PROFILE of the SERIAL BULLY
From: http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm
I estimate one person in thirty, male or
female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your
life?
The serial bully:
- is a convincing, practised
liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously
to fit their needs at that moment
- has a Jekyll and Hyde
nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and
charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this
individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial
bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as
"charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel,
management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil";
Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act
- excels at deception
and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive
- uses excessive charm
and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are
present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of
empathy)
- is glib, shallow and
superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's
no substance
- is possessed of an exceptional
verbal facility and will outmanoeuvre most people in verbal
interaction, especially at times of conflict
- is often described as smooth,
slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious,
sycophantic
- relies on mimicry,
repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she
is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as
in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth
the accompanying jargon
- is unusually skilled in being
able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it
plausibly
- cannot be trusted or
relied upon
- fails to fulfil
commitments
- is emotionally retarded
with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language
and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the
emotional age of a five-year-old
- is emotionally immature
and emotionally untrustworthy
- exhibits unusual and
inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behaviour and bodily
functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions
or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual
dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or
sexual abuse
- in a relationship, is incapable
of initiating or sustaining intimacy
- holds deep prejudices
(eg against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation,
other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc - prejudiced people
are unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this
prejudicial aspect of their personality secret
- is self-opinionated
and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of
entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability
- has a deep-seated contempt
of clients in contrast to his or her professed compassion
- is a control freak and
has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say,
do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal
attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start
talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality
disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to
talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies
despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their
mask of sanity
- displays a compulsive need
to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise
and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
- shows a lack of joined-up
thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't
hold water
- flits from topic to topic
so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation
- refuses to be specific
and never gives a straight answer
- is evasive and has a
Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
- undermines and destroys
anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or
who can see through the bully's mask
- is adept at creating
conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating
information about them
- is quick to discredit and
neutralise anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or
sociopathic behaviors
- may pursue a vindictive
vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps
using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other
people and organisations in pursuance of the vendetta
- is also quick to belittle,
undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call,
or might call the bully to account
- gains gratification from
denying people what they are entitled to
- is highly manipulative,
especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
- poisons peoples' minds
by manipulating their perceptions
- when called upon to share or
address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience,
irritability and aggression
- is arrogant, haughty,
high-handed, and a know-all
- often has an overwhelming,
unhealthy and narcissistic
attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind,
caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and
treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and
chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be
seen and how they are seen by others
- is spiritually dead
although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
- is mean-spirited, officious,
and often unbelievably petty
- is mean, stingy, and financially
untrustworthy
- is greedy, selfish, a parasite
and an emotional vampire
- is always a taker and never
a giver
- is convinced of their superiority
and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but
cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness,
assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity,
impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
- often fraudulently claims
qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are
ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
- often misses the semantic
meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly
thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature
apply to him or herself
- knows the words but not
the song
- is constantly imposing on
others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
- sometimes displays a
seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in
attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic
or apparent workaholic