***

Dawn stopped short as she walked into the kitchen. "Buffy? I didn't hear you come in."

Her sister was sitting at the counter, a half-drunk mug of tea in front of her. "What are you doing awake, Dawnie?" she said, looking up. "It's a school night."

Dawn shook her head. "PD day tomorrow. I was just getting a bedtime snack." Buffy's coat hung discarded half off the stool beside her, and Dawn picked it up and brushed it off before hanging it on the hook by the door. "Everything okay?" she asked, turning back to Buffy, who was absorbed in contemplation of her mug.

Buffy turned her head and shook herself. "Oh - yes, fine. I'm a little tired. I'm just relaxing a bit before I turn in."

"You'd better go to bed soon, Buff, you have to get up in" - Dawn looked at the clock - "seven hours for work."

"I asked for tomorrow morning off", Buffy said. "I've got a job interview at 11. So I can sleep in a little."

"An interview? With that law firm? Well that's good, isn't it?" Buffy nodded and picked up her mug, swirling the tea around inside it. "But you don't want to be dragging your tail for it, so maybe - bed?"

Buffy nodded again. "I'll just finish my tea and head upstairs." She took a sip and made a face. "It's stone cold anyway."

Dawn took the mug from her across the counter and poured it into the sink. "Hard night slaying?" she asked.

Buffy shrugged. "Not really. Well, there was a new nest of vamps in the old storage sheds down by the train station, but they were pretty easy to take care of. And there was another Craghhrruk - "

"I hope you never to do that in public. It's disgusting."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "A Craghhrruk DEMON, as you know perfectly well." But she smiled, losing a little of her abstracted air, and Dawn congratulated herself. "Anyway, I think she was the mate of the last one, and there might be a nest of young, we didn't find them tonight. I'll go back tomorrow and have another look. They're pretty nasty. Took both of us to deal with her."

"You and Spike?" Buffy nodded and Dawn sat down beside her eagerly. "So you saw him. Did you talk to him like you said you would?"

Buffy nodded, but said nothing more, and Dawn begged, "oh, come on, Buffy, you can't just leave me hanging! What happened?"

Buffy looked at her, a faint, uncertain furrow between her brows. She moistened her lips and started to speak twice, and stopped. Finally she said, " nothing much."

"Well? Did you apologize? Does he forgive you? Did you clear the air like you said?"

Buffy nodded. "I apologized. He forgives me. I guess we cleared the air."

"Then, uh - you must be feeling better, right?"

Buffy considered. "I guess so. I needed to apologize. I do feel better about that." She shrugged. "So that's good." But the small frown remained between her eyes.

"You don't look like you're feeling better," said Dawn after a moment. "Uh, do you want talk about it? - I mean I don't want to pry," she added when Buffy began to rise. "Only, if it would help ..."

She trailed off. Buffy stood obviously uncertain by the counter.

"It's not like you were going to sleep yet anyway," Dawn pointed out. "And I'm all wide awake and everything. No big plans tomorrow either. Well, I was going to go down to Willie's in the afternoon and hustle pool for loose change, but - "

"You are SO not going to - " Buffy looked at Dawn's innocent expression and rolled her eyes. "You nearly had me for a second."

"I thought it'd give you something new to talk to the Social Services lady about." Dawn grinned. "I'm going over to Janice's to make posters for the Thanksgiving dance tomorrow afternoon, but I can sleep in. So we can sit up and talk now, if you want."

Buffy hesitated, and shook her head. "I'm not shutting you out, Dawnie," she said when Dawn began to protest. "I just - I don't know what I think yet. It's, uh - "

"Complicated?" Dawn suggested.

"Yeah. Well, no." Buffy sat down again, her shoulders sagging. "It's pretty simple actually. He, uh, he forgives me. Totally. He understands I was having a tough time. He cuts me a lot of slack, way more than I deserve. He, he tried to blame himself, said he shouldn't have - put temptation in my way when I was vulnerable. Which is ridiculous, he was all that got me through last year, I told him that. And he said if I'd been treating him better, like he was good enough when he wasn't really, he would never have gone to get a soul, so it was even a good thing that, uh, everything happened like it happened. Because having a soul is a good thing." She looked at Dawn and gave her a weak smile. "I can't argue with that."

Dawn nodded, careful not to interrupt. Buffy fell silent for a moment, and swallowed. "And he, uh, he said that even the worst it got it was a lot better than when I was dead, and he was glad every day he spent with me, and he would always be g-grateful for the time we spent together."

"Well, this isn't - bad?" ventured Dawn. "I mean, it's not like he hates you now or can't stand to think about it or -"

"No, I guess it isn't bad," Buffy said. "But I, uh." She took a breath and exhaled. "I mean, you know he's not the same person now."

Dawn nodded. "He's not real different though, I mean, he still makes the same jokes and stuff."

"Yeah, but that's just - surface. It's like, same car, same paint job, same tunes on the radio even, but a whole different engine under the hood."

Dawn nodded again. "So?"

"Well, everything he said about me was in the past."

Dawn looked inquiring. "And?"

"So this new Spike - " Buffy inhaled. "He's forgiven me and everything. And he says he has a lot of respect for me and thinks I have a lot of courage and wants to fight by my side and - all that."

"Okay, so this is even good?" Dawn hazarded.

"Yeah." Buffy paused and took a breath. "But, uh, I don't think he loves me anymore. This new Spike."

She looked down at the table and swallowed. "And I didn't know how much that was going to bother me." In the light from the stove, her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

Dawn looked at her and hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder. Buffy reached up to clasp it. She closed her eyes, blinking the tears away.

"It's not like I had a right to expect him to," she went on. "That's what 'breakup' means. You break up. And, I mean, new guy. Whole new Spike. Soul-having and everything. This is all good."

"Only I guess I didn't realise until now that the old Spike is - really gone. And I, I mean, it's a good thing. I know that. We couldn't ever have got back together, not after - everything.

"But I miss him so much, Dawnie. I didn't know I was going to miss him so much." Buffy's voice broke. Tears leaked out under her closed lids and she brushed them away with her wrist and swallowed.

Dawn stroked her hair and leaned down to give her an awkward one-armed hug. "There, there, Buff," she said after a moment. "You know what Mom always used to say."

Buffy gave a watery giggle."You're not going out the door dressed like that?"

Dawn gave an exaggerated sigh. "I MEANT, things will look better in the morning. You never know what's going to happen." At least Buffy hadn't lost her sense of humour, she thought. She was dealing pretty well.

Buffy nodded and sniffed. She struggled to sit up and Dawn let her go, standing back. "Yeah, I know. And it's not like it's the end of the world. I should know, I've seen - " she thought. "six?"

"Yeah. And it's - " Dawn hesitated. "Like, you're still patrolling and everything. Maybe you could just give things some time. I mean, he's a whole new guy now. Maybe something will develop. You've still got lots in common."

"Yes, embarrassing memories of a perverse sex life are such a bond - " Buffy glanced at Dawn and blushed scarlet. "You didn't hear that."

"Perverse? What were you doing?"

"None of your business!" Still scarlet, Buffy got up and put the mug in the dishwasher.

"Handcuffs? Feathers?" Dawn grinned, bouncing with curiosity.

"Dawn! What have you been reading?"

Dawn shrugged. "Janice's big brother has a collection of Penthouse Forum."

"Well, don't read any more of it until you're in college."

"Yes Mom. Chocolate sauce?"

"No!" Buffy checked the clock. "Look at the time! You should be in bed."

"So should you, Ms. Big Job Interview Tomorrow," said Dawn.

"I'll be up in a minute," said Buffy. "I just want to clear away the dishes."

Dawn looked at her, then walked over and took a plate out of her hand. "I'll do them tomorrow morning." She patted her shoulder, nudging her towards the door. "Come on to bed, Buff. You've had a rough day. And -"

"I know." Buffy gave her a watery smile. "Things will all look better in the morning."

She squeezed Dawn's hand and followed her up the stairs.