What I Learned from Titanic

by Michael Hoff

1) James Cameron can make whatever movie he wants.

Who else but Cameron could shepherd a $200 million project to overwhelming victory on all fronts? He was right about Titanic all along - funny how vindicating 11 Oscars can be. Cameron has definitely solidified his position on top of the A-list heap with this one. Only George Lucas (okay, and Spielberg when he's not pandering to childish whims) could conquer the world cinematically - and he'll get his chance next year.

2) If $200 spend = $1 billion in profit, $400 million = $2 billion

No-one would be foolish enough to drop $200 million on any director but Cameron and Spielberg, right? Wrong. At one time, 50 million dollars was considered too much to spend on one film, then 100, now 200. Hey, if Kevin Costner gets $80 million to play with (The Postman), Kevin Reynolds $120 (Waterworld), and Paul Verhoven $150 million (Starship Troopers), what's to stop some idiot like Michael Bay from dropping over $250 million to make the next action/adventure/over-edited/music feature?

Everyone thinks that $200 million is the ceiling on cinematic investment; but since that particular investment is returning maybe 5X profit, its difficult for studio heads to ignore. In their collective P&L brains, movie moguls will convince themselves their new product will be better than Titanic - "sure, its costing us $250 million, but it's got bankable stars, it's only 90 minutes long, there's more gunplay, ..."

3) Billy Zane will be employed for the next 3 years

Kate Winslett and Leonardo Dicaprio are as likely to become superstars as were Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher (although Dicaprio had, and has, a career outside of Titanic). It's the smaller players (like Harrison Ford, to stretch a point) that always stand to gain the most, and Zane, a capable actor, can leverage his now famous nasty-boy role to keep the scripts crossing his agent's desk.

4) Someday, people will vomit upon hearing the word "Titanic"

A public, "no-one owns the rights" story like Titanic's will undoubtedly be remade in several forms, elevating the event from historic footnote to Hollywood profit center. Although it will be hard to address the story anew without the 600 pound gorilla of the Titanic looming overhead, clever screenwriters and greedy studios will find a way. Just look at how golden those tired A&E documentaries have become. "Titanic" may become associated with "over-hyped" like "Michael Ovitz" is with "fleecing Disney."

5) American movie tastes rule the planet

Sure, we imported The Full Monty and Babe, but Southern California is still birthplace to the biggest movies in the world. Without all the elements that are "supposed" to work for a movie overseas (lotsa guns, car chases, explosions, a former Austrian bodybuilder) Titanic still cleaned house internationally. With Godzilla and Star Wars IV on the horizon, that may not change for awhile yet. (What does the rest of the world have to offer: The Frighteners? The Sweet Hereafter? Jane Austin's Grocery List? Except for maybe Spice World, these are hardly the foundation for world domination).

6) Hollywood won't have learned anything

Some lucky wizard will spend $300 million, profit $1 trillion, win 17 Academy Awards, rewrite the record books and start the whole process over again. And, as sure as Burger King merchandising tie-ins, some wizened old critic will herald this new bill as, absolutely, the ceiling to which Hollywood accountants are willing to go ...

Originally written: April 21/98