diagnosis: wanderlust
this weekend has been very strange. insane, in some small doses. starting with joe, and continuing on to work, parents, more partying, possibly pissing people off, pickling carrots and generally thinking of myself differently than i once did.
tonight wasn't so great. i only picked up $30. well, really, $33, but i gave a bunch to sefo, 'cause i owe(d) him a bit of gas money. he's a really sweet guy. his boyfriend must be so happy. they look happy together. it's hard to picture them physically as a couple (sefo looks so frail, robert is much more...robust?), but, you know what? i'm happy. happy for them.
i've given joe a call. i doubt he'll call back. not due to my pessimism (which seems to be waning as of late), but due to the fact that he warned me that he's really bad at returning phone calls. nothing personal, just that people are always hucking him for it.
dad said a joke last night that was, upon later introspection, a pretty hurtful thing. just...in bad taste. not my mind overworked. no. it was pretty bad. annie was mortified when she heard it. i was like "ah, it's okay". though, to be perfectly honest, i wish he could just say it. i wish he could just say that he wishes that i were straight. i don't know what it is about my old man. he's fine with fags, so long as they're someone else's kids or friends or whatever.
it's almost 5 am. i can hear the linear-induction motors humming in the distance. though i have (much) more on my mind, it's time for bed.
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well, sleep did well. i went to lunch with dad. he started hucking me over school. like, that one day he wants to see me go through grad school in urban planning. yes, i'd like that. reality is, though, that i could never survive grad school. never. it would kill me.
the joe thing is out of the water. i should never have even thought about it. it could only end in disaster. shite. well...maybe not. it would be nice if we could work out some kind of arrangement. you know...like, we'll just have fun, but not do anything too serious. we'll be free to leave the...partnership...at any time. does he even care? i remember...i remember. i was punching his name into my phone.
"okay..."
"it's 604..."
"no, no. i'm going to go to the washroom and leave my phone here. i'm not gonna pressure you. if you want to give me your number, the phone is here for you to punch it into."
i left the house with ten digits in my pocket. what does it mean? what the fuck does it mean? meh. i'll call him again. well, i would, if i knew what to say. i need some confidence. some nerve. actually...no. i need a shower and a meal. i feel dirty and hung over (even though i didn't drink more than a beer last night; perhaps it's the lack of sleep). yeah. that'd be nice. maybe it will hold illness at bay. it'd better.
i got invited to join jewst[e]r. yes. a jewish friendster. entertaining, i suppose. what's next? gayster and dykester? well, i can tell you that gayster is on the way. dykester doesn't get too much love on google, at least not in the "download your friends" kind of way. what else could there be? i wonder if internet kids in the fourteen-to-eighteen bracket realize where the word "friendster" comes from. ah, nobody has respect for history. it's boring, boring. i don't wanna learn about that. well, kiddo, maybe, just maybe, it sucks to be you.
work is strange. i wish that charles would order more of what we actually serve most of. like, do you have any idea how to tell a bartender at a gay club that you've run out of smirnoff ice?
"i need some smirnoff ice right away!"
"we're out."
"are you sure?"
"trust me, everyone else has asked me for it. there's none. i'll bring you some mike's"
who knew that bottles of canadian and kokanee would sell so well at a gay bar? meh. corona and stella, i can totally see. beck's doesn't sell too well. surprisingly, neither does heineken. oh, and budweiser. wtf? we actually drink that crap here in canada? same with coors light. even worse american piss-water, if that's possible. mgd? well, let's just say that it's never miller time. ever. even if there's nothing else around. i'm also surprised that nobody besides me has bothered to read the labels on the red bull bottles. it says, in large, red letters, to not mix it with alcohol. umm...oops! oh, well. i guess if people are willing to suck back that hideously gross (and pricey, since red bull retails for nearly $3 to the bottle; i wonder how much we sell it for) austrian concoction, they deserve whatever fizzy effects it provides. namely, nothing, i suspect. in addition, the sale of it is banned in canada, so why do we stock it?
to be honest, i'd likely push it if i were running the show. i mean, give the people what they want. they know what they're getting into. at least, they should know. somehow, i feel that this is too much to ask. typical.
all things considered, though, work is good. heavy, but not hard. tips are pretty good, and getting better all the time, in fact. pride's gonna be amazing. gonna work it, shirtless, perhaps. make so much money. oh, baby.
well, except for one thing. i was working monday. wes showed up with his friend justin. i remember taking a single look at him and thinking "oh...i'm in love." i talked with them for five or six minutes in the smoke room, then i had to run. however, the convo which had started being primarily with wes had switched over to being primarily with justin. wes looked bored. flipped open his cellphone, mumbled a few words into it and vanished. i've got a feeling that he's pissed off at me. flirting with his date. or his potential boyfriend. could it have been that...wes was jealous, not at me, but of me? i dunno.
simon also showed up at the bar. i offered him a drink, but his boss jumped in before i could pay for it. i kept repeating a line in my head afterwards...something along the lines of me telling him that i was simply being friendly and reciprocal. something to say that i wasn't interested in getting into his pants. which is a lie.
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and now, for no reason in particular, i present to you the parti citron du canada. ever since the rhinocerous party disbanded in protest of an elections canada policy, canadian politics just haven't been the same.