To Kill An Evening

I attended the Manitoba Theatre Centre last night. What a disappointment! The play being presented was Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird". And this week on crang.com - The Review.

My wife and I picked up another couple that was attending the play with us. They had never been out before so this was going to be a real treat for them. We got about half way down Pembina Highway when some freak in a white Gran Prix tried to cut us off. The traffic was bumper to bumper as everybody and their dog was trying to get to the play on time. Mr. Prix is driving down the curb lane with his front bumper about 5 feet ahead of mine. When he sees a parked car in his lane he puts his signal on (nice touch) and begins to move over into my lane. So instead of slamming my brakes on, I blast my horn. He realizes that I'm onto him and slows down while producing a chicken. That's when I get rattled. As per usual in Winnipeg, if you don't let people cut you off, they produce chicken. So he eventually gets around this parked car and immediately goes back into the curb lane. As he roars by me, I return his chicken. Then he gets up to the next parked car. Now I get to watch from behind as he tries to do the same manoeuvre to a minivan in front of me. Amazingly, the van lays on his horn and won't let him in either. I feel partially vindicated. Eventually Mr. Prix turns off and I see why he was in such a hurry - he's going to the Beer Store. Sorry Mr. Prix. If I had known that's where you were headed I would've let you cut in.

We finally get downtown and start the long process of finding a parking space within 3 miles of the Theatre Centre. What a joke Winnipeg is! And anybody that says Winnipeg isn't a joke, is a joke. But that's a future issue. We finally find a parkade about 3 blocks away (amazing!) but we're not sure the floors will support the car. The building's a disaster zone with holes in the floors and hardly any room to weave between parked cars. We eventually make our way to the top of the building where we get the last spot - I don't know what the cars behind us were going to do....

When we arrived at MTC, after I don't know how many people tried to sell us their tickets, we were given a free program for the evening. But nowhere in the booklet did it mention a thing about "To Kill A Mockingbird". I was happy to discover, however, that there would be a fifteen minute intermission at some point during the evening. As the play began, the fellow sitting next to me promptly went to sleep. His eyes didn't open until 3 hours later when the play ended.

The seating in the Manitoba Theatre Centre left a lot to be desired. The cushions were completely worn out and it felt like you were sitting on a board. Boy, was my arse sore after 3 hours! You'd think for 36 bucks a seat per night, they could fix the upholstery once in a blue moon. There was also something seriously wrong with the ventilation in the building. My eyes were absolutely stinging for the last two hours of the play. And my wife could hardly keep her eyes open. With that and Wee Willie Winkie next door, I began to wonder if there wasn't a carbon monoxide problem in the place.

But 36 bucks seat wasn't enough. After intermission, they rushed us back to our seats, lying that the play was starting, and then we find out that it really isn't - they just want to fleece us some more. Some recording comes on about wanting money for "needy" young actors to help them get the training they need. Then they start passing a collection plate down the rows. How tacky. When it came to me, I took the money and whipped the tray at one of the old women in charge of it.

They also oversold the show and some of the audience had to actually sit on the stage. Talk about a distraction. You've got about 50 audience members sitting on the stage and me sitting in the 17th row. One thing though, those suckers wouldn't be able to sleep like Rip Van Winkle next to me.

On the way home, we stopped at The Keg for a drink and a bite to eat. Talk about your rude waitress! My friend (I'll call him Mark) is always hilarious but all this broad would do is give him icy stares. And like usual these days, they had Pepsi not Coke. Is Coke going out of business??? I'll bet that out of every ten restaurants I order Coke at, nine serve only Pepsi. Yuk!! And that's not bad enough. The Pepsi was flat. Then after I finished my drink, I find that the glass is three quarters ice. No wonder it was flat.

We finally get home and I pour myself a nice big glass of flat coke. What a fitting end to a great night. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Great entertainment, great company, great evening. What more can I say? If you have a chance, go see "To Kill A Mockingbird". I'd highly recommend it. And maybe you could explain the title to me.

As always, send me your suggestions for future columns on crang.com. See you next week when the topic will be "Mountain Gorillas - Threatened or Threat?".

© November 11, 2000