In the small town in which I grew up I had a classmate whose mother and two brothers lived in the deepest poverty. Nesbit, the eldest of these boys overcame all the chaos of their lives to become a creative writer, pastor, social activist and generally a voice of hope. His brothers, Warner and John, on the other hand, descended into alcoholism and died in mid life.

I met Nesbit recently at John's funeral. He and I went for coffee after the service. We talked of the old days. Eventually he spoke of Warner and John.

Emboldened by this, I asked if he ever wondered how it was that his life and theirs turned out so differently. How did it happen that his life became grounded in hope, while theirs seemed to drown in despair?

He welcomed this interest, and replied, "I can't speak for Warner or John, but I do know what enabled me. It seems to me that I was given two gifts or graces. The first of these was love and affirmation; the second was a sense of the Holy.

"The first came initially from my mother. She saw my birth as something of a miracle. Her body was twisted, crippled and left extremely thin by adolescent spinal meningitis. No one expected her to have a lover or children, so her delivery of a beautiful healthy child was a contradiction of that, which filled her with wonder. I was the apple of her eye.

"By the time she was 21, and I was four, three more children had been born to my parents, adding to the burden of their 1930s poverty (Brian, the last, lived just a few months). Mom sought to receive each one with deep affection, but was overwhelmed by motherhood under those conditions. When my father abandoned us, she showed amazing courage and strength.

"I know that the early affirmation I received from her carried me through many experiences of defamation in school and playground. It also led me to seek out other adults, such as the United Church minister and the social worker who would also affirm me. This was the first grace that set me on a hopeful path."

"I think I see the effects of this in your life," I said.

"Yes, I became convinced that we all must plant hope through support for children and their families, beginning with those close to us, and including the children of the world."

"You have been supportive of the UN's universal children's rights, and its opposition to the use of children as soldiers."

"Yes, It is very significant that Jesus gave special attention to children."

"You said you received one other grace?"

"Yes, a deep sense of the Holy. Do you remember, Rev. Bill Jacks? He always treated me as a real person. We were not a church family, but he knew who I was, and when I met him on the street he would stop to talk with me. I was deeply moved by this, and led by it to believe that this was the nature of Holiness."

"This led you eventually into the church?"

"Yes. I became convinced that the church could bring hope to families and to the world, by reminding us that all persons and the Earth itself are sacred, and to be treated with respect.

"Some of my fondest memories are of our little family being able to laugh and love in the midst of the chaos. God was with us. Just last week I received a letter from John that was full of good humour. I could see the Spirit giving him hope him In the midst of his struggles. This is a third grace; to be shown the Spirit present in those who seem most overwhelmed by chaos, and to humbly acknowledge their neighbourly gifts."

This visit left me thinking,

-Bob Kayes

The spiral of violence and death in which the world seems caught arises out of an imaginative construction (faith) that began in the 16th C. Its hazards now seem evident. Machiavelli, Hobbes, Clausewitz were its prophets, and all its assumptions and habits still govern us. In the next issue of Eyeopener we will challenge this death-driven faith with a different one.

The spiral of violence and death in which the world seems caught arises out of an imaginative construction (faith) that began in the 16th C. Its hazards now seem evident. Machiavelli, Hobbes, Clausewitz were its prophets, and all its assumptions and habits still govern us. In the next issue of Eyeopener we will challenge this death-driven faith with a different one.