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So this is to be the news page... Come here for late breaking news items of interest to Pheengurs...
June 2/2004 -- I'm moving to Calgary! Just got some dole moola, and am now able to plan some things out. Jason will be moving to Calgary on the week of July 15th, so I've presented him and Jarrad with an idea to save us all a load of cash, by trying to get me and Jason moved all at once... At the moment, I do not know what Cara's plans are, so I don't know if we'll be moving all of Jason and Cara's stuff or what.. makes no difference to me, as there will be tons of room in my uhaul for their stuff... Jason has mid-terms this week, and should be able to answer back soon...
June 21/2004 -- Well, Summer Solstice weekend is over. This is the first year I've missed the gathering at Casey Sr.'s farm since I moved out to Vancouver. (Though one could say I missed most of last year's gathering because I passed out! ;-) Hope the Regina Crew had a great time, and I will make it next year...
June 25/2004 -- Well, all planning stages are complete. Uhaul and trailer to be picked up on July 14th, and Jarrad, Jason and I leave on the 16th. It sucks that I'm leaving behind so many friends here in Vancouver, but it also sucks to be so far away from my family, which is why I chose to move... I've made some updates to the web page, though come July 14th, the web page will be down, until I can find another host. I hope to get some organization setup in my pics area, and share some of the great times and photos I have from my time here in BC. I'll most likely update a few odds and ends before the page is taken down, but nothing major will get done. Getting Becky ready for the trip to Whistler, Calgary, Saskatoon, Regina, Estevan, back to Vancouver then back to Calgary is taking up alot of time, and money, and I still have to finish packing, clean my apartment from top to bottom!!! Ah well, ya can't say I'm just slacking off!
June 26/2004 -- So I had some extra time today, and I updated the site a bit more. I got rid of the latin links from the template I used, and simply put extra links to what's already there. I also added the Jalene link to see the specs on my new PC. In the gallery, I had to resize all the images to make them smaller, and also remove some of the chick pics because on the wonderfully fast but bloody stingy SHAW network, I don't have much space to host pictures. (The thumbnail images are still there, but the full sized pics are not) I also fixed the background images in Photoshop 7.0 to give them some transparancy and also changed the text color to allow better readability, depending on the page...
Hopefully once in Calgary, I can get a more permanent and annonymous host (ie a URL that doesn't have my real name in it!!!) I recall dad saying he's got a domain so we'll have to try setting up our own web server.. Then I'll really get the pics page going with pics of the family, and my friends and anything else...
June 26/2004 -- After some feedback from my illustrious guinea pigs --err uh, I mean beta testers ;-) I have done more updates to the pics pages, and also changed a bunch of other things...including adding the java script for the date/time cursor(thanks Brian for sending that email out waaay back when, and thanks to whoever created that script!)
June 28/2004 -- VOTE!!! That's the plan today, and to take the car in to get the front struts done. I really wish I had a garage!!! I wouldn't have to spend $150 bucks in labour cost!!! Anyway, I hope it's not a Conservative minority/majority. The last thing I want is that Harper the Harpee in power, sending our troops to war, taking away the right to choose, putting religion back into grade school, selling out Canadian sovereignty to the US, etc, etc, etc... I'd like to say I have faith in the Canadian people to see the forest for the trees, but according to everyone's polls... Anyway, GO GREEN! GO NDP! GO ANYONE BUT the LIBERAL/CONSERVATIVE/BLOC!!!
July 1/2004 -- Happy Canada Day! So the anti-Conservatie party scare ads seemed to work for the Liberals, as they have managed to squeeze out a minority gov't. Last I heard, they were going to side with the NDP, who managed to eeek out 21 seats... It was pretty funny, during the election coverage, how they kept making fun of the poll predictions, and how COMPLETELY OFF TARGET those predictions were...however they didn't go far enough to say that such predictions will influence the outcome of an election, and can also have the effect of alienating voters, if it seems like their 'vote won't count'. And I have to say I was rather disappointed by the way Canadians voted in rural western Canadian ridings... Disappointed, because that is where a good portion of the Conservative seats came from. Yet, the conservative party wants to kill the Wheat Pool, which is the only thing protecting the farmers from the goddamned global economy. These farmers seem to think they can get better bushell prices themselves? Not fucking likely! The power of the Pool, is the ability to sell HUGE quantities at a time to the world. And Joe Farmer thinks he can sell HIS wheat to Russia directly? What a joke! Anyway, at least it wasn't a Conservative majority... but the closeness of the election was disturbing, and chances are the minority government will not last long... Also, the Bloc in Quebec is very popular, and they've already stated that when their next provincial election comes up, they expect to have a Bloc premier, and once that happens, they'll try to separate again... Bunch of bloody arrogant asshole Bloc jerks! Fuck sakes. I agreed with many of the things their candidate was saying, and how he loved grilling Paul Martin, but separate? Bla Bla Bla!
In other matters, I've had front bearings, and struts replaced on Becky the Scirocco. Shifter linkage bushings, and assorted linkage parts are to be fixed at Hot Water Performance, July 5. Over the weekend I plan to wash the car & underbody, check the brakes, and swap in the new tranny fluid. I'd like to get her undercoated before I leave BC or by the end of September, as she's been a Victoria/Vancouver car her whole life. Snow is a foreign object to her.
July 4/2004 -- I checked the brakes, fuel pump assembly, replaced the hatch license plate bulbs, and replaced the existing tranny fluid with Redline MT-90 GL-4 manual tranny fluid. The coolant leek turned out to be a few loose hose clamps that I failed to tighten properly when I replaced the rad, so that's a good thing. The bad thing, is after the front struts, and bearings were replaced, I still have that howl coming from the front end. I have no idea what it could be. Possibly CV joints, maybe the tires need rebalancing... I just don't know.. I'm going to ask the guys at hotwaterperformance, when I take it in for the shift linkage bushings tomorrow morning...
Anyway, after I finished today's repairs, I decided to take a drive up to Horseshoe Bay to see the inlet and mountains, while eating my celebratory BK dinner. I found a parking spot about 40 feet from where I ate, and was constantly surrounded by no less than 5 pidgeons at a time. ;-) The car handles great with the new fluid, and struts... The shifting will improve greatly with the weighted shifter and new bushings, but that damned howl is driving me nuts. I guess we'll have to see what the Vdub experts have to say...
July 11/2004 -- Well la di da... Gur's stag was a success. For some reason WMP won't play cds... arg.. My fingers are bleeding (see music page). It's 7am, and I'm still loaded... Whaddyagonnado? Play more tunes! Fuck the neighbours cause I'm moving out!
Who is evil? Who is blind?
Who hears your voice?
Millions.
Never Never again!
Madness.
Never Never again!
The things your trust are not the same. Trust in death, trust in greed. Trust in Hope is trust in pain. City of souls dying for peace,
One mind. One voice. Who hears your voice?
Welcome to the belly of the beast...
<excuse my drunken spelling!>
July 23/2004 -- YeeHaw! We made it to Calgary. No major issues to report. Both vehicles made it there without incident. We didn't have enough room in the 17 foot uhaiul for all of Jay&Cara's stuff, nor my stuff in Abottsford. So we'll have to make another trip sometime soon... Disappointing to say the least, but what can you do when yer inlaws are packrats? ;-) In all fairness I have a decent amount of crap, but MUCH less than those two! Anyway we're here, and that's that!
November 18/2004 -- Well, like I mentioned in the index page, I haven't had my own internet connection since I moved here. I have my own place now as well. I live in South Calgary. The map technically calls it southwest, but in reality it's south. When I travel northwesterly from my place to my dad's place I get to see the entire mountain range on the western horizon for as far as the eyes can see! Well, on a good day, with little cloud cover. My place is run by the same company as ran the place in Vancouver. My new apartment has the same fridge as the old. I've got a ne wish stove, and a smaller living room, but a bigger bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and a HUGE balcony, all on the 3rd floor. I've got above and underground parking stalls. There are plenty of black chipmunks and magpies running around my balcony to feed instead of the rats and street bums going by my place in Vancouver ;-)
I MISS YOU VANCOUVER FOLKS and Kamloops Dan & Nikkia, and BC itself !!!
I suppose you could say I have settled in. Jarrad did a really great job of telling everyone he knows about myself and Jason and Cara. Everyone at his work (Isys - they make modified and original high speed plotter style printers...no website yet!) and at the Bomp-Bomp crew knew me as 'Brother Mike', and Jason likewise. I dunno how Jarrad did it. I guess the stories Jarrad told were enough to make us memorable ;-) Anyway, the Calgary welcoming comittee we had was nothing short of a miracle, because what I had to leave in Vancouver was more than anyone will ever know. Vancouver is where I've wanted to live since I was about 13, and even more so since the rollovers. Leaving a place where you actually want to be is hard. I haven't had to do that since I was a child. So long story short, I really miss Vancouver, and my friends back there but I feel welcomed to this city and it's people, and also it's land.
I've been fishing several times since moving here, I've camped out with the Bomp crew twice, and Jarrad and I are planning to do some winter hiking next Tuesday (his birthday) I rode my first dirtbike, and crashed my first dirtbike. I did all kinds of things on Jarrad and Yvette's dirtbikes. I got my first ride on a quad, and convinced my driver, Laurel, to get as muddy as possible. I've stood around a campfire blaze that burned as high as 12 feet in the air. I've stalled Jarrad's dirtbike in the river at Indian Graves, and melted my boots by the fire trying to dry them out. I've seen Yvette's swamped socks covered in muskeg burn blue in that same campfire, and also got to watch several of the bomp girls campfire cooking (each with their own methods)...
This whole time in Calgary seems like one big party, but at the same time it's been depressing as hell. (Ya, I know, I'm sounding like a manic-depressive, eh?) I have been experiencing the same problems I had when I moved to Vancouver. It took me 8 months to find work in Vancouver. As of this day, I am still unemployed, despite the best efforts of my friend Chris in Vancouver ;-), as well as others here in Calgary. I wish I understood what the problem is, but it's got nothing to do with certifications, here in Calgary. All the job postings I've seen ask for actual experience, not paper. Which made me very excited at getting a deadly job out here, but so far it has not panned out. Not a single PFO, or interview, in ALL THE FUCKING places I've applied at! My sister's ex-husband Glen lives here, and despite all the B.S. between them, I am still his friend...He is trying to work some magic at Innicor ... Oil is where the money is in this town. You hear all kinds of stories about the crazy bonus packages people get during a good oil year, and seeing as the anti-christ Bush, bought all those retired, scared shitless, hurricane blown idiots in Florida and got into power again, OIL seems to be the best growth industry here. And if oil grows here, everything else grows here. Anyway, things may be looking up in a temporary way. I got a call from Eagle Proffesional Resources and am apparently 'perfect' for a low paying and mindless 1st level support job, resetting passwords for the yokels who work for the Bank of America... It is not pretty, it is not what I want, but it pays better than nothing, which is what I've got right now.
On a slightly happier note, and one the LDB folks will appreciate, I'll be attending a wine/spirits/beer tasting this Friday. I never got to go to one while I was working at the LDB for various work related reasons. But at least this time I am able to go, and certainly go in style, with the Isys beauties, Laurel and Yvette, as well as the lovely and talented 'Magic Hands' Lori, and I believe brother Jarrad will be coming also. It should be a good time. I hope to take some pictures of the event.
And as a final note to this little news bulletin, I will be uploading pics shortly. Hopefully this weekend. I found a total of 9 photo CD's when I unpacked, and I also plan to take some webcam shots of my place too and put them up... And I think I'm going to try and steal from Snapshot's site as I really like the way he's got his pics pages organized. Right now, I've just got one big thumbnail page, which is going to be too confusing for me after I upload the number of pics that I want... I will also have to limit the size and quality of the pics as I don't have my own web host yet...Once I get working I'm going to buy my own domain name, and find someone to host it .. until them the pics will be OK, no where near as good as Snapshot. Also, don't forget to check the Bomp-Bomp pics and vid page as I'm in one or two of the pics and videos from the 2004 Indian Graves and Waiprous summer/autumn...
November 18/2004 -- NEWS FLASH !!! !!! !!! -- Just got a call from Brianne @ Eagle, and I have an interview on Monday, and she's pretty confident at placing me on the BOA contract working with brother Jason... crappy hourly wage but it's something and it gets me off EI...
November 19/2004 -- Got another call from Brianne. Looks like EDS wants an interview, and as long as I don't blow it, I'll be working with Jason very soon. I have completed renaming and transferring files from my photoCD's to harddisk. Now I have to save them for the web and make them smaller and of lower quality so Shaw doesn't shut my page down for bandwidth usage. I've got 151 pics to upload. I have pics from the 2002 Whitefish snowboarding trip with Jarrad, Lori, the Isys & Bomp group, various LDB people and places, hiking, and gig pics, a ton of pics from Saskatoon, including the fishing pics and the wonderdog Monty, as well as some 2003-2004 Calgary experiences pictures. The plan is to have all these pics resized and uploaded by Saturday, as I'll be over at Yvette & Jarrad's place Sunday so we can go hiking Monday morning...
Well, I've gotta make my best effort at lookin good for the Isys ladies at the wine festival tonight. Ciao!
January 2/2005 -- Well, I have finally figured out how to get Photoshop to automate the resizing and placement of images, the way I like it. So as a result, I've updated the pics page which should please a few people ;-) I ripped a couple of pics from Snapshot's page, mostly pics of myself...
Myself, Lori, Jason, Jarrad &Yvette, Danni, Steph, Laurel, Conrad & Daniel and Josh, were all able to make it out to Nakiska for some skiing and snowboarding a couple of weeks ago. The weather had been co-operating for a drive out to the mountains, so we went skiing. It was nice out, but Nakiska hasn't had much luck with the white powedery stuff lately, and as such, the quality of the snow was fun, but man-made. I think I pleasantly shocked the hell out of the old Ski Patrol guy selling Nakiska pendants...as I bought around 8 of them, and gave them to almost everyone (Jason picked up my slack head counting error)... The pins were for the ski patrol fund...
Jarrad and Conrad and I have been out hiking a couple of times. Jarrad and I went to Grotto Canyon, of which I took some pics. And Jarrad, Conrad and I hiked to the first plateau of the base of Mt. Yamnuska, I forgot my camera, so no pics... It was good to get out into nature...being cooped up all winter puts me into that not-so-famed, winter depression thing...
Christmas was good. Got some good loot, and was able to spend tiime with Dad, Cheryl, Jason & Cara, Jarrad &Yvette & Hanna. We drank and ate, were merry and in our pyjamas for 2 days. Good times we'll remember for sure. Too bad we couldn't get the family together more often. But Serena is hell bent that Estevan is the place for her (which is fine for her), but it means I don't get to see my mom very often. AND now that I'm turning 29 for the 2nd time (in Feb), I'm starting to realize how much time is slipping away...not just for me, but in chances to enjoy the company of family, friends, and the serious lack of a love in my life. I am constantly reminded (by the presence of Jarrad's child), that the prospects of me having my own kids is dwindling away...and really the thing that has been making me want to have a kid is the idea that -I- would be able to keep a relationship together to last the test of time, and in such a relationship, kids would be a natural outcome...not to mention that I'd be an awesome dad... But ya gotta get laid to have kids right??? ;-)
New years was rung in with Dad and Cheryl and Hanna... I was unable to head to Weyburn for Uncle Donald's wedding, nor visit with Mom and Sis and her kids, or get up to Toon Town to visit Scott, Mike & Bobbi, and Shane & Marthe, due to the bloody winter storm that decided to crap rain, freezing rain, sleet, and snow across any highway in or out of Saskatchewan... It really sucks not having a 4x4!!! The brothers, Bomp Crew and assorted beautiful women were of course on a ski trip to Kimberly, that I could not attend, as I was SUPPOSED to be in Saskatchewan... Isn't life grand?
Work at EDS via Eagle, is the same. Crappy wage for a crappy call centre job, but the ppl there are ok. Mostly young punks in their first support gigs...eager to please, to make their call stats, etc... Ah well, it's a job, and at least my eyes are open to it, instead of having that blind hope for something that this job is not, which is a future. Or at least a future where I'll make more than 40K a year. ;-) So I'm still looking to break my way (read sell my soul) into the oil industry, where, (at least for the time being), the money is....
Ohya, and I quit smoking, and then started up again.. Never quit quitting, I guess....
Hope you all had a wonderful, fun filled Christmas and New Year's. So I say goodbye to 2004 ended like it began, good riddance...
Thoughts and rituals and prayers, etc, go out to all those affected by the damned tsunami that hit Asia....
February 6/2005 -- well, as you may have noticed from the opening page, I'm not in the greatest of moods. I know generally why. The general melancholy I've been feeling for the last few months is a direct result of several things... winter depression, my incumbent birthday and a piercing, parasitic lonliness. All 3 things I've battled in vain since I was old enough to comprehend emotion.
Rather depressing isn't it?
The problem with logic, is it does not allow room for faith. Or rather it doesn't take much to topple the merest foundation of faith. For a logical mind, such as mine, it requires proof, that the effort of faith, has rewards. I've often wished I was as oblivious as the average human. And by that I mean I would like to reclaim the power that blind faith gives you. Though I haven't felt that was possible for many years. That was cruelly ripped from me 10 years ago or so...
One thing I'd like to make clear... I'm not 'broken'. I'm not damaged goods. I'm an extremely intelligent man, mired in doubt. Not fear, or cowaridice. I am not afraid of change or emotional vulnerability, of commitment or casuality. But I, like everyone else, require love to sustain me. My cup runneth empty. I am ready, I am prepared, for everything but this. I am unable to write, for there are no words. I am unable to play, because nobody really wants to hear, what my soul has to say. Or truly understand what I'm trying to convey. Those that care, cannot help, because what I need they cannot give. Perpetuation of my cycle. My rut. My personal hell is what I live and feel, in this particular moment....
There was a line in a movie that many of you may recognise: 'don't take away my pain, I need my pain' This statement, does not apply to me. My sole purpose for the last 10 years has been to find something, anything, to get rid of the pain... Anything that will keep me from feeling what I feel right now. That feeling of soul searing, blackness, spiraling down to a place I never want to find again.
Anyway, I'm falling asleep while typing, so I think I'll go pass out for now. Tomorrow is another day, and I'm sure I won't feel so bad then...
February 7/2005 -- OK, so I admit it. I probably freaked a few people out by my last update. I will also admit I'd had a few drinks and was feeling good and sorry for myself all night. It was one of those day's y'know? The bleakness I felt is not uncommon, but by no means any kind of sign of things to come... I've battled such demons my whole life, and am not about to do anything but go on living life as I see fit.
I really need to get myself a house. Then I can rattle the rafters and cleanse my soul. And maybe record some of it in the process... Have you ever heard a guitar cry? Well I can do that, but not quietly...
Anyway, this is not an apology. Those feelings above are very real, but amplified, honed and eventually harnessed. I call upon nights like that when I songwrite.
P.S. If you have never seen Vanilla Sky, do so. There are many moments in that film that pluck all manner of emotional strings in me, but the funniest part of the movie is when he cries out, "TECH SUPPORT!!!!" Wouldn't that be great? Where do I fucking sign up for that!
February 11/2005 -- Well yelling for tech support hasn't helped any, so I guess I'll drink my 10 year old bottle of wine, and go from there .. Anyway, just figured I'd put in a birthday update. I'm late for my own birthday dinner, in fact.. SO I guess I'll get going ..
March 12/2005 -- Alright, this page is getting too long. So see page 2 for further updates...