Spontaneous Generation: Be backstabbed by 10 Spies who appear right behind you, ignoring the 3 second delay that's supposed to be attached to the knife when decloaking.

Zzz: Walk the entire length of a map with your gun spinning.

Enron Industry: Fire $200,000 worth of minigun rounds that don't strike a single foe in a single life.

George Foreman: Die 5 times attempting to punch a player, then retire and sell grills on T.V.

Vhere iz de MEDIKS?: Heal 1000 damage with med-kits in a single life, because nobody else will heal you.

Questionable Foresight: Become so engrossed in the battle that you don't notice your gun clicking 3 times from a lack of ammo.

Atlas and Friend: With a Medic assisting you, kill 75% of the enemy team, then capture a point yourself, because your team's obviously not going to move up and help you whatsoever.

Kart Is Not Moving!: Get killed 50 times by critical explosive splash off the cart, while attempting to push it.

Lightweight: Accumulate 5 minutes of airtime due to random explosives, Sentry Gun fire, or Air Blasts, despite the fact that you're supposed to be "Heavy".

Porky Ganked: Get Sniped 25 times attempting to hold one of the numerous, open-air control points.

Dirge: Kill 5 defending enemies on a control point, only to be killed yourself, where your team does not move up to secure the point.

Lenin Towards the Dark Side: Force 5 dominated enemies to change to Spy or Sniper to get their revenge on you.

Five Second Memory: Secure an enemy teleporter, and kill an enemy who comes through it twice.

Making Sure: Provide an enemy with a freezecam shot of you punching their dead ragdoll.

Konspicuous Kontent: Ruin one of your teaser weapon announcements by referring to it in an achievement.

Sandvich Iz Kinda Big Deal: Kill 50 Scouts attempting to recreate the "Meet the Scout" movie.

Maybe Diet Not Bad Idea: Die 10 times to hits that would have missed you if you had a smaller player model.

Malpraktise: Be ignored by a Medic while under 50 hitpoints, after using your Medic call 10 times.

Oblivious: Allow 5 Medics healing you to die without damaging their attackers.

Division of Physics: Be killed 5 times after receiving an ubercharge where you or your Medic are flung out of reach of each other by Sticky Bombs or Sentry Rockets.

Vas Good Trade!: Earn a domination on an enemy player who had just finished killing your Medic.

Mike Tyson: Die 5 times attempting to kill a player with a taunt, say something incoherent, then quit the game.

Mime and Admonishment: Fail to kill 10 enemies carrying your intelligence, then berate your team's Engineer for not having a sentry gun on the intelligence.

Sass Struggle: Berate your Medic for not deploying an Ubercharge fast enough.

Bum Rush: Be killed while rushing at an Ubercharged enemy Demoman, underestimating his ability to kill you in close quarters.

Vas Dat Long Trip?: Kill 25 Spies attempting to push the cart solo because their team won't push up.

Supremely Slow: Get ubered 50 times as a result of an enemy Scout circle strafing around you, taking your Medic below 50% hitpoints.

Dispenser Heavy: Fire for 2 minutes straight while recharging at a dispenser, without killing a single enemy.

Communism: Have a teammate take the kill on 5 enemies that you dealt 85% or more of the damage to.

Vhoops: "Accidentally" shoot enemy sticky bombs towards 5 teammates, causing their deaths.

Vhere is Two-Furt?: Dive into the water in 2Fort, because it's the only map you can remember that has water for these silly aquaeous achievements.

Brain Damage: Attempt, unsuccessfully, to take on a 5 on 1, 3 times in a row.

The Cake is a Lie: No-one will heal you because you are unlikable.

Crock Block Flop: Have an enemy Pyro reflect one of your team's critical rockets back into you, because you're too fat for it not to hit you.

Vat You Mean Minigun Does Little Damage Long Range?: Get 1000 assists as a result of your teammate killing an enemy where you dealt 12 damage to the enemy as a result of firing your gun at super long range.