Warning Signs of Abuse

When beginning a new relationship, sometimes the excitement of going out with someone you really like stops you from seeing the warning signs of abuse. You don't have to have broken bones or a black eye to be abused. You may be experiencing emotional abuse, which might turn into physical abuse. Are you with someone who....

• Is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking up.
• Tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, doesn't take your opinion seriously.
• Is scary. You worry about how they will react to things you say or do. Threatens you.
• Is violent: has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly. Brags about mistreating others.
• Pressures you for sex, is forceful or scary around sex. Attempts to manipulate or guilt-trip you by saying "if you really loved me you would".
• Gets too serious about the relationship too fast.
• Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them.
• Blames you when they mistreat you. Says you provoked them, pressed their buttons, made them do it, led them on.
• Has a history of bad relationships and blames the other person for all the problems. "they just don't understand me."
• Believes men should be in control and powerful and that women should be passive and submissive.
• Has hit, pushed, choked, restrained, kicked, or physically abused you.
• Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you they were worried for you safety.
• If you answered "yes" to more than two of these questions, turn to someone for help before the "ultimate date" turns on you.
• Some people you could talk to might be:
  • police officer
  • a member of your family
  • a teacher or school counselor
  • your friends or their parents
  • your priest, minister or rabbi
  • a doctor or nurse
  • people in court, the local prosecuting attorney or victim advocate
  • staff at battered women's programs
  • another adult you trust