Word by Word
September 2006
Sunday, September 3, 2006
7:30 pm
This is pretty much of an un-blog lately. A combination of family and friends (and a continued fixation on climbing Grouse Mountain) has kept me away from this space. And I'll be away some more for a couple of weeks, as I'm doing some travelling again. This time I'm off to a cousin's wedding, and then I'll come home via central Canada, after visiting one of my children in her new digs.
But life is pretty good. In amongst all the rushing about, I am enjoying driving my new car. I don't know whether it'll wear off, but I feel fortunate, each time I sit down in it. I'm not sure how else to describe it.
When I'm back from my travels, my son is going to shift households and go live with his dad. So after that I'll be an empty nester. Transition time, yet again. I think the cats and I will miss him, but I know it's a good thing. It'll be quite a change though. I haven't lived alone since I was 21. (I had two cats then, too.)
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
2:30 pm
I got back from my latest travels late last night, and have been doing laundry today, and regrouping my sense of where I am. Home feels very good, though I had a very good time while away.
Two phases to this trip. One was back to North Carolina for a cousin's wedding. The setting was an island off the coast, one that only accepts foot passengers. It's a fairly big island, so getting around is done with golf carts. Kind of funny really, seeing people tootling along in the things. That's how the bride arrived at the club where the wedding took place.
My uncle and cousins had rented houses for the weekend, and my brother and I stayed in one with 'the old folks'; my uncle and his sweetheart, and his brother and sister-in-law. It was a lot of trouble to get everyone to, I must admit, but once there, what can you do except hang around with family members who are usually too busy? A bit of reading, good food, good company, playing in the ocean. Can't complain really. I've met my uncle's brother and wife before, but only briefly, so this was great, because I got a chance to make friends. And they all went to bed really early, so my brother and I got in lots of talk time, which we don't usually get, sitting out on the veranda listening to the surf (and swatting at little bugs, no see-ums -- the bites have just about healed).
Lots of goodbyes, and then I was back in Canada to see my away-daughter's new place, and try not to get too much in her way. Turned out I was helpful in getting her moved in. She had a whole pile of stuff in storage, and we cleaned that out of it's locker and hauled it back to her new place. I spent a couple nights with her, but then switched to a hotel, so we wouldn't drive each other crazy, but also to give her room to get some work done, and allow her to turn the heat up, while I could turn on the air con at the hotel. A bachelor suite is very small for many days of visiting. To much (s)mothering for the poor girl. I can't seem to help myself.
It all worked out fine though; I enjoy hanging out in a hotel room, using up towels I don't have to wash, that sort of thing. One night I rented The Da Vinci Code, which is not a particularly good movie, but was interesting nonetheless, probably because I'd read the book and could follow the story. I don't know what it would be like otherwise; a bit cheesy I suspect. Of course the book isn't that good either (sacrilege) though the story is intriguing. And given I have no religious background, I find I am oblivious to any factual flaws that may be there. Not in a position to comment on the church really. Though it occurred to me that were Dan Brown writing about Islam, he might be dead now; he's probably upset a lot of Catholics, but they've let him live.
I also did some sight-seeing on my own, while the kid was in class, and took her out for food when she wasn't, as well as a fair bit of shopping for bits and pieces needed, that sort of stuff, and I did get a look at the boyfriend. Poor guy, he held up very well, meeting the mother-in-law.
And I read a big fat book while I was away, the Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon, which I would recommend to anyone. Excellent novel, packed full of good characters. If you read comic books as a kid, like I did, it's a double bonus. (Click here for a review at salon.com)
And now I find myself sitting at the beginning of a new phase of my life. I knew when I left that my son was going to move out when I came home; he waited till I got back for the sake of the cats I think. His move is lateral in a sense, as he's going to school too, can't afford his own place yet. So he's going to occupy the room at his dad's that has been home for both of his sisters for varying lengths of time. His turn.
I think this is good. It seems right to me that children should have a sense of their father's house as being home. It's okay to go and visit the folks when you are grown, but forever being a visitor in your father's house, well, that just doesn't seem right to me. But anyone who knows my history knows I'm extrapolating from my own life here. I share this with my kids, growing up with my mother, and visiting my father. I don't think their dad is exactly like mine though. I think our son will settle in there and get along just fine.
Mixed feelings here. I'm glad to have the space, and I know it's right that he move on. We are at such completely different stages in life, etc. I know lots of cultures find nothing strange about the kids staying home, but I subscribe to the philosophy of independence going along with adulthood. And there comes a time when it's a social liability for a young man to admit he lives with his mom. And I've already mentioned I have trouble backing off on the mothering stuff. But he's very good company, and I'll miss him.
So empty nest, tonight as it turns out, as there's a van available to move the big stuff, and out he goes. I haven't lived alone since I was 21. That's a while ago.
Monday, September 24, 2006
11 am
Really, I don't intend this to be just once a week, but time keeps sliding by, and then voila, another week. This was a week of moving bits and pieces of my son's stuff. He's the youngest child, and the last to move, though this isn't the first time he's gone off for a while. But this time I suspect is permanent. He's jumped to his dad's house, which is a lateral move in one sense, but also a step outward, given the relationship that develops when dad's house has not been your home. I could blather on I suppose about that, but it's probably true that I don't really know what I'm talking about. Mainly, there comes a time when a guy doesn't want to be living with his mom in an apartment -- it's a social liability. So if he can, he moves.
He does promise to visit though, and so I can be counted on to cook a meal maybe once a week. (Funny to be this person, the mother that gets visited.) The fridge is quite a bit emptier already.
The place is a shambles, after the explosion of my suitcase, and then the week spent sorting stuff out, and I told the boy to just leave what he doesn't want. So this week I'll be piling up a lot of things for Sally Ann, and tossing stuff into the dumpster too. It's amazing to me how much stuff can fit into a place like this. It all seemed so essential when I bought it all, but if it doesn't all fit, it means I need to clear it out. Doesn't it?
That could stand as a metaphor for life really. If it doesn't fit, clear it out.
The Grouse Grind closed while I was away, for repairs, and opened again on Saturday, so my eldest and I went up, after a hiatus of about two and a half weeks, for both of us I think. Absolutely beautiful fall day (first day of fall). I would say summery day, but there's something about the slant of the light through the trees that is different. Or maybe it was just the the woods were fresh from recent rainfall. My daughter said she was going to take it easy, because she'd not been for a while, but she had me huffing and puffing to keep up. Which I did! I'm encouraged that there's not a complete collapse backwards, even though the trip away was definitely not a fitness exercise. Anyway my addiciton is rekindled, and I'm off again today. Depending on when the snow starts to fly up there, I could still slog up that hill many more times this season. I so love the way it makes my heart thump. It does fit.
Here are two pictures of Bald Head Island (click on them for larger views).
I stayed in a house like the ones you see here, facing south to the ocean. Constant sound of surf, but not as noisy as on the east side of the island.
The Islands on the Atlantic are sure different from what we Lower Mainlanders are used to.
We have bears and cougars, and potential earthquakes. They have alligators and snakes, and hurricanes. But also an ocean that gets warm enough to swim in. (And jellyfish, one of which stung me, though my marine biologist cousin was quick with a remedy.)
Sea turtles lay their eggs on this island too. But besides one large garter snake, and a few tiny crabs, the only wildlife I saw was my family.
This other picture is of the inland marsh. Not a place where wading is recommended.
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