I cannot honestly count how many times I have said that same thing "I can not quit" in the past 30 some odd years that I smoked. I wouldn't even bother trying because why bother "I can't quit" and would light up another one and go on about life. Little did I realize that it was the addiction talking to me. Yes I am an addict and I am addicted to nicotine. I am very proud to say that I am not a practicing addict anymore and I have quit smoking. If I can quit, you can quit too!!!
I strongly believe that understanding exactly what smoking is really all about, is really important in taking back control of your life. Yes, I had lost control...my smokes were a very vital part of my everyday living from the time I woke up til I went to sleep, and especially if I woke up in the middle of the night. When they banned smoking in my work place, I hated it and had a terrible time adjusting to smoking only during my coffee and lunch breaks. I hated flying any more then a couple of hours, I stopped going to the movies, going shopping always meant having to find an exit to have a quick puff, I disliked visiting non-smokers who did not allow smoking in their homes and the list goes on and on and on.
I think the most precarious situation I allowed my tobacco addiction to overwhelm me was when I went into the hospital for my last spine surgery. Within hours of being sent up to my room after my surgery and as soon as I was aloud up, I grabbed my smokes, lighter and held tightly onto my IV pole (so I wouldn't fall over) and proceeded to the main lobby of the hospital. From their I had to go outside and had to venture out across the road and into the parking lot where I could sneak a butt. Thank heavens it was summer or I would have had a heck of time pushing my IV pole through the snow and the stupid thing is I know I would have. I could see the headlines now, "Hospital patient gets stuck in snow drift due to her heavy nicotine addiction. She was stuck out there in the sub zero temperatures for a couple of hours before a security guard had spotted what seemed to be an IV pole sticking up from behind a snow drift. She's lucky to be alive!" Yup, that would have been me.
I have quit smoking 4 times now and have been able to stay quit now since October 29, 2002. I had actually quit smoking the day before my last surgery and as you can see I did not last very long that time at all. What actually did it for me was when the cost of cigarettes doubled and was costing $10 per pack and with both my husband and I smoking our monthly bill was close to $600 per month. They were also talking of raising it even further, up to $15 per pack - yikes, that would have meant we would have to dish out $900 per month to smoke. It was getting to be extremely difficult trying to keep our habits going at $600 per month and to continue feeding our kids, we had to make a choice. Our finances were getting in very serious trouble and my stress levels were going out through the roof. I started on Zyban and continued smoking. Every time my quit date rolled around, I was unable to butt out and would have to pick a new date. I was hopelessly not getting very far. Then my hubby decided it was time for him to quit and he picked October 29th as his quit date. I decided to jump on his band wagon and quit with him.
On October 29th we smoked our last cigarette and put the patch on. It really wasn't that difficult at all and I don't know why I had such a hard time with that. I was also much more prepared this time then I had been the previous three times I tried to quit, which I know has been a major contributing factor into our success so far. I had a written list of my pros and cons for smoking and not smoking which I kept real close to me during the first few weeks. I also had joined a support group which I still belong to and try to join in on a daily basis. I also have a list of things to do while I'm having a nicotine attack and usually by the time I get through all the different things on my list the craving is usually gone. I also make sure I reward my self with some of the money I save and that is actually the part I like the most about quitting and I am still rewarding myself. I enjoy collecting dolls and I will spend a couple of hours just going through my catalogue picking out which doll I am going to add next to my collection (especially helpful while craving) and then I go out and buy it. I am happy to say as of today my collection has grown and is continuing to grow.
Their are so many benefits to quitting that the list is practically endless. On top of that list for me is that I am able to meet our financial commitments without the stress and strain I had before we quit - we now have a savings account with money in it. Both hubby and I are feeling healthy and a lot more energized - I love telling my doctors "I'm a non-smoker"! My house is staying cleaner without the ashes flying all over the place and my mirrors are not getting all yellowed. Were looking forward to putting some fresh paint on the walls this spring and getting rid of all the yellow and brown stains. No more burn holes in the carpets, furniture, bedding (wow don't know how we didn't end up burning the house down) and clothing. Not going around smelling horrible and now actually being able to smell and taste more . . .
It is not impossible to quit and it is not so difficult that you shouldn't try. If you have never entertained the idea of quitting I urge you to please check out some of the sites I have linked and go in with an open mind and perhaps you may start to be able to consider the idea of becoming a non smoker.
The harsh cruel reality is it will harm you unless you can quit before it's too late and you never know where the line may be drawn. My mom passed away November 2, 1987 from a massive heart attack and her pack a day smoking habit was a main contributor to her clogged arteries. She lived for a month before her heart finally gave out and her last wish was for my sister and myself to quit smoking. I am finally thankful that I have been able to fulfill half of her wish. My step mom fought a very hard and courageous battle with cancer which ended up taking her life February 15, 2002. Her cancer was directly linked to her smoking. She had quit smoking a few years before, but I'm afraid it was not soon enough. She suffered a very painful end which I pray no one should have to endure. In honor of my mom and my step mom, two of the most caring women I know, I would like to dedicate these pages to them and if I can help one person to quit smoking I'm carring on their legacy. We have also received some more sad news just in the last couple of months - my father-in-law has now been diagnosed with cancer as well. It's in his sinus and is now fighting for his life. He is having chemotherapy and radiation and will end up with a glass eye - were praying he won't lose his life...
My prayer for the world is that we will become a smoke free society and our children and our grandchildren will not have to live with the horrors and devastation which cigaretts leave quietly in their wake...
Sincerely,
Jo - aka 4KittyCats
My favorite non-smoking support group
MGH Addiction Forum -
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