax for the night I arrive. The evaluation for speech surgery with Dr. Cohen will cost US$450. On April 10, 2000 I mailed an extra US$100 to cover an extra night in the VIP room before I leave.

On my income tax refund for 2000 I had C$41,115 in medical expenses. This was largely the reason why I got a refund of C$10,717.

As noted above, the cost of my labiaplasty in May, 2001 was US$3,300, or C$5,148. My income tax for 2001 included a claim for C$17,500 in medical expenses, which should result in a refund of about C$5,700.

Neighbours: I told one of my neighbours in April and she was OK with things. I told the other one on May 5, 1999 when she came over to give me a loaf of banana bread for shovelling their walk during the winter. She was very good about it, since her daughter is a nurse and has known and talked about TSs before. That was a stroke of luck! My neighbour actually volunteered to help if there was anything they could do along the way! Despite all the physical challenges I face in my transition, I must say I'm extraordinarily lucky in terms of the human side.

Since then I have gradually had contact with other neighbours on my circle and they have all treated me in a very courteous and helpful manner, even though they range in age from 60 to 87! For example, when I have had large parties they have even told my guests to park in their driveways.

Social Life: I need to start getting out where I can meet some new people. I ordered tickets ot the University Drama Department's 1999-2000 series of plays on July 17, 1999, and later picked up a schedule of cooking classes from the local health food store. I've got to start somewhere!

In August, 1999 I met a guy on the Internet who seemed very nice, and talked to him regularly on the phone. We met in Montreal November 28, 1999 for our first date. He was very sweet and cute in a big teddy-bear kind of way. I was hopeful something good would result from this, but it just kind of petered out.

On October 17, 1999 I attended a jewelry party at the home of one of my colleagues. I felt very fortunate to be invited to such a "women-only" event, which I consider a very special signal of acceptance. I didn't know any of the women there and had very little in common (most were housewives older than me), but I found it surprisingly easy to blend in and be accepted, especially with a little humour.

On October 24, 1999 I moved on to another item on my list of wasy to meet people: for the first time in my adult life other than for a wedding, christening or funeral I went to church. Actually I'm not sure "church" is the right word. It is a church, but that word has some really bad connotations for me (a long story). The place I went to is called the Centre for Positive Living, which is affiliated with Religious Science International (RSI). RSI is based in California and builds on the teachings of the late Dr. Ernest Holmes. I knew several people who went there and they seemed pretty nice and very accepting, so I decided to try it out. As it turned out, none of my friends were there, but one of the ushers was a guy whom I had met at a friend's birthday party. I recognized him even though he was dressed as Zorro to help publicize the Centre's upcoming Hallowe'en party (everyone is also asked to come to church in costume next week, which shows you how far it is from the austere Baptist and Presbyterian churches of my childhood!). There was an overwhelming sense of beauty, peace and friendship in the sanctuary, and even though the service was very positive and upbeat, several times I was just so moved I had to fight back tears. Everyone was very welcoming, as a newcomer I got a flower, and there was lots of handholding and singing (even "I'm gonna let it shine"!). I bought a ticket to the Hallowe'en party and picked up a brochure on an expressive dance workshop they sponsor. I figured I would go again, at least until I made up my mind about the place. Incidentally, I did do some research on RSI a while back to make sure it wasn't some mind-control cult. I bought Dr. Holmes's book Science of the Mind", which seemed impenetrable but innocuous, and checked out their Web site at:

http://www.rsintl.org

My church has a website at:

http://www.positiveliving.org/

On October 30, 1999 I attended the Hallowe'en Dance at the Centre. It was my first real opportunity to test the waters in a situation where no one knew my background (though, of course, some might guess or suspect). I would have been happy to have found one or two people to talk to. As it was, I had long conversations with several people, both men and women. Many people commented on how "hot" my costume was (a skin-tight leopardskin jumpsuit with a tail stuffed with fibre-fill and a pair of ears held on by a hair band--I made the tail and ears myself to match an outfit I had had made years ago but never worn). Three guys asked me to dance, and one clearly had a lot more on his mind after a slow, very close dance. Even when I told him about my situation it didn't seem to dampen his ardour. It was more than a little awkward getting out of that. All in all it was very validating and empowering to learn that I could go to a social event and attract men from the general public, not just those with a "thing" for TSs. It also taught me I have to be careful about using this ability if I don't want to end up in awkward situations.

The next day we had been encouraged to wear our costumes to the service at the Centre. I was one of only a dozen or so out of the congregation of 200-250 who had the nerve to do it. I got innumerable comments about "how great I looked" and "how elegant I looked", etc. The service itself put me in an upbeat mood; stuff like that afterwards just put me over the top.

After attending the Centre's services three weeks in a row, I even volunteered to be an usher or greeter! On December 14, 1999 they called and will be in touch shortly regarding a time to get some "training" and start.

The week of November 1-5 I went to the home of another woman from the university for coffee and we had a great, very intimate chat. Women seem to just accept me as I am and draw me into these conversations in a way that never wouold have happened in my old life. I also attended an expressive dance class at the Centre. I was nervous at first, but loosened up as time went on. The people were very friendly and again just took me as I presented myself. A couple even referred to my experiences as a "child" (my ambiguous word) as my experiences as a "little girl" (their word).

On December 15, 1999 I attended a Christmas concert and had a couple of guys approach me. One spent the whole evening with me, and the other approached me as I was going down the front steps. The Centre seems to be a great place to meet people.

In short--everything is great on this front!

In January, 2000 I signed up for yoga classes on campus on Tuesday evenings, ecstatic dance classes on Wednesday evenings, and on Thursday evenings an introductory class in "Science of the Mind" at my church (no, it has nothing to do with Scientology or Christian Science). This should be a busy term!

My class at the Centre seems very interesting, and I am not too sore after yoga or the dance class (just a little stiff in the lower back). On Sunday, January 23, 2000 I was an usher at church for the first time. I really enjoyed being a part of things. I will be doing it again on the fourth Sunday of every month. I have also volunteered to cook pancakes for a teen group there at 6:45AM on January 30. I must be crazy! But I so enjoy being there that as soon as I leave I look forward to going back.

On Sunday, February 13, 2000 I did the coffee services after each of the services at the Centre. On the 16^th I attended my first meeting of the church's social committee, of which I am now a member. Two of the staff ministers there now know about my background, but are still completely accepting.

On Monday, March 13, 2000, I signed up for a half-day course in sushi-making at a local cooking school. I thought it would help not just to improve my culinary skills, but also perhaps to meet someone interested in Japan (or at least the food!).

On Thursday, March 16, 2000 I completed the first unit in Science of Mind at my church. It really was a life-changing experience. There are four units in the first year, and once I have finished them I can volunteer for a more active teaching role in the youth groups.

At the first class of the second course, one of the women in the class came and introduced herself to me. It turns out, she was the one who had introduced me to the guy at the Hallowe'en dance last October! It seemed like an awfully small world, especially since the night before I had attended my first singles event at an organization called Open Hearts and met two women from the Centre. The speaker at that event was really far out, talking about "invisible friends" and even more bizarre ideas.

On April 8, 2000 I will attend a sushi class at the Cookbook Company. Besides improving my skills with Japanese cuisine, I thought it might be a good venue for meeting someone who shared my interest in Japan. The class was almost all women, but I did have fun and learn a lot about technique.

On Good Friday, April 21, 2000 I attended a dance at the church I go to. I danced like crazy all night, of course, but also took a bold new step: I actually asked two guys to dance with me! They both did, and one other guy asked me to dance, too. My enjoyment must have been pretty obvious, as at church on Sunday several people called me "Twinkle Toes"!

The next day I took a cab to a cycle shop to get a new seat post for my bike. The driver ignored another party of three to pick me up, and started telling me about how he was an expert at fixing bikes--after asking whether my husband was going to install the new seat post and finding out I was single! It turned out that the company sent his cab to pick me up for the return trip (a coincidence?) and after more bike talk he gave me his name, phone number and address (right near my house, as it turns out). I found the whole thing quite sweet and amusing.

During the last week in April a guy in Calgary contacted me by e-mail. On Friday afternoon, April 28 we ended up setting up a date for later that evening, but he stood me up. I ended up having an OK time anyway. I was waiting in a karaoke bar which has some pretty good singers, so I was just listening to the music and swaying and dancing to the tunes. There was a guy there who kept watching me dance and who later started coming on to me pretty strong. I wasn't interested, but at least it took the sting out of being stood up and made me feel like I still "had it".

The guy who stood me up called me at 3:10AM on May 13, 2000 and tried to strike up a conversation over his heavy breathing. What a jerk. The call lasted about ten seconds before I hung up.

On May 2, 2000 I met with our Youth Minister and discussed the new Teen Service we will be starting at 6:30PM Sundays from May 21, and also the Youth Camp organized by Religious Science each July. I will be helping in various support capacities with the Teen Services, and may even get to speak at one when she is away. I also committed to going to the Youth Camp July 22-28, 2000 in Big Bear, California, a couple of hours by bus to the east of Los Angeles in San Bernadino County. There will be about 400 people there, 200 from Religious Science International and 200 from United Churches of Religious Science. Besides the teens there will be ministers and advisors. I will be going with about a dozen of our teens, the Youth Minister and another advisor. Apparently there will be a big orientation meeting for the advisors when we get there, and then the teens will be split up into "families" of 12 who will share a cabin. The teens I will be responsible for will not be from Calgary, but from all over North America (maybe elsewhere, too, I'm not sure). I am really looking forward to all this. Whenever I hear the Youth Minister speak about her Teen Group I end up crying because I think about how wonderful it would have been if I had had the spiritual grounding I do now back then. I want to do everything I can to help those kids get a sense of themselves and their relationship to God at a time when they really need it.

In May I found out about a Tall Club in Calgary that admits only women over 5'10" and men over 6'2". As soon as I got back from surgery and could legitimately apply as a woman, I sent off my application.

Around June 6 I responded to a personal ad that appeared in the Globe and Mail. The person wasn't looking for a TS, but the rest seemed good, so I thought, why not? The most I can lose is a stamp. (I never heard back from the guy)

Beginning in July, 2000 I began attending some singles functions. The very first one I met a guy I dated a couple of times, and at the third one I met a guy who goes to my church who seemed interested. Later he did ask me out and things went quickly enough that I had to tell him about my situation that first evening (August 14). He took it very calmly and was very supportive, even continuing to hold my hand after I told him. Instead of being angry at being "deceived", he sympathized with how hard things must have been for me living with this issue. He said he needed time to think about it, though, which was fine by me. I was just very happy that he had not freaked out! I do hope he can live with the news, but even if he can't, he said we could still be friends at church, and I now have some experience breaking the "news".

So I am very hopeful about the dating scene, which I will pursue with more vigour when I get back from Japan.

On August 12, 2000 I attended a going away party for a friend from church who is a very out lesbian. She was in one of my Science of Mind classes. Everyone at the party was a woman, and it became clear pretty quickly that most if not all were lesbians. We had a nice barbecue and then lit a fire pit and sat around trying to remember the words to songs we had known 20 or 30 years ago. The next time I saw her in church my friend came up and said she admired my courage for sticking it out to the end with this alternative community! I almost burst out laughing at the thought that she figured I was such a straight woman that I might have been offended by some of the more overtly lesbian conversation! If she only knew!

On September 5, 2000 I went to a bar where a social gathering of a singles group was to be held. It must have been cancelled, though, as I couldn't find anyone else. Finally, after nursing a Diet Coke for a while, I went upstairs for what I thought would be one last check of the place before giving up and going home. Instead I ended up meeting a guy who was also looking for them and we spent the evening together! He was quite nice, a single dad with two young girls.

I placed a personal ad in an English-language publication while I ws in Japan in 2000-2001. I got a lot of replies, and eventually met three guys, a black American sailor, a French sommelier, and an East Indian businessman. Nothing clicked with any of them, though.

I attended a brunch put on by the Calgary tall club January 28, just before my facial surgery, and went to a pub night they had in February once my face settled down a bit.

Most importantly of all, though, in March, 2001 I put profiles on a couple of on-line personal sites (like personal ads, but on the Internet). On March 13, 2001 a guy sent me an e-mail after seeing my profile. I sent him back a long reply, and after exchanging a few e-mails we met in person at a Starbucks near my home on March 16. By the time a month had passed, we had had about 15 dates! His name is Stephen. He is 47, never married, 6’2" tall, very thin, with glasses and distinguished-looking salt and pepper hair. He plays the harmonica, restores British sports cars, and is quite the technical whiz with anything mechanical. We are very much in love and I think this is "the one"! He is very sweet and supportive of me, both with respect to my background and my spiritual interests. Of course, it is still very early in our relationship, but I don’t really think of myself as single anymore.

We have attended my department's (academic) year-end party together (April 27, 2001), as well as a choir concert at my church (May 11, 2001). He also showed up to support me when I was on a discussion panel after a showing of the Canadian-made transgender movie "Two Brides and a Scalpel" as part of the herland feminist film & video festival. How wonderful to be part of a couple! This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a long time, maybe ever, and I find myself walking around in a daze like a thirteen year-old schoolgirl! You can see a picture of us together at photos2001.htm.

From March 23-26, 2001 I attended the Religious Science youth Camp as an advisor. I led the Teen Group Sunday Morning for the first time on April 21, 2001.

I am now engaged to Stephen; please see my home page for a link where you can get all the details. We have not yet set an exact date, but are planning on a summer wedding in 2002, probaly either June or August.

Return to Teri's home page: http://members.shaw.ca/tallteri