Kid Who Sits Behind You

Animal Farm	The Hobbit	Moby Dick	Romeo and Juliet
Brave New World	Huck Finn	1984	Sense and Sensibility
Catcher in the Rye	Julius Caesar	Oliver Twist	To Kill a Mockingbird
Chrysalids	The Lord of the Flies	Othello	Waiting for Godot
The Great Gatsby	The Lottery	The Outsiders	Wuthering Heights
Hamlet	Macbeth	The Picture of Dorian Gray	MAIN PAGE
		The Plague

The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains
Julius Caesar

So there's this general named Caesar and he's all "I conquered the Gauls--go me" and the senators get all panicky, especially Cassius, 'cause he's all lean and hungry and he gets Brutus all paranoid that Caesar's gonna be king so they decide to off Caesar at the office and Caesar's wife is all "I had a bad dream and you should stay home" and Caesar's all "yeah, okay" and then some senators come and say "Is you whipped? You're stayin' home on account a what some chick said" and Caesar's all "Damn woman--where's my robe--I'm outta here" and then it's all stabby stabby and then they decide to have a funeral cause people are like, way pissed at the senators.

So they let Marc Anthony (not THAT guy--a Roman dude) talk at the funeral, and it's all like he's Puff Daddy/P. Diddy and Caesar was all Notorious B.I.G./Biggy Small and the funeral speech is all "Every Breath You Take"/"Friends, Romans Countrymen Lend Me Your Ears" and just like P. Diddy it was the best career move Marc Anthony ever made--and he got to be co-king with Lepidoptera, Octopussy Caesar and then he went to Egypt, got it on with Cleopatra, and lost a war. Oh, and Brutus and Cassius offed themselves and Brutus's wife Porche swallowed barbecue coals after she stabbed herself in the thigh cause she was kinda into pain, if you know what I mean.

The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains
The Lord of the Flies

This is the story of an island. And Ralph. And Jack. And Piggy. They are all flies--giant talking flies. (Kind of like that Animal Farm story that I'll tell you about another time, but without pigs.) These flies get trapped on an island--or maybe in a big jar--and they have to survive so they need to build homes and hunt for other bugs to eat. Then they discover this dead pilot with smaller flies all over it and he tells them to go to Middle Earth where they find Simon, a gollum, with a conch shell he calls "My Precious". Then Jack and a bunch of hunters fight with Boromir and Piggy starts a fire with his glasses and Ralph is elected king and he gets to marry Arwen and they are rescued by a big ship and they all live happily except Piggy who is squished like a bug. (cause he is a bug).

The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains
"The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson

So this story's all about some hicksville fair and there's this woman who's there with her family and it's all small town crap like when I go to stay with my cousin at his farm and his family makes me go to the 4H fair and like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause on account of I get a candy apple and to ride on some lameass ferris wheel. Plus all the decent looking chicks are like already engaged on account of they get married the day they graduate from high school.

Anyway, this fair has some sort of big lottery and I'm thinking it's for some pie or something but this chick in the story she's all not wanting to win, which I think is kind of generous of her and all, but then her family gets picked and she wants her kids to win and stuff and I'm thinking nice mom but then...Whoa!

This lottery kind of sucks--and I don't mean like that draw we had in grade 7 to ride in the cop car with officer "needs some deodorant" sucked, but it really sucks. I guess it would be kinda wrong to tell you how it all ends because then you won't even bother reading the story.

But hell--I've been stoned at a fair before and all, but this... I mean, it was a rock concert, dude, but there ain't no headliner.
I wonder if that's too big a hint. Oh well, you ain't gonna read it anyway, or you wouldn't be botherin' with this.