Coping with Cancer
I live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Here is the current time and temperature in Saskatoon.
PRACTICAL TIPS AND BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS ON COPING WITH CANCER
(Kindly offered by the cancer survivors and their caregivers on the Colon Cancer Email mailing List. List sponsored by the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship (NCCS) USA).
1. Don't be a hero. You aren't. Cry if you have to. If someone offers to help, let them.
2. Tell others about your condition - you might get to know of others with similar problems to yourself and realize that you are not alone.
- Be honest with your children - even if they are young. Sharing problems and emotions can draw a family closer together and thus make them stronger.
3. You cannot control the things that happen to you - you can only control how you react to those things.
- Your coping mechanism can be a light that will remove the shadow that may be causing darkness to others.
4. If necessary, take medication to help you to cope.
5. Listen to what others have to say.
- Talking helps. It seems that no matter how outrageous or scary it may seem, once you say the words, the feelings get manageable.
6. Think positively. Think the surgery will take it away . . . the chemo will keep it away . . . and you will be okay.
7. "Coping" means getting up, not giving up. Walking in realism, but not depression; grieving, but not quitting.
8. Refuse to play the "What If?" game.
- What if the cancer has spread . . . what if the cancer recurs . . . what if I cannot tolerate the treatment . . . what if I need a colostomy . . . what if I die???? Deal with the facts and the present. What the future brings, it will bring and deal with that then. Focus on the present battle not the what ifs!
9. Plan a short vacation. Make long term plans. Believe you will be around for a while yet.
10. Laugh: Even in the worst times, laugh. It heals the soul, the body, the awkwardness, the spirit.
11. Dream: Fantasize about all the wonderful things you will do someday when you get around to it.
12. Animals: Take the dog for a walk. The horse for a ride. Animals can be very healing and comforting to be around. They are wonderful listeners and love as they are loved.
13. Music: Listen to your favorite sounds (maybe with a Walkman) while waiting for doctors, chemo.
14. Exercise: Walk, bicycle ride - get out and appreciate the beauty of nature.
15. Water: Sea, or lakes, have the power to renew the spirit. Walk on the beach, swim in the sea, sail the ocean wide - and draw strength and comfort from the water's invigorating presence.
- Baths and showers, especially after one is free from the many tubes associated with surgery, can make one realize that one is finally getting better.
16. Poetry: It can help to put your emotional responses to your situation into verse.
AT THIS POINT
Can't walk very far anymore
A few steps on shaky legs.
Can't run at all.
Can't swim without stuffing my
Sagging suit with a plastic breast.
Can't turn my neck to look back.
Can't kneel or bend or bow.
Can't tend my own marigolds.
Gather the last red tomatoes.
Can't hold a cup without breaking it.
Can't dream without waking in tears.
And it hurts to sing or swallow.
Yet, sliding through my hoarse words
My frightened, painful bones
Is the most wonderful clear music.
Gold flutes, tall silver pipes.
High songs that shimmer and dance.
Baritones settling into warm rivers running
Home.
17. Realize the importance of elevating cancer from being a disease of the body to one that affects also the mind and spirit - of yourself and those around you.
- Allow your cancer diagnosis to develop your emotional and spiritual growth. With a diagnosis of cancer comes a critical need to reach out and discover the coping mechanisms that will get one through pain, fear, stress, and the journey.
18. Be grateful that you have been given the time to make changes in your life. While the acceptance of cancer is threaded with pain and the gratitude with grief - the facts are ringed in hope.
- Cancer can be a wake up call. What has been important to you previously may change. Change with it - start a new life - if you want to sail the whole year round - do it.
19. Draw strength from knowing that others care about you. - A wife, a husband, a partner, family and friends, can give you a strong shoulder to lean on.
20. Find that something special that has real value to you, some meaning, something without which your life would be lacking. Nurture it and use it to give greater strength to you.
- After a diagnosis of cancer you have to dig deep inside and pull out everything that gives you strength. What that is -- religion, family, friends, seashore, morning colors, your kids, old episodes of Seinfeld -- is very personal. You need to find it.
21. Think about how lucky you are to have found medical people with a special dedication and strength, medical professionals who are always caring and supportive.
22. Prayer: Those with a strong believe in God can seek strength from praying alone, from praying together with friends and family. Some people find it helps them to cope if their church has a services to 'anoint the sick' by the laying on of hands.
23. Meditate: Visualize the main figure of your Faith drawing out the cancer cells from your body and planting them in a beautiful garden from which can grow flowers of many colors.
24. Peace: Find a place, find something, that brings you peace and tranquillity.
25. Life. Amidst all the tragedy rejoice in the wonder of life. Life can't be measured in years but rather in experience.
FOR CAREGIVERS
26. Have your own support system for when things get too much for you to handle. A support group outside the family is often beneficial. Many people are just not equipped to deal with the kind of anguish you may be going through. Contact with others caregivers, and cancer survivors, can be very beneficial. Internet Email Mailing Lists for the particular type of cancer you are dealing with can be informative and supportive.
- Make a list of how to cope, e-mail it to friends and relatives. Publish the list on the Internet.
27. Give 'gifts' to the one you are caring for. Food, if possible, as gift vouchers from food stores - for when cooking is just too much effort. Gifts might reflect the changing needs of the cancer patient - someone's metabolism may change and the cold weather may be felt much more severely - a lightweight polar fleece blanket would indicate that you are 'in-tune' with your loved ones needs. Magazines are easy reading and offer distraction from daily problems.
28. A Caregivers plea:
- The reaction that always made me feel best was not for people to say this is God's will, or God will help you through, or it can't really be that bad; instead, for people to say (very emphatically) how horrible this disease was, or how tragic for such a thing to happen. Somehow, when they voiced that for me I felt someone finally understood, and it always made me feel better.
Thanks again to all who helped.
Mary Basson
Husband, Matt, (Age 68) diagnosed 7/97 with cc.
Dukes C2. Surgery. Finished 6 months of chemo with good
results - CT scan showed large lymph nodes near
spine reduced in size.
Mail to Mary Basson mary@KINGSLEY.CO.ZA
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