Breakforth 2008

Ricki: "Hey look, it's the ark of the covenant! TOUCH IT! TOUCH IT!!"

Me: "Do you have cannibalistic tendencies to go with your violent streak?"

Ricki: "I feel a draft."
Me: "You're getting old, Ricki. You can't feel drafts until you're old."

Me: "On a scale from one to irony it was... very ironic."

Calgary Weekend (2007)

Me about streets starting with Cran: I mean, come on, they could have at least had Cranraspberry! Best drink ever.

In the Art Gallery, there is a picture of a man holding a chicken.
Amy: It looks like he was out on a quest! And found a chicken!

Me: I wonder if the CN tower is still open...
Amy: You mean, the Calgary Tower.
Me: Whatever! The C tower then. The cool tower!
Amy: Cool as a cucumber!
Janta: It's a big cucumber of love!
Twyla: WHAT?!
Janta: It's one of those things you don't think about before you say it?

Janta: It's so warm in the car... Now I can put on my pants.
Me and Amy: *sputter*

Jello/Operation Party (2007)

Scene It DVD Voice: "This concludes the set-up instructions."
Aaron: "Please fasten your seatbelts for take-off."

AMac's friend Denley: Twyla had this really recently!
Everyone: Jello! Milk! The cards! Ummm...
Me: *realizing* OH COME ON! *10 seconds pass*
Jordie: Surgery?
Denley: YES!
Me: Denley, thank you for knowing that even though I barely know you. Shame on all of you!

Denley: In the pursuit of prey...
AMac: WOMEN!

Philip: *with Italian accent* People with theesa accent make it...
Everyone: *laughing* PIZZA!
Philip: Eet's long, and strrrringy!

Jessie: You're no freak. You're weird and insane, there's a difference.
Me: My friends give the greatest compliments.

My Mom

"You know what my New Year's resolution is? To treat the very thought of Al Gore with disdain, and to glory in the yellow light of incandescent bulbs." (Dec. 2007)

"Where's the elevator for the emotionally crippled?"

Aunt: *reading menu* I'll have the Summer Sizzler Sazmon Samad. Salmon. Salad.
Waitress: Ohhhkay.
Mom: She's still getting used to the rental tongue.

"The subconscious realization that we aren't really the masters of our own destiny drives people to emulate models, sports figures, the rich and famous, and superheroes--who actually have no more control of their destiny than anyone else. I guess it's mostly under the mistaken belief that more money would solve all their problems. One wrong choice can leave you a bloody heap at the bottom of the stairs, or tied to a psychopath for 50 years. And, when you're starting out in life, how much do you know to base your decisions upon? Even later, after experience steps up and slaps you in the face--how much do you really know then? If I must live, I want to live well."

Ricki and Twyla's Hangout Day

"Didn't you have a martian alligator phase?"

"You have herds of people?"

"This is not a pen, it's a napkin-ripping device!"

"Which came first, the chicken or Star Wars?"

"Hey, I know that font!" x5

"My itch doesn't migrate like lemmings."

"The Tomato Mafia!"

"I don't plan on kissing any frogs."

"What about the velocity of high levels of napkins?"

"I hate you!"
"I hate you too. That's why we're such good friends."

Actually Random Quotes

Me: So just remember, if "raising your hands" means having them here [level with your shoulders in front of you, palms drooping at the wrist] than you're probably not doing it right. *cue the three of us walking a few steps making weird zombie faces and collapsing to our seats with laughter* (Easter 07)


Dr. Peterson: Well we checked your brain and the good news is there's nothing there. Wait, that came out wrong. There's no damage.

Tony: There's only two Chess Grandmasters in Saskatoon, and they only play with each other.
Everyone: EW!
Tony: DIRTY, DIRTY MINDS!

Amy: An adult pair of green, shiny, googly eyed alligator boots, that's all I'm asking for.

Amy: It was so awkward. We don't have a hugging relationship!

Ehren: Download it! Come on! It's just like your morning coffee!
Me: I don't get up in the morning. AND I don't drink coffee. You can't argue with that.
Ehren: Well, then rename it to... Afternoon Tea!
Me: Okay, you win.

SelfQuotes

"Shaking one's fist at something always makes the situtation seem just a little better."

"You know you're a nerd when: You post anonymous posts in some communities and the page asks to confirm you're human, and you have a 5 minute long inner-discourse on metaphysics. "

"All I can say is, sarcasm becomes him like a wet shirt. Or the abscence of a... *ahem*
Never mind."

"I just need winter....I mean summer. What am I saying! Blasphemy! Agh!"

MSN/Gtalk Conversations

Me: hugs
Ricki: hugs! tomorrow is my monthiversary <3
Me: What's that on me... It's kind of sticky. Oh it's SAP. SAPPPPPPP.
Ricki: AHAHAHAHAAAAAA
lawwwwl
I love you Twy xD
(2008)

Hellkite4ever: (MSN conversation about vegetarians) "There's room for all of God's creatures, right next to the mashed potatoes!" (2005)

Hellkite4ever: (MSN) "People are a lot like slinkies. Generally useless, but it always puts a smile on your face when you push one down the stairs..." (2005)

highrise: "Thanks for letting me spew crazy."
newsong: "No problem, I like your brand of crazy. Buy it all the time." (June 2007)

LiveJournallers

mishamish:
"I am reminded of words written three feet high along two walls of the bathroom of my college dorm:

"THINK YOU STUPID, SIMPLE MINDED SHEEP! THINK!"

That just about says it all, I think."

A Conquiztador Christmas (2007)

James: Buck teeth are in style.

Me: I love how our Christmas parties always revolve around Ben's eating habits.

Jessie: Look at my [origami] whale!
Everyone: It looks... like a whale!
Ricki: Very like a whale. (That, for those not in the know, is a literary reference.)

Edmonton Weekend (2006)

Kate on gift giving situations with your boyfriend's family: "But not Valentines. 'Cause, that'd be creepy!"

Melanie: You're forever in my heart, gelly pen.
Twyla: But not literally.
Melanie: I should hope not!!

Janel: *looking at a grain bin* "Looks kinda like a... virus."

Kate: "I'm weird in a random, scary way. She's weird in a bad way."

Kate: "Hey, we can all drink in Alberta!"
Janel: "We can all drink in Saskatchewan too."

Kate: "Winnipeg's not Canada. It's backwater."

Janel: Guess what we've been doing, Scott? Spooning, have you gotten that far?

Kate: *to parking machine* I have to go to the bathroom, give me my f****ing ticket.

Shelley's Going Away to Teach ESL Party (2006)

James: Nicole! Watch out for the doorknob! (It was broken.)

Audrey: Shelley is moving to California to be a stripper!

Shelley: Philip, were you kicking puppies?!
Philip: It was consensual!

Shelley was asked for her Top Ten Favourite Things About Life.
Shelley: The meatloaf is like my child!
James: Are they all going to be food?
Shelley: Well duh!
Melanie: What about us?
Shelley: You guys are all like, number two.

Jessie: Have you ever tried to shave with a pen?

James strikes a The Thinker pose for Jessie to draw him
Twyla: James, The Thinker is old and naked.
James: Well then... *reaches for shirt*

Jessie: James, you have a nice pointy chin...
James: Why thank you. I sharpen it every day!

Shelley: Did you just kick me in the head!?
Jesse: Yes. Hey, cookies!

Shelley: *reads a homemade birthday card* You spelled intelligent wrong.

Twyla: What are you doing?
James: It's the instruction manual for my bonsai tree.

Jessie: If it helps, my legs have no romantic interest in you.

Jesse randomly wrote, "Don't get leprosy" on James' Birthday Card
James: At first I thought it said, "Don't get library." Oh, I won't! That's a terrible disease!

Jesse: Shelley's going to learn Costa Rican...
Twyla: What?!
Jesse: Well what do they speak down there, Mexican?

Shelley: Man, I've heard so many euphemisms for poop. My one coworker said, "I'm going to drop off the Cosby kids at the pool..." And I was like, "You can't leave work now!" then he had to explain it to me.

Twyla: This is a kind of toy made for adults. Not that kind!

Random Conquiztador Quotes

Ricki: Guess what Twyla? *spooky hands* I don't exist!
Me: *eyeroll* If you don't exist, than none of the ConQuiztadors do.
Ricki: Okay, NONE of us exist.
Me: So that's why the tips at Boston Pizza are so low...


Melanie: "Twyla, what do you call a pig with wings?"
Me: "WHAT?!?"
Melanie: "Isn't there a name for it?"
Me: "Um....A Pigasus?"

"I want to be Mrs. Peacock!" ~ Jordan

Jamie (chess advice): "JJ, you have to get inside Philip's head."
JJ: "Don't get inside Philip's head--you'll never get out!"

"I'm her! No, I'm with her! No, I'm just her partner!" ~ Jordan about Audrey

Shane: "Laughing at yourself is better than putting other people down to make yourself feel better."
Jamie: "Yeah, and Ben isn't here."

Philip: "Sioux is a very cute pitbull."
James: "They're monsters!"
Philip: "But Sue doesn't bite anyone!"
James: "Not that, you guys ate all the chips!"

"I'm so glad I don't see naked men in the mirror in the morning." ~ Shelley

"We're equal-opportunity evil." ~ Philip

Audrey: "Wow James, it looked like you were going to kiss Ricki!"
James: "Bring it!"

"Girls dig black hearts." ~ Jamie

"Timothy had a hemp phase. He always had some with him. He did it
everywhere." ~ Ricki

Shelley: "You did it right under my nose!"
Ben: "That's not hard--you've got a pretty big nose."
Shelley: "Put down your drink. It's time to die."

Ricki: "James is taking his shirt off!"
>Everyone cheers<

"Shelley and Jamie find love through the dictionary." ~ Audrey

Ricki (to James): "We didn't get you a birthday card because we know
you can't read."
Jamie: "He knows one word--LEMONLIME!"

Ricki (after James attempts to blow out candles): "He has eighteen girlfriends!"
Heather: "Does he even know eighteen girls?"
Jordan: "He can't read, so why should he be able to count?"

A Conquiztador Christmas (2005)
Shelley's Tree Decorating Party and James' Three Course Dinner and Gift Exchange Party

"You, me, insects! Now!" -James

"You nurkey!" -Shelley

"You're so not allowed to talk anymore."-Shelley

"What are you doing?" -James
"We were molesting Shelley! With toothpaste!" -Audrey

"Molesting you with toothpaste isn't that bad, though!" -Twyla
"Yes it is, it's STICKY." -Shelley

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

(Ben and I discussed whether punch was feminine or masculine - stile de French. We decided it was a masculine female object.)

"Punch women can wear leather." - Twyla

"Ricki's a punch woman!" - Ben

(Ricki pulled James' chair out from under him and his punch became a fountainous mass that spilled all over his suit.)

"You're lucky that was Scotchguarded!!!" - James

(Ricki dressed up and was incredibly hot looking pretty snazzy.)

"She's outgirling Timothy!" -Audrey
"YAY!" - Timothy

"Ricki's wearing makeup! Her Mom probably put it on, but still!" - Audrey

(James and Melanie had a camera-flash war and got each other at the same moment.)
"Your head is a glowing ball!" - Melanie

(James discusses being called a sweetheart by strangers. Especially the fact that it's creepy.)
"Why was it so creepy?"-Nicki
"Because she was thirty! Two! ISH!!"

(Regarding a drunken T.V. Chef and Shelley's childhood)
"I didn't know he was drunk at the time, I thought he was just stupid..." -Shelley

(Shelley was misheard to have said, "James in a dress")
"But James can't wear a dress, he doesn't have the curves!" -Twyla
"My curves are flowing!" -James

(Alex requests the washroom location.)
*points* "If you walk through that wall, BOOM." -James
"Oh....K." O_o -Alex

(Audrey advertises an LED water fountain during the gift exchange.)
"It's L.E.D. licious." - Audrey

(Ben tries a verbal phonetic pronounciation of PWNED that doesn't go over so well.)
"We're MEN and we're POWNING. Because MEN POWN." - Ben

(During a Random-Question type Get-To-Know-You game, some rather odd questions were conjured from the depths of twisted minds, including one-item desert islands, entertaining deaths, character weddings, and last meals.)

"Okay, first question. What do you look for in a mate's nose?" -Ben

"I like noses that aren't too long or too short... Not too wide, too long..." -Jamie
"What you're saying is that you like AVERAGE noses." -Twyla
"Yeah!" -Jamie

"I like pig-snout noses. Like Shelley's!" -Ben

"How did you come up with that question anyway?" -Nicki
"Well, I was looking at Twyla's nose..." -Ben

(Question:"If you had to get a tattoo on your thigh, what would it be?")
"Is this public thigh or private thigh?" -Ben

"He'd have to get 'I Love Hitler' on his private thigh." -Jamie
"And then he couldn't marry a Jewish woman." -Twyla
"Because she couldn't ever see my private thigh!" -Ben
"I guess she wouldn't be much use on the desert island." -Ricki

"Ben and Twyla! He likes her nose!" -James
*random cheers*
"NOOOOO!!! I'd convert!" -Twyla

(A question about the worst Halloween costume revealed that Melanie and Twyla had each had a costume that ended up looking more like a hooker than a French Maid/20's Flapper)
"I feel like I'm missing out on childhood!" -Shelley
"Because no one ever mistook your costume for a hooker?" -Twyla

(Hershey's Kisses in a gift exchange can cause a lot of awesome misunderstandings.)
"Jordan is giving Ben kisses!" -Timothy
"AWWWW!" - Everyone
"They're not kisses, they're mostly eggs!" -Jordan

"Hey! I'm going to sit on you if you don't move. Don't make me kiss you, Jamie!" -Nicki
*horrified look* -Jamie
*hands him chocolate* -Nicki
*relieved look* -Jamie

"Ben, would you like a kiss?" -Ricki
"From you? NEVER!" -Ben
"But I stole all those kisses from you tonight!" -Ricki

(No context needed)

"Jesus is a ninja turtle!" -Shelley

"Shame on your cow!" -Shelley

"Just add turtle!" -Ben
"Disambiguated Quote: Just add turtle. Kind of like saying, 'Your Mom...'" -Twyla
"And that's the true meaning of Christmas!" -Jamie

"He cut a heart-shaped hole in my heart!" -Heather
"I was going to say, 'He circumscised your heart??'" -Ben

"Who wants to marry a British person?" -Ricki

"Ben's not classy enough to be Hitler." -Audrey
"I could be Hitler if I wanted to!" -Ben

"I think it would be hilarious to hold a contest about how fast you could talk and still be understood." -Joshua
"I think girls have that mastered by age 12." -Shelley

"Your talking liscence has been revoked!" -Shelley

"You shouldn't have alkanol in the house! I mean..." -Timothy
"Why, because it will make us slur our words?" -Twyla

"He was just late. We were fashionable." - Melanie

"Scantily clad women isn't a chick flick!" -Shelley

"Curse your liver Ricki, in all its livery goodness!" -Shelley

"I've been promoted to garbage lady." -Melanie

"This just reeks of cool!" -Audrey
"I thought that was my socks." -Alex

Kate's Party Quotes (2005)

Girl: I couldn't figure out the faucet...
Guy: It can't be that hard! *goes to try it*
Heard from the bathroom: *immediate water sounds* DAMMIT! I feel stupid now.

Ricki: James can't read, and he doesn't use soap, and his car is PINK.
James: I HATE you.

Ricki: Hey gimpy!
James: SHUT UP.

James: *seriously* I guess I have three mutant bunny ears...

Jessie: Why are you holding Shelley's hand?
James: It's supposed to be lucky!!

Jessie: *about a Monopoly die* "Did the dog eat it?"
James: Well I guess we have an Intermission.
Someone: *looking at the dog* And we might be waiting a while...

James to Jessie: As much as I am AttractiveLad, you might need to lay off for awhile.

Jessie: Come on Kate, you know us well enough to know how often we randomly burst into song.

Kate: It's like... living in a musical!

10/31/04: Jordan's Halloween Party for the Lakewood Baptist Youth Group
(I wasn't there, but these are the really good quotes.)

"So you're sending me evil brainwaves?" ~ Ricki

"Ben, you're going to die alone. No, on second thought you won't die alone, you'll die in the middle of an angry mob." ~ Jamie

"All women marry down, Ricki Lee. It doesn't matter what race or class your husband is, it's the fact that he's male." ~ Shelley

Ben: "I'm wearing a dress, so you have to wear your Mario costume!"
Jordan: "But it gives me a wedgie!"

"Shelley's pure and innocent, not loose like Ricki!" ~ Janel

"The Siemens family is very sexy!" ~ Ben

Ben: "I want someone intelligent!"
Ricki: "No one intelligent is going to marry you, Ben. You have to face that someday."

"I'll give them to my pregnant wife. When I find a wife. If I find a wife. If I get her pregnant." ~ Jordan

Shelley: "We should make Ricki prime minister! Wouldn't that be fun?"
Jamie: "She'd be an evil tyrant!"
Shelley: "But she'd destroy America!

"Well, you kinda look like a fish." ~ Ben, to Shelley

Solveig: "Stop while you're ahead!"
Ben: "I'm not ahead, I'm behind!"
Ricki: "You're never ahead!"

"Yesterday was a day of celebration for our family. We got new encyclopedias!" ~ Ben

Ricki kicked Jamie off the couch. Literally." ~ Shelley

Solveig: "I am full of love and happiness and rainbows and smiles!"
Jamie (scoffing): "And my heart is red!"

Ben: "What's a bigot?"
Shelley: "You just got encyclopedias. Look it up!"

Shelley's Birthday (neither was I here - but one quote must be quoted:)

"...And then we got princess toe socks for Timothy, but his toes are like super deformed so we had to cut them." >horrified pause< "The socks, I mean!" ~ Ricki

CDA Quizmeet
January 28-29, 2005. And a couple from Philip's birthday party.

Ricki: "Boys are gross."
Twyla: "What boys?"
Ricki: "Vaguely all boys everywhere.

"Why do you keep looking at me whenever anyone says the word 'murder?'" ~ Ben

Steve Vincent (Practice question to the all-star quiz): El nombre de esposa...
Philip: "That's 'The name of my spouse is...'"
Josh Lepki: "...Your wife is hot?"
>much laughter ensues<
Steve Vincent: "That's correct! Josh has quizzed out without error!"

Solveig: "Ben's worst nightmare: waking up in a small room full of smelly, mentally-handicapped Catholic trolls."
Jamie: "Handicapped French Catholic trolls."

"That's my cousin!" ~ Philip
"That's my second cousin!" ~ Philip
"That's my cousin by marriage!" ~ Philip
"That's my cousin once removed on my father's side!" ~ Philip

Ben: "Australians are all drunkards."
Molly: >proceeds to relate story about her Australian grandfather who got drunk, lit himself on fire and died<
Ben: >mortified< "Okay, you win."

Ben: "I think Twyla's with Philip."
Ricki: "They're together! In the shower!"
Jamie: "Oh, that brings back horrible memories."

"James Bond committed nemecide!" ~ Philip

Ben: "What do you have behind your back?"
Philip: "What? My back?"
Ben: "It's not a troll, is it?"
Philip: *sarcastically* "Of course not..."

>whining like a small child< "Winnie the Pooh! Winnie the Pooooooooh!" ~ Ben

"I wasn't born yesterday! No wait, I was..." ~ Philip, the day after his birthday

Ricki: "I've never worn toe socks."
Ben: "Yes you have! I've seen you!"
Ricki: "That was Shelley!"
Ben: "Ehh, same thing."

Regina Quizmeet (2004)

"But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar, the elephants will be destroyed by fire... wait..." ~ Aaron

"Why is everyone fighting over my lap?" ~ Solveig

"Saxon dog!" ~ Philip

"Who needs romance? Boys have cooties!" ~ Ricki

"You're doing more to prove we're monkeys than anything!" ~ Ben to Jordan

"Yes, a sad day indeed, a day of lost pens and squished muffins." ~ Ricki

"Thanks for the Twylighters." (proceeds to actually ROFL) ~ Mrs. Block to Twyla

Twyla: "If I eat too much chocolate, I get sick."
Ricki: "Like dogs!"

"What I was saying about mammary glands was..." ~ Shelley

(To the tune of "Wild Thing") "Random boy C... dun dun, dun dun, he makes my heart sing..." ~ Ricki and Shelley

Ricki: "I spy with my nuclei..."
Shelley: "A ribosome? No, a mitochondria!"

"We will win through blood, sweat, and tears [...] Not mine, of course." ~ Jamie

"There's a fine line between funny and stupid, and I think we've hit that line quite profusely." ~ Shelley

"You deserve to be impaled with a bent spoon!" ~ Twyla, after Ricki told her embarrassing yogurt story

"Mmm... bathroom cookies..." ~ Shelley

"No forkstabbing! Badness!" ~ Ricki

"If you put my brain on the table, and you looked at it, it would be out of proportion." ~ Aaron

(On moving to Erindale) "I mean, there are girls at Avalon, but I need a change of scenery!" ~ Jamie

Aaron: "Argh! Some evil person stole my sole!"
Moffat: "Aaron sold his soul!"

"Let us go and have many bloody adventures, and after enough men have died, you may have your freedom." ~ Jamie

"Quote. I command you to quote." ~ Philip (ring a bell, anyone? ^_^)

"Tell Shelley to dump Philip and go out with me!" ~ James
"How dare he! He's cutting in on my girl!" ~ Philip
"This is proof that they're going out now!" ~ Ben
"..." (hides face in hands) ~ Shelley

"The point of what we are saying is this: to dent shiny cars." ~ Jamie with Frisbee (a quasi-quote of Hebrews 8:1)

"This is your brain." (points to burger) "This is your brain on finals." (viciously stabs burger with fork repeatedly) ~ Philip

"I shall revel in my cleverness. Oh, the cleverness of me!" Ricki

Jamie: "What? These are innocent eyes!"
Shane (while jabbing at Jamie with clipboard): "Can I poke it? Can I poke it with a sharp pointy stick?"

"He's cute." ~ Philip about Shane

Twyla: "Ricki, guys are fighting over you again!"
Ricki: "That is so not going in the quotes!"

"I do not accept happy bites from you! [...] Yuck, there's saliva on my arm!" ~ Twyla to Aaron

"I realized today what a font of useless knowledge I am." ~ Ricki

"I think we should turn Twyla and Aaron into stone sometime." ~ Philip

"But I didn't wish for Japanese noodles!" ~ Shane

"And I got the spoon! Fate brought it into my hands! (pause) Never mind. I hate fate. Fate ripped my pants." ~ Ricki

(Scratching people with serrated dime edge) "Dime of DOOM!" ~ Twyla

Mrs. Block: "Remember to buy your material for next year. So many times people buy it and then forget it in the sanctuary. Buy your equipment and pack it now so you don't forget it."
Timothy: "Or you could take a tour through the sanctuary..."

"Shady Hawkins dance... girls without their pants... there's nothing better..." ~ Ben

"I'm going to take happier toast." ~ Twyla

"These duckish things confuse me." ~ Ricki

Jamie: "Ben, what kind of people do you want in your country?
Ben: "Well, blue eyes and blonde hair wouldn't hurt..."
Ricki: "That sounds sort of familiar..."

"You bit me again! And there's saliva on my arm again!" ~ Twyla to Aaron

"No! I freakin' hate your sweater! Shut up!" ~ Philip, after hearing people sing "Sadie Hawkins Dance" too many times

"Look—it's a cuddle party!" ~ Ben

Ricki: "Aw, I broke a nail."
Timothy: "You're the last person I ever expected to say that.

Russell. MB Quizmeet (2004)

"I don't like girls, They're too emotional." ~ Solveig

"I'm covered in yogurt!" ~ Twyla

"I'm not making a castle! The butter's being mean to me." ~ Ricki

"Oh, that's from John." ~ Philip x5 (Quizzing on Hebrews)

"Why are we standing here looking at towels? Oh wow! Towels!" ~ Twyla

"You can tell it's late when girls start laughing at guy humor." ~ Shelley

"Oh, there's no holes in your arms." ~ Shelley

"I don't name my underpants." ~ Solveig

"The solution to inner pain is a healthy dose of outer pain!" ~ Philip

Swift Current Quizmeet (2003)
The First Quiz Meet Quotes Ever Written

"What's that game with the hanging person called?" ~ Shelley

"Joshua, let's have a quiet contest..." ~ Timothy

"Those are Saskatchewan mountains, also known as bumps." ~ Heather P.

(My aunt on hearing that: "There's also Saskatchewan valleys, also known as potholes...")

"Too much time on your hands, too many dirty socks, what are you gonna do?" ~ Timothy

"'Esmeralda' is a terrible name for a fry." ~ Aaron Mac

"Don't hurt yourself, it hurts." ~ Timothy

"I do so have a life, just look at what I can do to this straw!" ~ Aaron Mac

"Can I be a shelf? Please?" ~ Twyla

"No! Stop! My bowels/innards!" ~ Aaron Mac

"Next plan: sabotage Aaron's chair..." ~ Ricki

"Poor imaginary boyfriend! He loved you deeply, and you left him and broke his heart..." ~ Twyla

"'A' is for Affort!" ~ Shelley

"It's a happy shirt... except for the bloodstains..." ~ Ricki

"I have the sudden urge to bite people." ~ Timothy

"Your ears are glowing..." ~ Twyla

"Okay, no one's behind me... Time to pick out my wedgie..." ~ Anonymous

"And so with sugar is happiness restored to my world." ~ Ricki

"Can I try on the glasses? Will they fit around my hair?" ~ Jamie

"Ahhh! All of a sudden I have ten fingers!" ~ Aaron Mac

"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!" ~ Mrs. Block

IVCF Games Night:
The following are questions/answers to Trivial Pursuit and Taboo questions.

Amy: When old people sneeze, they have an?
Dave: Aneurism?

Dan: A type of cow you chop up...
Everyone: *laughs and has no idea*

Person A: What's a guy with a moustache?
Person B: Hitler?
Person C: Stupid-looking?
Person D: Classy?

Dan: (about trying to get people to say hampster in Taboo) You could have just said, "Small, edible...."
Derek: Dan! We're not all Chinese!!

Derek: (on arriving at the table with a glass measuring cup full of water) What! There were no cups left!

Twyla: What is a group of bears called?
Derek: A picnic?

Questioner: What strikes the Empire State Building more than 50 times a year?
Derek: Terrorists? (Actual answer is lightning.)

Questioner: What sport includes the throwing of bombs?
Somebody: Jihad?

Questioner: What is Spain's biggest source of income?
Person A: Prostitution?
Person B: Stupid looking Hats?
Person C: Terrorism!
Twyla: Will you get off the terrorism thing already!!

70's Dance Party IVCF Quotes:

"It looks like a bunny...On steroids..." - Steve

"I feel like a fudge sundae." - Mike, referring to the cold window and super-hot air vent.

"You can't dance to Abba!!" - Random Person

Random IVCF Quote:

Jeremy: "But Nathan, you know True Love conquers all! Of course this is coming from a single guy... I might be biased."
Me: "I thought you said you were never sarcastic!"
Him: "I'm not!"

U of S IVCF Retreat (2005)

"You can call me Randolph. Randolph the White!" ~ Mike

(In a conversation about Monty Python)
David: "Ni means 'Never' in German."
Mike: "What does 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang' mean?"
David: "Uh... 'We are a bunch of idiots?'"
Chris: "But don't worry, it would come across in German, too."

"Are there no decent people left in the world? [...] The Chinese don't count!" ~ Mike

Mike C. (the speaker): "Camille, let's say you're a European hockey player."
Everyone else: "BOOOO!"

Mike C.: "So what are some characteristics of a prototypical Canadian hockey player?"
Steve: "No teeth!"

"Self-serve! We brought women along for a reason, didn't we?" ~ Mike

"If a spoon were in the forest, would there still be no spoon?" ~ Twyla

"I'm a Mennonite – food is important to me." ~ Mike

Ricki: "That's because you don't know anything."
Twyla: "That's the losing-est way to end an argument!"

"I have no respect left for that owl-beaver." Chris

"Is this a parallel universe where you have good cards?" ~ Jeremy

Dan: "The objective of the game—"
Someone else: "—is to put someone's eye out!"

"So if you can't impress a girl, you take her down a peg?" ~ Derek

"It's not like I'm stewing up and I'm going to kill your grandchildren..." ~ Derek

Ricki: "Can, can, can you do a catscan?"
Twyla: "Can can can you do what cats can?"

Camille: "I know somewhere deep, deep, DEEP down, you are gentlemen."
Matt: "Oooooh. Three deeps."
Derek: "We're getting to Grinch level... You know, 'three sizes too small?'"
Steve: "Maybe we're ogres. Ogres have layers."
Matt: "Maybe we're onions..."
Steve: "Onions have layers!"
Derek: (in Donkey voice) "Cakes! Cakes have layers!"

Camille to Matt: "I know more about your body than YOU do!" (Camille is a nursing student.)
Derek: "So that's what you were doing in the boys' dorms..."

Ricki – (seeing the most powerful card in Rook...) "Twyla has an 'R,' what does that mean?"

"I can't even swoon gracefully!" ~ Camille

"Camille, you're one in a million... But that means there's 6,300 of you. And that's scary." ~ David

"So I stopped by the side of the road and ran into an old friend—except it happened the other way around. And when I ran into him, I totaled his car..." ~ Steve (The Regina folks had an accident and totalled two cars in the caravan. Nobody was hurt beyond whiplash, thank God...)

"Can I sit on your lap? I feel like sitting on somebody's lap." ~ Laura

"Your pie just isn't good enough!" ~ Mike (We were playing couples games where the guys had to make an effort to keep their partner in a chair and someone accused Matt of not trying hard enough...)

"We need some tranquilizer darts." ~ Another guy in that couples game

Mike C.: "All I remember is figure skating – in a big van!"

Music Theory Class Quotes- Taught by A Funny Man: Neil Currie (2005)

Prof: "The world needs more Lerts. Be a Lert!"

Prof: "Do people understand what I just said, or was it just a series of euphonious sounds issuing into the atmosphere?"

Prof: "I was momentarily nonplussed..."

Prof: "I can hear intelligent murmurings... *silence* Oh, wait! That's the class next door!"

Prof: *imitating Mr. Burns* "I specifically said - NO GEEKS!"

Prof: "I't's like shooting ducks in a barrel!"
Half of Us: "Isn't that FISH in a barrel?"
Other Half: "Isn't that sitting ducks?"
Prof: "It's like shooting ducks in a barrel full of fish!"

Drama Class (2005)

Drama Prof: "Let's have some charklate. I mean, chocolate." *Entire class ROFL*

After the second last week of Tuesday/Thurday Drama Class (on Thursday)
April: So 2:30 tomorrow?
Me: Yeah, 2:30 on Friday.
April: Twyla?
Me: What?
April: We're meeting TOMORROW.
Me: Is today Thursday?
April: Yuh-huh.
Me: Oh. *headdoor* Ow.

2. Me at Band *flashback*

Me: Um... I need someone to play that... that....shape thingy.
Dean: You mean the triangle!?!
Me: Yes. *headmusicstand* Ow.

3. Me at Dairy Queen on Peanut Buster Parfaits for $1 Day

Me: I'll have---
Till Lady: A parfait, right?
Me: *totally caught off guard* Uh...No. I'll...um... I'll have *searches lists in vain* one of those Strawberry...day of the week....things.
Staff: *ROFL*
Me: Shut up, it's the last week of school okay! I mean, almost the last week. ~*$#%. *headcounter* That doesn't even hurt anymore.

Later after IVCF:
Dan: Let's go to DQ!
Me: NO! Not if the same staff are on as when I went before.
Everyone: ?!?
Me: *sigh* (Insert entire above series of unforunate events here.)

A Student in last week of school: "This time of year, people are walking zarmbies. I mean..."

Orientation

Katrina: *on telling the kids at Orientation about the BowlCam* "Now kids, remember not to biff it in this part of the bowl, because it will be caught on tape FOREVER."
Me: "Moving on, we have the Geo building..."