Cars And The Accompanying Misery
By Mr.e

Vehicles ... Arghhh!!

Never-ending problems, each one heralded by odd squeaks, grinding noises, mysterious loose bits and other grungy and inconveniently broken things.

My chipped windshield may as well symbolize a crystal ball through which I try desperately to peer into some cheery future for myself and the car I currently own. But all I see is bleak and unforgiving stuff and another trip to the repair shop imminent and dreaded.

The car I now own is not my first; it's the eighth. I hate vehicles for all the craziness that goes wrong and along with them. From going out to purchase a shiny new one, to hunting for a roadworthy used one or simply trying to keep the accursed thing on the road, it's all one big never-ending hassle and a financial headache; judging by my gouged wallet and crumbling credit card.

I don't really believe that car manufacturers deliberately employ gremlins to cobble their vehicles together or chuck a few of those trouble makers into the trunk or glove-box as the finished product rolls off the factory floor or even more diabolical, contract these same critters to reap havoc upon unsuspecting vehicle owners.

But somewhere someone is taking great liberties with that proverbial monkey wrench.

Furthermore, what about those mechanical wizards at your local service station who claim to be adept in the mechanical arts?

These mechanics of financial misery have joined the dark side and tend to take pride in discovering even more life-threatening damage than you ever wanted to know about. Each pit stop at the repair shop is filled with dread because this visit may be the one that will suck your bank account dry.

Recently I discovered a repair shop that claims to provide "non-intimidating service". What is that? Simply hanging plants around the shop, and taking even more time to explain the intricacies of car repair to the mechanically inept, does not make the prospect of getting that little "thunking vibration" fixed all that comforting.

To ensure a less threatening service environment, I think the car repair service industry should implement the following service technique: The hapless customer walks into your local garage, ambles right over to that inviting and snug fitting face mask right next to the service desk, cranks open the large and brightly colored valve and breathes deeply for a few minutes. Then the customer shuts off that amusingly gay colored valve attached to that huge laughing gas tank and then floats over to talk to the mechanic, who stands behind the grimy service counter; hands stuffed into tight fitting surgical gloves.

While the mechanic checks out the problem, the customer is lulled into a blissful state via aroma therapy and mind numbing music interspersed with frequent trips to the laughing gas mask; all located in the cozy confines of the rubber walled waiting room. No obligatory stacks of ill-smelling tires and accompanying advertising here, no way!

Any bad news the mechanic now shares with the customer about the fateful condition of the car in question is now more palatable and perhaps a bit less traumatic than bearing the full brunt of the usually horrifying diagnosis accompanied by a litany of accompanying costs.

Gee, since when has an estimate ever been bang on? I just hope that one day I can drive into my local shop, explain what I think is happening and get an honest opinion, minus any technical information that means little to me.

Do you ever get the impression that those repair shop experiences have a spooky resemblance to emergency visits to the dentist? Perhaps it's just me, but I loathe dealing with new or used car dealers, repair shops and dentists.

Fortunate for me my next doorneighbor is a honorable mechanic.