Every Black Hole Contains Another Universe?

Every Black Hole Contains Another Universe?

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ..

Tell everyone to visit crang.com to make them smile.

Cannibals

Number One Son

It seems that the "Number One Son" position has been taken over by none other than Dr. Howard Irvine. Dr. Irvine is the infamous CDC field correspondent who is well known among CDC readers for such articles as "Bear Baiting", the "Friday Expedition" and "Bison Antiquus Occidentalis". I guess this is what happens when the real "Number One Son" sits on his laurels. Watch out Dr. Irvine, the world is a small place to hide...

Next week: Dr. Irvine tries to become the "Number One Brother"

Sawfish Lagoon

You've read the book and seen the movie, now play the game!

Play Sawfish Lagoon

The Amphidex

Or We Are Not Gods

So what's the deal with this Amphidex machine that the Free Press is raving about? It failed last year and it's likely going to fail this year. Doesn't anybody remember when they tried to break up the ice in the Red River last year and the Amphidex sunk to the bottom of the river? After completely destroying the engine, transmission, bucket and pontoons? How short do they think our memories are?

The Amphidex is being portrayed as a "floating backhoe". First of all, a backhoe does not float. Secondly, a backhoe doesn't have enough power to break fourteen feet of ice. It might be ok with a foot or so of ice, but that's it. What is really needed here is a course on geography which will explain to those who are interested that the Red River of the North drains to the north. Therefore there will be flooding from time to time because the outlet will always be frozen early in the year. Breaking the ice will do absolutely nothing no matter what anybody says!

I'm inviting anybody who's interested to head up the End of Main this week to have a look. We can picket them for all the diesel that gets dumped into the river and we can laugh when it once again sinks to the bottom of the river and is swept out into Lake Manitoba by the undercurrents. And as a bonus, our Asian reporter, Lionel Chang, will be on-site to answer any questions.

As photographed by Asian reporter Lionel Chang.

Next week, Ground Penetrating Radar - An Idea Whose Time Has Passed.

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