Testimonials

People have communicated with us from all over the planet, complaining that they live in the "kid capital of the world." Everyone they know and meet either has kids, or plans to.

I founded NO KIDDING! back in 1984 because I felt as though I was the only person on Earth who didn't have children, and I could think of no other way of meeting childfree people and making new childfree friends.

NO KIDDING! has been very good to me. I have made some close friends through the club (I have been best buddies with one of them since 1985), I have participated in numerous enjoyable activities that I, otherwise, probably wouldn't have considered, and I met my wife indirectly through NO KIDDING!

But enough about me. Let's see what other NO KIDDING! members think about our club...

Jerry Steinberg, "Founding Non-Father" of NO KIDDING!

Why did we start a chapter of No Kidding! in our town? Well, the answers to that question are many.

Trying to have a conversation with people who have children is uncomfortable and very boring! Trying to have a telephone conversation with a parent of young children is nearly impossible. A simple conversation that should take no more than five or ten minutes turns into a half hour of listening to mom or dad entertain and control their offspring while trying to talk to you at the same time.

Trying to arrange for a night out with them is difficult. Friends with children tend to let you down at the last minute. Either their child has sneezed, or they cannot find a sitter, or some such excuse. If you do manage to get some time with your friends, the conversation quickly leads to the little darlings and how well the potty training is going, or that they have finally moved to solid food. Try talking to your friends about the latest new restaurant or world events only to be sideswiped with talk of toilet training and diaper changing! Very frustrating and not very exciting.

Since these scenarios were becoming far too frequent, we moved out of our friends' lives. Or should we say, they moved out of ours. We just had nothing in common anymore. That left us with a huge hole in our social calendar that we wanted to fill.

We had read about No Kidding! on the Internet while doing a search regarding the childfree lifestyle. We had not realized that there was so much information out there about couples and singles that did not have children! What a find! After reading about No Kidding!, we did some more digging and found there were three chapters in our area. After discussing it, we decided to start our own chapter, as the others were too far away. The city of Burlington, Ontario is quite large and we thought there would be a great number of people that felt the same way we did.

We had our first event in September of 2001. We contacted the local paper who did a story on us and printed details of the event and the group. The response to that newspaper article was very good – much better than we had expected. We had 18 people show up for the first event and many of those people are still with us. We have had lots of new members since then and we can usually count on at least 12 to attend all events.

Events range from potluck dinners to pool parties to bowling and much, much more. Many of these people have become good friends with us and with each other. We feel that not only did we benefit from starting the group, but so did the other members. We have all increased our circle of friends and it’s wonderful.

Thanks to Jerry and No Kidding!, we have more friends than we ever did before and we all have at least one thing in common with them: We don’t have any children. Having conversations that don’t revolve around “poopoo” or play dates is such a relief and far more interesting.

Imagine an entire dinner conversation that does not include the words “diaper,” “teething,” or “daycare”!

Darrin and Theresa, Burlington, ON chapter

Three years ago, when my husband and I were in our mid-30s, we decided we did not want to have children. We don't dislike children -- in fact we love our nieces, nephews, and friends' children -- but we just didn't want to take on the responsibility of raising our own. We thought long and hard about having children and decided it wasn't a lifestyle change we wanted.

Unfortunately, we found that as most of our friends started having children, they didn't have time to socialize like they used to. As society started pressuring us more and more to have children, I started to feel almost alienated from some of my friends with children. They couldn't understand why I didn't want what they wanted. I started to question myself . . . "Is something wrong with me?" . . . "Why don't I want children?" . . . "Doesn't everyone?"

In my quest for answers, I started surfing the Web to learn more about how people make the decision to have children. There were very few articles out there but, to my amazement, I eventually came across the NO KIDDING! site ... and I couldn't believe there was a whole social group just for people like us -- those who had chosen to not have children! I was SO thrilled to see that a chapter had just been started in our area -- the Chester County NO KIDDING! Chapter!

After a few emails with the group founders, we attended our first event --  the Annual Summer Picnic. It was a major turnaround for us; we made friends with so many people immediately! There was an immediate sense of camaraderie among members -- so nice to be among others who supported our choice to be childfree. No pressure or questioning from others about your lifestyle decision. How freeing!

Since that first event, we have become very active members. We have made SO many good friends. What is sad is that we are now relocating to the south due to a job transfer. We look forward to our new adventure, but will TRULY miss all of our fabulous friends up north. Thanks so much to Tracy and Wendy for starting the group -- it's a fantastic chapter.

Hopefully we will reunite at future NK! conventions!

Although there are no NO KIDDING! chapters directly where we are moving to, we hope that won't be the case for too long. Keep your eyes open for a new chapter in Birmingham, AL. Once we get settled in, we plan to start a new chapter!

Lorraine & Dwayne T. (formerly of the Chester County, PA chapter, and soon to be founders and members of the newly-formed Birmingham, AL chapter)

I'm a 36-year-old single female, and childfree. I never thought a group even existed for people without children. When I found No Kidding! on the Internet, I was thrilled!

Although I've only gone to one No Kidding! activity so far, I had a fantastic time.  I had never met any of these people before, and right off, I felt like I was around kindred spirits, people who were very much like me.

We are a rare breed, and I'm glad I found a group such as No Kidding! who can identify with my choices in the children department.
A
ChildFREE by choice, and better off because of it!

No kids, no debt, no problem!

Beth, Raleigh, NC chapter

We would like to tell you that No Kidding! has been a very positive experience for us.  We first moved to Maine in September of 2000, and didn't know anyone in the area.  As we had already made our decision not to have children, we started looking for a group on the Internet to meet people like us.  We found Chapter One's website, but were disappointed to learn the closest chapter was in Manchester, NH.  

After deliberating for a few months and receiving the packet of startup information from Jerry, we decided to host our first event with the NH chapter in Portsmouth.  It was a huge success, and we've been growing ever since.  

We've met many new friends and we receive an email every few weeks from someone who is thrilled to learn we exist.  No Kidding! is a great way to meet people with similar interests, and we're glad we got involved.

Mike and Lisa, Southern Maine chapter

For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me, because I did not have kids, and everyone else did. But, when I discovered No Kidding!, it was a tremendous awakening to find out that I was not alone. Ever since then, this organization has given me the peace of mind to know that those who choose to be childfree are not odd or wrong or disturbed, but rather free to choose.

It has made a major difference in my life.

Steve, Virginia Beach, VA chapter

Most of my husband's and my friends have kids who recently entered the hectic teen-age years with the attendant whirlwind of activities.  It seemed that we had to plan two months or more in advance to get together even for a simple dinner at our home.  Obviously, a just-pick-up-and-go outing was -- and still is -- impossible.

One night, Dan discovered the Chapter One site.  A few weeks later, Martha e-mailed him to inform him that a St. Louis chapter had formed. Joining No Kidding! revitalized our flagging social life.  The chapter's monthly events opened us to new things we never before tried, such as floating down the Meramec River.  In the company of another No Kidding! couple, Roxanne and Shawn, Dan and I attended skydiving class; and then the three of them jumped while I cheered from sanity below.  We've been to restaurants, both casual and elegant, that we never knew existed.  In all activities, I've enjoyed the conversation about work, current events, and other topics more esoteric.  While I understand that parents are thrilled when their child masters a skill such as turning over or crawling, these skills aren't all that rare;  it's difficult to relate to the parents' upwelling  emotions expressed in impassioned monologues on these ordinary accomplishments.

Better than all of these events are the friendships made through the group.  I remember well the first meeting at Martha and Todd's house, surrounded by twenty other people who had made the same choice we had.  For me, it was a relief and joy, bordering on mystical ecstasy, when I realized that there would be no judgmental silence after that awful question, "Do you have kids?" Perhaps the others felt the same;  we immediately forged strong friendships.  I've found the members of No Kidding! to be warm, intelligent, and caring, as well as possessed of a sense of humor.  These four traits (kindliness, integrity, intelligence, and a sense of humor) are those that I seek in close friends.  In only one other place have I found people who so consistently demonstrate such traits:  graduate school at St. Louis University.  I look to a future made brighter by my friends in No Kidding!

Debra, St. Louis, MO chapter

Thanks for starting up No Kidding!.  It really is a great club. 

My wife and I lived in Buffalo, NY for 33 years, so when we moved to Florida (without jobs) three and half years ago, we had no idea what it was like to have to try to make friends -- and how hard it was at this point in your life and when you don't have children and don't know anyone in your new city.  No Kidding! was our chance to put us in an advantageous situation and I'm glad that we've started our chapter.  It's true what you say in your e-mails ... we do love making new childfree friends, and know that the potential exists to make more through the many childfree people we continue to meet through our chapter.

Bruce W., Co-Founder, Hillsborough County, FL chapter

I started the Columbus, Ohio NO KIDDING! chapter because I was looking for more friends who had interests similar to mine. All of my friends from college were having children, and as soon as the baby arrived, they were no longer available. 

Starting the chapter was very easy by simply employing the ideas in the startup information packet. Once my husband and I decided on a first meeting date, time and location, we were good to go. We invited the people whose contact information was included in the startup information packet, sent press releases to the local papers (city, neighborhood, freebies and university), and hung a few flyers in libraries & grocery stores. We rented a PO Box and created a webpage, using space already available with our existing e-mail service. 

We are approaching our first anniversary. My husband and I are still planning a lot of the activity calendar, but more of the members are planning some, too. The activities are based on ideas from the group. We are finding that a quarterly brunch is a great time to bring most everyone together and get a few of these housekeeping issues taken care of. 

I'm meeting so many new people. I'm meeting folks I have common interests with, so instead of doing activities by myself or just with my husband, there are others to also do them with. We're also becoming really good friends with many of the folks we've met. And the nice thing is the party doesn't have to end because the babysitter needs to be taken home! 

Jennifer, Columbus, OH Chapter

It has helped a lot to attend No Kidding! functions.  It is a relief not to  be asked, "When are you going to have children?" 

Society assumes everyone should have children when, clearly, not everyone should.  Just look at all the abuse cases, foster children, etc. -- obviously more people should think before having children.  Too many people just jump right in and then don't want to take the responsibility.

It is nice to meet new childfree people, as they are hard to find.  And it's reassuring to know I'm not alone.

Chris, Raleigh, NC chapter

I first joined Toronto No Kidding! in August, 2001, and was among the people involved with No Kidding! Ottawa when it first met in October, 2001.

I'm in my mid-thirties, never married, no kids. I grew up being tormented and bullied by other kids, so I have no illusions about the little angels -- they have this certain knack for spotting the weakest among their own number and turning upon them. If you find them utterly adorable, fine, but they're just not for me.

Unfortunately, being childfree-by-choice in this country means basically being invisible. Everything seems to revolve around parents and kids, as if governments, churches and businesses had taken it upon themselves to decide for us that our most important role is to keep producing more "little shoppers" in a world that can't feed all of the people it already has.

Have a kid, get a tax break. Have a kid, stick your colleagues at work with the costs of subsidizing you through mandatory group insurance plans, or through having to pick up the slack when you are absent on parental leave. Have a kid, get a welfare or unemployment handout. Lost your job? Well, you can always be a mommy, right? Another mouth to feed will solve everything.

Oh, and if you can produce another little mouth to feed, you get to park closer to the grocery store, almost right next to those big posters in the plate glass mall windows which loudly proclaim it to be "Mother's Day" or "Father's Day" for about two months a year as a justification to demand people buy more useless, overpriced stuff from merchants.

That place advertised as "fun for the whole family"? Odds are, it's not geared to everyone... just to the very little ones so that the parents can keep them occupied for a few moments.

And if you don't want to have kids? Nah... couldn't be, no such thing; don't you know that if some question is a "motherhood issue" that immediately means that you are not going to argue or express a contrary opinion? 

Even the medical profession seems to prefer to use terms like "family doctor" instead of "general practitioner." Want a vasectomy or some other form of surgical sterilization? Dr. YoullChangeYourMind will do his or her best to convince you to reconsider.

After all, everyone wants to have kids of their own, right?

They must be kidding...

It's too easy to start feeling isolated, invisible, like the only one that feels this way, especially when reaching the ages (late twenties, thirties, early forties) where so many others are becoming parents or already are.

The parents have their PTAs and their support networks, fine. But what about the rest of us?

It's all too common for childfree couples to find that other couples who were friends are now ignoring them in order to find the time to take care of their little new arrivals. Adults tend to ignore other adults if tending to a screaming infant or two must come first. Parents tend to make friends with other parents -- people with which they have something in common -- perhaps without a second thought. Childfree singles have the added problems of trying to  find a significant other who isn't either in this looking for someone to support the kids they'd already had before a previous divorce, or looking to have kids ASAP because "that biological clock is ticking!"

Sure, there are a handful of childfree-by-choice resources on the Internet, as well as a few books on the subject (usually filed by libraries under "childless") but it's not so easy for people without kids to meet others like themselves locally.

After all, when "So when are you getting married?" becomes "So when are you having kids?" not all of us speak out readily to tell all and sundry "No, we don't want any, ever!" even if we've already made our decisions. We're invisible, remember?

Yet we exist in your local area and would like to meet others like ourselves, if only just to make some new friends.

So what to do?

First, try to find an existing group of childfree people, if not locally, then at least in the next town. For Internet users, the www.nokidding.net site is a good starting point as it contains links to individual No Kidding! local chapters. Some of these local No Kidding! chapter sites also provide useful links to find other childfree-related Internet content.

If you're in (or near) a large city and find nothing already in place, why not start a local group for childfree people? 

After all, odds are you're not the only one... it's just that no one else has bothered to speak up yet.

And yes, one can start simply.

There are plenty of ways to get the word out for little or no money at all. Most city newspapers provide some form of local entertainment or community events listings, most often free of charge (in the Ottawa Citizen this would be Saturday's "Going Out" section -- we found many of the people for our initial gathering through a short [free!] ad here). Ads can also be posted to the Internet (we've tried ott.events at times) and media such as local cable TV (www.rogerstelevision.com).

And yes, one can build a webpage with little effort and no money.

Most word processors support a "file -> save as HTML" which will save any document in a form that can later be uploaded as a web page; most Internet service providers include some small amount of web space at no extra cost when they sell Internet access. No Kidding! Ottawa's web site was originally created in September, 2001 on the National Capital Freenet (and updated monthly since then) and yes the price is right. :^)

A telephone or voicemail number could also be useful (mostly for new inquiries or for messages from people without net access) but most contacts will tend to be via e-mail. Internet has displaced regular mail, reducing costs to nearly zero.

NK! Ottawa started as just three childfree people who wanted there to be an active chapter somewhere closer than Toronto; by the time we actually got around to having our first gathering a few weeks later, we had reserved a table for eleven of us at a local restaurant under the group's name (No Kidding!). Some were people who had contacted Chapter One in the year or two before Ottawa officially became a No Kidding! chapter (a contact list is provided to each new chapter) and some were friends of friends or people we'd met online (at least one from alt.support.childfree) but the vast majority simply found us by obtaining the address of our local (free) web site from our (also free) listing in the local newspapers.

The concept is straightforward enough; we're just an informal group of friends, all childfree, who meet every month or so for dinner or an activity. We'll pick a place, date and time to meet based on suggestions offered by members of our group at previous gatherings or in e-mail. We'll announce the details a few weeks in advance on the web site, send them to the free community events listings in the newspapers and occasionally to newsgroups like ott.events or alt.support.childfree. We also use an e-mail list to announce all events to existing members. Those who wish to attend will leave e-mail or voicemail to let us know at least a few days in advance and a reservation is then made at a restaurant or other venue for the group.

All that's left to do at that point is to show up and ask for the group by name... No Kidding!

We usually meet about once a month in or near downtown Ottawa -- if we go further afield (and this could be anywhere from the Richmond Fair to the Diefenbunker, Gatineau Park or even a country maple sugar shack) we usually do need to carpool.

There is no membership fee, as there are no expenses. Anyone who, for whatever reason has never had kids, is free to join us. 

Have our lives changed? Probably not, and we certainly haven't changed the world... or even tried to do so. We don't have a political agenda and my personal opinions are not necessarily those of anyone else in any local chapter.

Nonetheless, we have had a lot of fun and made plenty of new childfree friends. Our world is a little bigger. A chance to get away from it all for a little while with a friendly social group of like-minded people. No Kidding!

Carl, Ottawa, ON chapter

Being part of a No Kidding! chapter has given our lives a new direction.  After fifteen years of dealing with infertility and the heartache of miscarriages, it was time to move on.

Our lives had revolved around trying to have a baby… believe me, I could tell you almost anything about fertility treatments.

We came to a point in our lives where we decided we needed to move on and start living. It was a hard decision, but after being on a medical leave for stress and depression, I knew I could not handle much more heartache.

While searching on the Internet for information on living childfree and how to get on with life, I came upon No Kidding!. I decided that this would be something that would help in the moving-on process, and I was right. 

I and one other person started a chapter. We have been quite busy getting things going, but we know that, with a little more hard work, it will be great.

My husband and I have already done things that probably would not have crossed our minds to do... ever. Some of the things we have done are going for sushi, trying a Starbuck's coffee (which neither of us had ever had), going to the street performers festival, and attending group dinners.

We enjoy being around our friends who have kids, because they understand why we do not have any, and we adore their kids, but it has been wonderful meeting new friends and not having to explain ourselves or hear the "Do you have kids?" question, which is usually the first thing people ask you when you meet them -- outside of No Kidding! activities.

My husband and I are looking forward to many more years of No Kidding! and new childfree friends.

Amber, Edmonton, AB chapter

No one asks you why; no one cares why.  Your decision not to have children is why they want you to come.

No Kidding! has provided for me and my husband a social group where we can be honest, and speak our minds.

Where we can stay out all night, and organize spur-of-the-moment weekend getaways.

Where we can always find someone who has tried that new restaurant, enjoyed that new musical, or has visited that foreign city.

Nowhere else can you find a group of couples and singles who have seen the world, who talk about real issues, who live to have fun their entire lives.

In No Kidding! we found lifelong friendships that we cherish, and will grow old with.

When breeders ask, "But who will take care of you when you're old?" I say, "My friends, because we'll take care of each other."

Shelly, Canterbury, NH chapter

As the first anniversary approaches for the North East New Jersey Chapter, I had to write to thank you for starting No Kidding!. Before hearing about this club, my husband and I felt like outcasts for not wanting children. All our family and friends either have children or are trying. My husband and I never wanted children, and found that we had less and less in common with our friends. We discovered No Kidding! and began the North East New Jersey Chapter one year ago. I wanted you to know how much it has impacted our lives. We have made so many friends by hosting dinners, wine tasting events, barbecues, and more. We have also become close to the Central New Jersey/Staten Island Chapter by co-sponsoring events with them. My member distribution list is now up to 94 addresses, and we look forward to even more childfree friends in the future.

Warm regards,
Jean
Happy to Be Child - Free
No Kidding! North East NJ Chapter

My wife and I joined No Kidding! last summer when we moved to North Carolina. It is so refreshing to get together with a group of people who are becoming better friends with every meeting... with that one common thread of not having any children.

Last weekend was the November event, held at a local bar/restaurant. We were just a group of about a dozen or so people out together, enjoying the evening. My wife and I were delighted to go for a whole evening, knowing we would not be confronted by that perpetual question: "So.... do you two have kids?"

Just today I had to deal with the question twice, once from a 23-year-old co-worker, who said that he thought I would make a great dad, what with my sense of humor and all... Then I was at a practice for new lectors at my parish church, when one of the other lectors asked where I was from, where I now lived, and BINGO: "Do you have kids? No? Well, I have three. Aged 14, 16 and 18."

What IS it about asking that question? My wife and I have plenty of friends with kids, and we visit these friends quite often. In fact, I enjoy being with their kids -- and am indeed quite comfortable around them, without feeling any deep urgent need to have any of my own. Sincerely not.

Anyway, back to No Kidding! -- it's a good idea -- a very good idea, in fact.

Nevertheless, there is just one aspect about the club that concerns me, and that is that we should not get hung up in the sometimes overemphasized negativity of the reason for the existence of the No Kidding! club. I mean that when we discuss the reason why we are together, some members take it a bit far, for my taste. They give the impression that they have something approaching an allergy to kids and anything to do with them. I agree that the reason why the club gathers is to be together without the presence of kids, but sometimes I hear people sound like they are  getting a bit carried away, almost manic about the NO CHILDREN aspect of the club.

When my wife and I joined we thought it's a neat idea to meet with like-minded people, who do not feel any obligation, either moral or socio-political to populate this earth with yet more Homo sapiens, as if six billion were not enough. It has been an absolutely enjoyable experience to meet with the No Kidders and we look forward to doing so often in the future. We certainly do look forward to whole evenings void of discussions of daycare centers, kids' soccer schedules and the trustworthiness of babysitters.

Right now we are looking ahead in anticipation to the Christmas event that our club leader has hinted about in broad terms, but is not letting out of the bag just yet... we can't wait!

Thanks, No Kidding!

Scott, Charlotte, NC chapter

I'm a 32-year-old single, childfree male in Tampa, Florida. I just had to send you an e-mail to say thank you for coming up with such brilliance! I think your organization is exactly what I and many others have been in search of: A group of people with whom we can relate and not be ostracized, or made to feel less important, by those who have decided (or were forced by society and are now secretly miserable) to become parents. I will be contacting the local chapter and hopefully meeting people and participating in some of the up-coming activities. Thanks again, and I hope to meet you in person some day.

Your new friend,

Patrick, Orlando, FL chapter

I am a single woman, 55 years of age. On a recent job interview, I responded to the question of days off and commitment with, "Well, I rarely am absent. I am fortunately very healthy, and never have to take off from work to take the kids to the doctor, or stay home because they are out of school -- because I don't have any!" I think that's what tipped the scales in my favor.

I wish there were more singles here in Raleigh, especially now that it might be nice to marry a non-father, and continue to enjoy my life as a couple, but alas, there are about 20 women to each guy here (that is, in the "older" category of 48 to 60 year olds).  So if you are an Autumn man, think about moving to Raleigh, joining our high-energy, intelligent (sometimes very crazy) No Kidding! group. It does not take much for us to have a party, and new members moving to Raleigh is great cause to justify an all-nighter.

I tag along with these younger people, and have had the time of my life!

Theresa, Raleigh, NC chapter

Six months after I first found the No Kidding! Chapter One site, I was still waiting for someone to start a chapter in St. Louis. But finally, I realized I was just going to have to do it myself. I was very lucky; many people found my preliminary website and we had 22 people at our first get-together. Many of the people coming to our events today were there at that first potluck at my house in January, 2001.

Our chapter is very informal. Someone volunteers to plan an activity and everyone who shows up pays their own way to whatever it is we're doing. We've had folks participate in a wide range of events, from trying new restaurants, attending wine tastings, competing in trivia contests, inner tubing down the Meremac River, and even skydiving.

Our lives have changed, in that we now have a lot of people we see on a regular basis who are willing to do all of the above and more (well, except for the skydiving – only three in our chapter were brave enough to do that). The folks of our chapter enjoy each other's company and our evenings almost always run late because everyone's having too much fun to leave. No Kidding! has been great for me, my husband, and a lot of other folks in the greater St. Louis area.

Martha, St. Louis, MO chapter

The End ... so far ...

Contact your local chapter: http://members.shaw.ca/nokiddingchapterone/06.htm

Contact our media spokespeople: spokespeople@nokidding.net

(20 JUL 06)