Humor

We're in the double kayak, which is a Good Thing, because the wind is on our tail big time and the waves are dropping canyons under the bows. A gale is howling down the straits and we're running scared, as we race for the only shelter. Closing with the coastline, we watch in awe as the waves ramp up and down barnacle-encrusted cliffs. This is not a good place to make a mistake.

Then the inlet appears, and we swing broadside, almost capsizing as we power into the sudden calm of the narrows. A few paddle strokes, and we reach the jetty, exhilarated, exhausted. A smartly dressed gent watches our approach. As we tie up, he closes his cell phone and utters the words I've come to dread:

"I'm gonna take a course in that!"

Have you noticed how often you hear that comment these days? It seems you can't telemark on a ski hill, or strap on your scuba gear, without some dude wandering up, and saying it.

I guess it's to be expected. In this day and age when "adventure sports" are suddenly all the rage, where whole TV channels are dedicated to extreme river kayaking , arctic sledging, and base-jumping, everyone is suddenly an armchair adventurer. And they're all promising themselves that sometime, somewhere, they're going to catch the wave and join the Carpe Diem Club.

Alpine hot air ballooning.

When I first started climbing, it was different. We were still in the post-WWII era. Folks had received all the excitement they needed for a while. The best we could hope for in sponsorship was a box of cocoa or a few cans of margarine. These days, big expeditions are big business, and it's turned a lot of people into Everest wannabes.

So, what do they do? They think they'll take a course. Worse, some actually DO take a course. Two days. Everything you ever wanted to know about blue water sailing, or big wall climbing, or glacier travel, or sea kayaking, or para-ponting … the list is long. And at the end of two whole days, they graduate!

In a mountain hut in the Canadian Rockies, we listened to two young tigers discussing their "intensive" climbing course. The next day, there they were, on a challenging ridge behind us.

They were roped up, as they should have been. Both knew that if the leader fell, say, to the left, then, because the ridge was so sharp, the second climber had to do one of the toughest things in mountaineering … jump off the right hand side, to balance the leader's fall. But they'd made one key mistake. Between them, they had a full 50m rope run out. So, if there was a fall, each would end up 25m down separate sides of the mountain. Not many people survive something like that.

On the other hand, if they had 10m of rope between them, there'd still be time to react to a fall, but there'd be a good chance both would survive a 5m fall on either side. See? That's the difference between theory and practice.

And it's everywhere. I was assailed by a group of alpine guides (on a course!) because our party didn't have our avalanche beacons switched on as we crossed an open glacier. "You might fall in a crevasse!" The instructor argued. What can you say to that? If you need a beacon to locate a guy at the end of a rope in a crevasse, you're in trouble. But, in theory …

Let's face it. Courses are a good introduction to challenging sports, but that's all they are .. an introduction. There's still only one sure way to learn the ropes (no pun intended), and that's to get experience, lots of experience. And that means doing it the hard way.

Don't waste your dough on advanced courses. For a fraction of what you'd pay for a week-long course, you can join your local sailing/climbing/kayaking/whatever club, and meet dozens of experienced instructors, and hundreds of sources of information. Learn slowly; learn thoroughly. It's a case of the tortoise versus the hare.

Which reminds me. I really want to learn more about the wildlife in our area. Hmmm, maybe I can take a course in that …

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