How the Canadian Government Works

How the U.S. Government Works

In the beginning was the plan.   And the plan was completely without substance.   And then came the assumptions.   And the assumptions were without form.   And darkness was upon the faces of the  workers.   And they spake unto their Group Heads, saying "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."   And the Group Heads went unto their Section Heads and sayeth, "It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odour thereof."   And the Section Heads went unto their managers and sayeth, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none can abide by it."   And the managers went unto their Director and sayeth, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide by its strength."   And the Directors went unto their Director General and sayeth, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."   And the Directors-General went unto the Assistant Deputy Minister, and sayeth, "It promoteth growth, and it is very powerful."   And the Assistant Deputy Minister went unto the Deputy Minister, and sayeth unto him, "The powerful plan will actively promote growth and efficiency of the Department, and give it strength."    And the Deputy Minister looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.   And the plan became policy.

The government has a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. The congressman whose district it's in says someone might steal from it at night; so Congress creates a night watchman, GS-4 position, and hires a person for the job.   Then the congressman asks, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"   So Congress creates a planning position and hires two people -- one person to write the instructions, a GS-12, and one person to do time studies, a GS-11.   "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" the congressman asks.   So Congress creates a quality control position and hires a GS-9 to do quality control studies and a GS-11 to write the reports.   Then the congressman asks, "How are these people going to get paid?"   So Congress authorizes positions of timekeeper, GS-9, and payroll officer, GS-11, and two people are hired to fill the slots.   "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" the congressman asks.   So they hire three people, an administrative officer, GS-13, an assistant administrative officer, GS-12, and a legal secretary, a GS-8.   On the eve of the next election season, the congressman looks at the cost and says, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cutback overall costs."   So they lay off the night watchman.

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