Towards Jesus, Towards Healing

 

Gordon Coulson

Vancouver, BC

www.homechristians.net

Homechristian@shaw.ca

 

 

Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. – Mt. 11:28-30

 

Introduction

 

Many Christians, at some point in their journey, have suffered spiritual abuse at the hands of domineering, control-oriented churches.  Even after they leave, or are thrown out, they carry the emotional scars of the abuse with them.  They suffer from loneliness, disillusionment, depression, inability to trust, and bitterness.  Some lose faith in God entirely.  Some spend years in bitter anger against the abusive system.  In some cases this becomes the basis of their identity.  Others join another abusive church.  Some isolate themselves in fear.  And a minority, it seems, learn from the experience.  They recover from the abuse.  They heal.  They develop a real, spiritual relationship with God, coming to know him as a loving, caring, wise and gentle Father.  They develop healthy, supportive friendships.  After they recover and heal, they are able to help others who have similarly suffered.

 

How can we, who may have suffered in an abusive religious system, find true emotional and spiritual healing?

 

Betty Donald’s Story

 

From p. 51-51 of Recovering from Churches that Abuse, by Ronald Enroth

 

The Church of Bible Understanding was founded by Stewart Traill.  Traill claims that God speaks directly to him, and that he is the sole possessor of the correct method of interpreting the bible.  Betty Donald was a missionary in Haiti for the church.  She was looking after a very sick seven year old boy at an orphanage.  He desperately needed surgery.  She contacted the headquarters of the church in New York to request funds to pay for it.  The funding was denied.  She was told to go to God in prayer and have faith.  She ended up paying for the surgery herself, and her faith in her church was devastated.  She returned to New York.

 

“I had to face how dishonest and dysfunctional members were because of fearing what Stewart would say about any type of situation out of the ordinary, especially if it involved spending money.  We would try anything possible to avoid being accused of doing something wrong.  I had always hated living like that, but would often justify it and hope that it would never result in something serious.  This time it did, and I was left to face just how much I’d compromised, justified, and blamed myself for how mean, controlling and unreasonable Stewart really was.  I felt nothing but contempt for Stewart and the organization that I had once been totally loyal to.”

 

After confronting him on some of his views, she and some friends decided to leave.

 

“We were all shattered,” Betty relates, “and trying to pick up the pieces of our lives as best we could.  When I first left, I felt as if I were walking around with a dirty secret that only these friends knew and could relate to.  It was extremely hard to talk with anyone about my experience, even my family.  I wanted desperately to tell my parents everything, but at the same time I was afraid and felt ashamed.  I feared that if I told them my story, they might be hindered from coming to know Christ.”

 

“It bothered me greatly that I couldn’t relate very well to other people and in fact had very little to say, because the only thing I really wanted to talk about was what had happened to me.  My fellow ex-members often criticized my bitterness.  I was bitter, of course, because I had been put down and criticized for years.”

 

During Betty’s period of doubt in the exit process, she found refuge in renewed contact with a friend, Nancy, who had left the church four years earlier.  “I talked with her weekly, before and after leaving the group.  Nancy helped me a lot.  She listened to me and helped me work through my questions and doubts without giving a lot of advice.  The best thing Nancy did for me was to reflect on her experiences and listen without criticizing me.”

 

Betty went on join another church, and to receive counseling from the pastor, who was a very caring person.

 

“Gradually I became more comfortable talking with others about my experience, and I found that the more I talked, the better able I was to sort out my feelings about COBU.  I have since made many new friends, have taken up bicycling and aerobics and have been involved in the Singles ministry at my church.  But I admit that I still become angry and feel cheated that I threw away a college education because of Stewart Traill.  I feel inadequate around others my age who have a career, a home, and a family to raise.”

 

èNote Betty’s experience is not unique. Abusive churches are not limited to any one denomination—they are widespread.  Thousands suffer under their influence.

 

Similarities Between Spiritual Abuse and Other Forms of Abuse

 

Victims of an abusive family system have a remarkably similar experience to those suffering in an abusive church.  And we should not be surprised.  The church is a surrogate family, and domineering church leaders can substitute for abusive parents.  They don’t allow us to think for ourselves.  They don’t allow us to grow up.  They keep us under their control, and this is abusive.

 

Abusive family systems have the following characteristics:

 

  • Denial and delusion
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Shame-based, low self-esteem
  • Fixed, frozen and rigid rules and roles
  • Lack of boundaries – members are enmeshed with each other
  • Individual needs sacrificed to the system
  • Poor communication – either open conflict or the pretence of agreement
  • Open secrets
  • Control-oriented

 

Victims of abusive families, even after leaving, can have the following symptoms:

 

  • Abuse feels normal
  • Delusion and denial
  • Inability to solve problems
  • Trust issues
  • Intense jealousy and possessiveness or hostility
  • Loneliness, alienation, isolation
  • Rigidity
  • Hyper vigilance and fear of losing control
  • Victim role
  • Compulsive/addictive behavior
  • Depression
  • Yearning for parental approval
  • Shame

 

John Bradshaw, himself a victim of an abusive family, joined a 12 step group to help in his recovery.  He writes in the book The Family (p. 197):

 

“I quietly learned that control and perfectionism had reduced my life to shambles.  I had to surrender and acknowledge my powerlessness.  I had to feel as bad as I really felt…Coming out of hiding was terrifying, but the love and warmth of the group made it bearable.”

 

“The group was my new family.  It was my family of affiliation.  We were a network of friends sharing our common problems.  There were social equality and mutual respect.  Each time I went to a meeting, I felt better.  I couldn’t understand it…All we did was share our experiences or talk about one of the 12 steps.”

 

“I now see what was happening then.  I had found a new family.  The rules were different in this family.  It was not only okay to make mistakes; it was a requirement for membership.  Everyone was equal.  There were no leaders.  The group was based on mutual respect, social equality and rigorous honesty.  People were talking about their feelings.”

 

“I was being accepted just for me—not because of my performance or achievements.  I started recovering my self-respect.  Each time I went to a meeting, I was coming out of hiding and reducing my shame.  Each time I talked about me in an honest way (this was a gradual process) I was breaking old family rules.  I was beginning to be real.”

 

è Note: a good model for a bible study/support group

 

The 12 Steps

 

The 12 steps define a recovery process:

 

1-3: Admitting our limitations: that we need God’s help; and asking Him for help.

 

4-7: House cleaning: searching, fearless inventory; admit errors; ask God to heal us.

 

8-10: Taking action: regularly taking inventory and making amends to those we have hurt

 

11-12: Towards wholeness and healing: spiritual awakening; helping other victims.

 

èNote: This is essentially the same process as becoming a Christian.

 

Religious Addiction

 

Just as abusive families are associated with chemical or alcohol addiction; spiritual abuse is closely associated with religious addiction.  Religious addicts are often drawn to an abusive system because of their background:

 

  • Abusive parent, often an addict
  • Emotional needs not met
  • Feelings of alienation
  • Perfectionism in the family
  • High expectations, low affirmation
  • Vivid fantasy world
  • Poor peer relationships
  • Feelings not shared

 

When the person encounters an abusive religious system, they may at first rejoice at finally finding a sense of belonging.  The people are so nice and loving, it seems.  This is the answer they were looking for, they think.  The person may seek religious experiences to avoid feelings of pain and emptiness.  Soon after joining the group, performance-based church activity becomes the measure of spirituality.  Meeting attendance becomes obsessive.  The leadership must not be questioned.  Soon, Jesus, the only mediator, is replaced by the religious system.  The addict is hooked.

 

Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, in Toxic Faith--Understanding and Overcoming Religious Addiction, describe three stages to religious addiction.

 

Early Stage

 

  • Extreme stress
  • Repeated disappointments
  • Loneliness
  • Increasing dependency on others
  • Feelings of guilt and insecurity
  • Loss of other interests
  • Abandonment by family and friends
  • Unwillingness to discuss problems
  • One-sided sermons (no questions)
  • Mood alteration associated with church activity
  • Heavy church attendance
  • Conformity
  • Lack of intimate relationships
  • Growing denial and self-justification
  • Scripture as a weapon

 

Middle Stage

 

  • Immersed in the system—entire life focused on church life
  • Knows the official propaganda.  Can quote it.
  • Outspoken—little regard for offensive comments
  • Giving unusual amounts of money
  • Little meaningful contact with outsiders
  • Focus on recruitment
  • Self-medication—seeking religious experiences for a high
  • Often dual addictions
  • Claims of special anointing or special gifting from God
  • Increased pressure to perform and please
  • Total dependence on the system
  • Deepening denial

 

Late Stage

 

  • Despair – sense of hopelessness.  The religious system no longer satisfies needs
  • Erratic behavior – knowing something is wrong, the addict tries changing behavior rather than changing his heart
  • Resentment and anger – as the addict’s world falls apart.  Everyone else is blamed.
  • Obsession with beliefs – continual questioning and pondering the belief system.  Something is wrong—but what?
  • Physical deterioration
  • Stagnation and fear
  • Financial collapse
  • Family deterioration
  • Hitting bottom: Running out of self-will and ability to manipulate, the addict must give up the addiction and turn to God.

 

“The end of religious addiction does not have to be a disaster.  It can be an experience of coming back into relationship with a very patient God.” (p. 158)

 

Abusive and Healthy Churches – How to Identify Them?

 

Arterburn and Felton describe 10 characteristics of a Toxic Faith:

 

  1. “Special” claims about character, abilities, or knowledge
  2. Dictatorial and authoritarian leader
  3. An “us versus them” mentality
  4. Punitive in nature
  5. Overwhelming service
  6. Followers in pain
  7. Closed communication
  8. Legalism
  9. No objective accountability
  10. Labeling (e.g. “worldly people”)

 

Ronald Enroth, in Recovering from Churches that Abuse, identifies 11 questions to help discern if your church is an abusive or healthy church (p.13-16).

 

  1. Does a member’s personality generally become stronger, happier, more confident as a result of contact with the group?
  2. Do members of the group seek to strengthen their family commitments?
  3. Does the group encourage independent thinking and the development of discernment skills?
  4. Does the group allow for individual differences of belief and behavior, particularly on issues of secondary importance?
  5. Does the group encourage high moral standards both among members and between members and nonmembers?
  6. Does the group’s leadership invite dialogue, advice, and evaluation from outside its immediate circle?
  7. Does the group allow for development of theological beliefs?
  8. Are group members encouraged to ask hard questions of any kind?
  9. Do members appreciate truth wherever it is found, even if it is outside their group?
  10. Is the group honest in dealing with nonmembers, especially as it tries to win them to the group?
  11. Does the group foster relationships and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving?

 

We could also add the following:

 

  1. Is Christ central, are the teachings biblical, and are the fruits of the spirit, especially love, clearly manifested between members as well as towards those outside the group?

 

Recovery from Religious Addiction and Abusive Churches

 

Recovery from Religious Addiction and Abusive Churches can be helped by:

 

  • Joining a twelve step group
  • Getting individual or group counseling
  • A warm, accepting church
  • Ex-member support groups

 

Full recovery may take a few years.  We need to engage in it and work hard.  We must try to get past the bitterness and obsession with the abusive church and get on with our Christian walk.  Most important of all, we need to ask and believe that God, through Jesus Christ, will heal us.

 

Many of us who have suffered have had Christ usurped by our abusive church.  We need to find him again.  He has risen.  He is real and he is our Lord and Savior.  Jesus loves us and wants to work with us in our recovery.  We need to establish a relationship with the Son of God if we are to know God the Father the way he wants to be known.

 

“Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd.” Mt 9:36

 

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” – Mt. 11:28

 

“…your heavenly Father [will] give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" Lk. 11:13

 

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Cor 5:17

 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal 5:21-23

 

The Twelve Steps with Scriptural References

 

Admitting our limitations

 

  1. We admitted we were powerless over our compulsive religious behaviors and toxic faith—that our lives had become unmanageable. (Mt 9:36, Ro 7:18-20, Ps 6:2-4, 31:9-10, 38:1-9, 44:15-16, 72:12-13
  2. Came to believe that God, through Jesus Christ, could restore us to sanity. (Mt 12:18-21, Mk 9:23-24, Lk 13:10-13, Jn 6:63, 12:46, Ps 18:1-3, 142)
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. (Mt 11:28-30, 16:21-26, Eph 2:8,9, Ps 3:5-6, 23, 91:1-4, Pr 3:5-6)

 

House cleaning

 

  1. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (Mt 23:23-28, Lk 12:1-6, Ro 13:11-14, 1 Cor 4:19-20, Gal 6:3-5, Pr 5:3-6, 16:2-3)
  2. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. (Lk 15:17-20, Ac 19:18, 2Cor 10:3-5, He 4:12-16, Ja 5:16, 1Jn 1:8-9, Pr 28:13-14)
  3. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. (Ro 6:11-12, Eph 4:17-23, Col 3:5-8, 1Pt 1:13-16, 1Jn 4:18, Rev 3:19-20)
  4. We humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. (Mt 18:4, Ac 3:19, He 12:5-11, 1Pt 5:6-7, 1Jn 5:14-15, Ps 32:6-8, 37:23-24)

 

Taking action

 

  1. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. (Mt 18:21-35, Lk 6:37-38, 19:8, Jn 13:34-35, 1Cor 13, 2 Tim 1:7, Ja 4:11-12)
  2. We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Mt 5:9, Ro 15:2, Ph 1:9-11, Co 4:5-6, Ph 8-17, Ps 51:14-17, Pr 16:20-24)
  3. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. (Mk 14:38, Ro 12:3, 1Th 5:17-22, He 2:1-3, 1Pt 2:11, Ps 85:8-9, 103:8-18)

 


Wholeness and healing

 

  1. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God praying only for knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out. (Jn 4:13-14, Ro 8:26-28, Gal 2:20, Ph 4:6-9, Tit 3:1-7, Ps 84:5-12, 127:1-2)
  2. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other religious addicts and abuse victims and to practice these principles in all our lives. (Mk 5:18-20, 1Cor 9:22-27, 15:10, 1Ti 1:12-16, Ps 92:1-4, 96:1-2, Pr 31:26-31)

 

The Serenity Prayer

 

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

[in Jesus name we pray]

References and Further Reading

 

  1. A Walk with Your Shepherd – The Twenty-Third Psalm and the Twelve Steps to Recovery, by Dr. William Gaultiere
  2. Be Free, by Warren W. Wiersbe
  3. Churches that Abuse, by Ronald Enroth
  4. Recovering from Churches that Abuse, by Ronald Enroth
  5. Serenity – A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery – Complete with New Testament Psalms & Proverbs, by Dr. Robert Hemfelt and Dr. Richard Fowler
  6. The FamilyA Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery, by John Bradshaw
  7. The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, by David John and Jeff VanVonderen
  8. Toxic Faith – Understanding and Overcoming Religious Addiction, by Stephen Arterburn & Jack Felton

 

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

http://www.apologeticsindex.org/e21.html

www.12step.org

http://www.batteredsheep.com/resources.html

www.spiritualabuse.org

http://www.factnet.org/Healing.html