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During the morning of April 15, 1996 my mother testified as to the type
of relationship she had with my father and the experience of living with
him.
I took the stand at approximately eleven that morning and testified
until the noon break. While I was testifying, I found that I was trying to
stay focused and used my watch band as a stress reliever which I quickly
broke, loosing concentration. During the break I went to a twelve-step
meeting to center myself. I ate lunch and went back into that courtroom. I
was advised at the end of that day that I would be taking the stand during
the morning.
During the night of April 15, 1996 I found a sense of peace. I became
aware that Brenda was awake and troubled. On the floor, between the beds
of The Green Gables Hotel in Victoria, Brenda and I sat. We held each
others hands. We hugged one another, spoke softly, wept, laughed,
expressed our fears, love, admiration and acceptance of one another. I
reassured her that we had survived the worst and were only going to speak
of our memories of a time in our lives. Darkness is now a place of gentle
love, acceptance, laughter, warmth, tears, admiration for another human
being and myself.
I became aware that I was unable to make eye contact with any member of
the jury after seeing some of the responses of horror, disgust, revulsion,
nausea, disbelief, abhorrence, repulsion. The reactions of the court
workers, including the judge were similar. The child within me struggled
with the adult. I redoubled my reassurances to her that the jurors
responses were directed at Daddy, not towards us. Finally we came together
and I made eye contact with several members of the jury as I told my
story.
My sisters came forward in support with their stories. When all of us
were finally excused as witnesses the crown counsel left a message asking
us to return to the courthouse. The defense attorney was going to recall
our mother to refute our testimony. Individually we were asked if we were
willing to stay and each in turn return to the stand I saw the simile of
being a pawn in a chess game and voiced this thought. Crown Counsel
(District Attorney to American readers) became defensive. I reassured him
that I played chess and did not see this as an image that hurt but a
reinforcement that each of us can have power. A pawn can be such a
powerful block to check or checkmate.
Each of my sisters and I agreed to return to the courthouse ready to
testify if called. When the defense attorney observed us waiting, he was
forced to change his tactics and my father took the stand and denied every
touching of his daughters "inappropriately". The jury was
instructed the afternoon of the seventeenth and sequestered for the night.
For me there was a paradox of the verdict was both important and not
important. When Crown Counsel called me to advice me that my father had
been found guilty on both counts. I thanked him for his efforts and
support.
I found myself on the roof of the garage quietly contemplating the
view, feeling the sensation of the cool air and warm sunshine on my skin.
I became aware of a strange sadness which surprised me. I wept. I bounced
a small ball I found on the roof and have not seen since. I began to sing
soft, gentle lullabies, moved to tunes by Simon and Garunkel's ("Bridge
Over Troubled Water", "I am a Rock"), Eric Clapton's "Tears
in Heaven", and Bette Midler's "The Rose".
In the beginning of this process, it was very important for me to put
together all the pieces of the puzzle each of us held and revealed in our
testimony. I found that after all chance of appeal as to the verdict had
passed I did not wish to put anyone through any more pain. The jury had
heard all the testimony and found my father guilty. Somewhere there was a
common thread which made up the warp and weft of the fabric. I did not
need to see the full design. I knew my own truth. This is enough for me. I
have moved on with my life. Courage is the price exacted to obtain
peace. Update: April 01, 2007
- The convicted sex offender, Roland Frank Chaput died at Nanaimo Regional
Hospital as a result of Lung Cancer. The last year of his life was spent
in the home of his youngest biological daughter, her daughter and two
grandchildren.
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