~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car,
he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back,
"IT'S A SCARF!"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked,
"If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and
she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was,
,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name can you hear it?"
,
She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The blonde reported for her university final examination
which consists of "yes/no" type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet-Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.
The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival,
the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat,
shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew
for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what
happened to her
"I know I'm late but I just can't get out of my room."
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess crying replied; "There are only three doors in here,
one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says,
"Do Not Disturb!"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
* You've got mail! *
A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and went
back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box
again. She did this several times and her neighbour that was watching her said
"You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep
looking into your mail box." The blonde answered,
"No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for two weeks.
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's
amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods
.
"I'll tell you, though; I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it,
because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell,
but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter
in your car back to 50,000 miles.
Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore. "
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde,
"Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and
were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to
jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead
$50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied;
"I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said; "I can't take this, you're my friend".
The blonde said; "No! A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said;
"Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied;
"Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *