Story 1). I got a call one day on my cell phone while I was on a job (my work is mobile). It was my wife telling me she had a charming gentleman from the city with her at home inquiring as to whether we had a home business or not. She put him on and I told him yes and gave him the details, cited my business license number and described the nature of my business. The only business I do at home is my home office. So having dispensed with the details of his concern, I asked him what prompted his visit. He could only say that he had had a complaint and was following up. I assured him that if I was pushing the keys on my computer too loud when I did my paper work, I would attempt to push them louder and harder. Of course he chuckled. I added that he could send my love to Kookooboy and that he could really do better, but nice shot. We know your out there, asshole.
Story 2). This doesn't involve me, but is along the same lines. My neighbor, Swear Boy (See 'How 'Koo-Koo Boy' was coined), drives professionally. He came home on his lunch break one day to drive his daughter to school. Koo-Koo Boy saw this and phoned the company he drives for and reported he was using the company vehicle on company time for personal things. 'How to Make Friends and Influence People' or what?
Story 3). I parked my car on the street in front of my driveway one day as it was the only spot available. Something was going on across the street so the parking was plugged up. Later that day, I went to go somewhere and had a ticket on my windshield. $40.00 with no early payment break. When I phoned them about it, they said they had had a complaint. "Oh, really? My car, My driveway? Who would complain..... never mind, I know who."
Story 4). Koo-Koo Boy just about got killed over this one. New people had bought the house a few doors down. Of course they had a housewarming party. I guess a good time was had by all and that was fine. BUT, one of his guests had the nerve to park behind Kookooboys 'Auxiliary Driveway'. This was certainly unacceptable! So numb nuts goes over to this guys new house about midnight, when everyone was well lubricated and proceeded to inform them about the community parking rules. Nobody died, so we can laugh about it now. Did I use the word 'Audacity' yet? Or perhaps 'Stupidity' is the word I want. Anyways, the car stayed put.
Story 5). The paint on Kookooboys house and fence is peeling off quite badly. One day, I saw him out by his front fence with a small (2 oz.) bottle of brown paint and one of those little brushes you use to paint model cars with. He was painting in between the paint cracks. I couldn't believe it at first, so after he finished, I went over to get a closer look. A lot of the cracks, and only the cracks, had been painted in.
Story 6). There has always been a real problem with mother nature infringing on KooKooboys personal freedoms - i.e. it snows in the winter here and the wind blows. So to combat the effects of this, he strategically placed an old beat up piece of plywood (like the one that has been sitting in the back of your half-ton for the last ten years) against the picket fence mentioned earlier. This, of course, had no affect on mother nature and looks like shit. It does cause the snow to build up in his yard. It also bangs against the fence as it was built in the fine JD9 tradition - sloppy and held up with a couple pipes jammed into the ground. So, after listening to this mess bang for a couple nights, I wedged a stick against it so it would stop banging. The stick ended up in my back yard, so I wedged another. Same thing, And another, another, and on and on. At one point, I just set a stack of sticks on the picnic table and replaced it every time the wind came up (or I walked by). He stopped pitching them and must have started saving them. I can imagine the trespassing court case and all the sticks offered as evidence. Finally, he could stand the interference no more. He confronted me with the problem. Since the board just had to be there, of course, all he could see as a fix was to drive a nail into the fence. I politely said no. Very politely. Well, maybe not all that polite. But no nails. The picture below, of the necessary board, includes the dangerous barbecue mentioned earlier. You can plainly see the danger I was subjecting my family, and the whole neighborhood to, as the odd rib steak would seer. I feel bad about this.
Driving? Yes, Kookooboy drives. He has many vehicles. A Dodge truck with a wood box cap, a couple old vehicles in his back yard that he has been 'restoring' since I met him. His progress with them, since I've known him, has been zero. But the most striking contrast is his Harley motorcycle and his van. The Harley is an amazing aberration. How can he own such a thing?! And it's not a rat bike! It's a fine looking machine. No, I'm not jealous (Duh, yes I am!).
His van is a different story. This is about a 1975 P.O.S. I'm not sure how to spell the noise it makes as he drives by, but I'll try - ... puht.... puhT... puHT.. pUHT... PUHT... PUHT ... PUHT... PUHT... PUHT... PUHt... PUht...Puht... Phut ... puht .. puht ...puht. ..puht... puht... puht............ roll your lips when you say this. It's like listening to a diesel/electric locomotive go by at 6 miles an hour - you can almost count the engine revolutions, or in his case, the engine misfires. Judging from the condition of this vehicle and his driving habits, I must assume this is approximately the top speed for this unit. It had a prominent place in the 'Auxiliary Driveway' for a long time. It sports a few cardboard windows and body work by 'Duct Tape'. I'm not jealous of this.
He had a cute procedure for a while, to make sure no one knew if he was home or not. He'd take his truck out, park it, then put the POS van (or truck, depending which he was taking) back in the driveway (his real driveway), then went about his business. He also used the same plates for both vehicles for a while. It occurred to him that the neighborhood held him to the same rules he had created for everyone else - i.e. follow ALL rules. He doesn't swap plates anymore, as far as I've noticed.
May 13, 2005: Friday afternoon I was taking some garbage out and guess who came creeping up the ally? So, I said hello. After throwing a few childish insults at me, he informed me that I was going to be 'Prosecuted' very soon, so I had better watch it!! My first reaction was laughter. Then, I must admit, the complete stupidity of this idle threat left me a bit speechless. All I could think to say was 'Even frivolous law suits are not free and you have no money.' Not very clever, but geeze, I was holding back a lot of laughter (...and not very well). I'm sure he doesn't think of it as an idle threat, but we'll see what comes of it.
November 4, 2005..... nothing on the 'Prosecution'......How long do these things take!?
October 21, 2005: We had some water problems the last few days but they got it all fixed up just fine. Today, they repaved over the hole and all is in order. However, something about the way they put up the 'Road Closed' barricades was not to Kookooboys liking. He took it upon himself to re-locate them. So for those of you that do not appreciate tar on your car, you can thank Kookooboy. We watched him do this. Maybe him and Cartman have 'Authoritay' that shouldn't be questioned.
I rather think the City works departments can make their own decisions. I hope Kookooboy doesn't take a disliking to 'STOP' signs.
JD9's Fine Yard The Auxiliary Driveway The Transit System
My Dangerous Barbecue My Faulty Parking New Fence New Trees
The Garbage Can Incident How 'Koo-Koo Boy' was Coined The Seniors Complex
Previous Owners Miscellaneous Stories about Koo-Koo Boy
Updates & New Adventures The Manhole Opinions?