CECELIA'S STORY

In my early youth, around puberty, I realized that I didn't want to have children. It was hard enough trying to adjust to my changing body; for example, the nuisance of my menstrual period, never mind the thought of having children. I also think that it's unfair that the woman has to go through pregnancy, while the man does not have to go through such an ordeal -- one of my greatest fears of pregnancy is the pain during labour; the other is the frequent morning sickness. All in all, I saw pregnancy and childbirth as a major inconvenience to be avoided.

The key factor that influenced my decision is medical. I am taking prescribed medications, which could be harmful to a fetus. Plus, my illness, manic depression, could complicate matters if I became pregnant. I do not want to pass this illness on through the genes.

I confess that I sometimes feel guilty about my decision, because having children seems the normal thing to do, and everyone wants to appear normal and fit in with others.

Most of my friends know about my decision and most of them agree that if one doesn't want children, one shouldn't be forced to have any. However, I think it is best that my family not know too much about it -- it would upset them and then I'd feel guilty for upsetting them. My parents would be very disappointed that I wasn't going to make them grandparents and I don't think they'd understand my reasoning.

There are many forms of "family". There are families with two parents, families with one parent, families with stepparents, families with several children, families with one child, and families with no children. They are all families.

I look forward to growing older in the sense that I want to be more mature. Sometimes, I worry that if I do not have children, I might be lonely. I don't think people should have children to avoid loneliness -- it isn't fair to the children and, besides, there's no guarantee that having children will prevent loneliness. I know lots of lonely people who have children and even grandchildren. However, if I make some good friends in my life, I doubt that I'll ever be lonely. Not having grandchildren would be as normal as not having children.

I have many other sources of relationships with children -- mainly friends' children. If my brother and sister-in-law have children, I'll have nieces and nephews to dote on. I quite enjoy the company of children, especially if they are playing and having fun without too much screaming. If they are screaming or crying, it really gets on my nerves.

I have a dog which I think is the best friend a person could have. I would rather have a dog than a child.

Living with my harsh and rigid grandmother, who was very hard to get along with, probably influenced me in my youth. I believe that she did not genuinely like children. I was much closer to my other grandmother who did not live with us. She truly delighted in the company of children.

Once, I was dining with a friend in a restaurant. The table next to ours had a small baby that just kept screaming and crying. This annoyed me very much because I don't think that people should have to listen to this in a public place. I told the mother that I didn't like the wailing and asked her why she couldn't leave the kid at home until he was old enough to know how to behave in a restaurant. She got very annoyed. Thankfully, they didn't take too long to finish eating -- and she and her husband took turns holding the baby to keep him quiet. What kind of dinner is that if you can't even eat together? They didn't even get a chance to chat. The kid should have been left at home for everyone's sake. Nobody in that restaurant enjoyed their meal because of that shrieking child.

The longer I live, the happier I am that I have chosen not to have children of my own.