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WITTY QUOTES Impotence is nature's way of saying: "No hard feelings." SUSAN PEARLMAN Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. JACK BENNY It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. MATT BARRY Sex is the most fun I have had without laughing. WOODY ALLEN Chastity is curable if detected early. AUTHOR UNKNOWN Instead of getting married again, I am going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. ROD STEWART My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she is reading. STEVE JOB Only a mediocre writer is always at his best. SOMERSET MAUGHAM All religions are founded on the fears of the many and the cleverness of the few. STENDHAL Why don't you ever see a headline "Psychic wins lottery?" SARI MAX Admiration is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE As far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. BERTRAND RUSSELL Monotheism is a gift from the gods. AUTHOR UNKNOWN We must believe in free will. We have no choice. ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER Brevity is the soul of lingerie. DOROTHY PARKER Wagner's music is better than it sounds. MARK TWAIN Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. SUSAN ERTZ Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.. JULES RENARD I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory. AUTHOR UNKNOWN The trouble with the rat race is that even when you win you're still a rat. LILY TOMLIN Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. AUTHOR UNKNOWN A saint is a dead sinner, revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Anybody who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. SAMUEL GOLDWYN Humour is rubber sword-it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. MARY HIRSCH