Simon Fisher Turner began life on this earth in 1954 when the gods conspired to create an exceptionally gifted, kind and humble human. This was not to be the only time that Simon Turner would be born, in fact he's been reborn a half a dozen times during his lifetime. Though Turner remains relatively unknown to most of the world now, there was a time when he was a celebrated young actor and a bubble-gum pop idol of the early seventies. Turner would be described as "best young actor" by Britain's Bravo Magazine had a few hit singles, eventually being slated to take the vacated spot of David Cassidy as Keith Partridge's English cousin! Over the course of time and through exposure to some more worldly vices, Simon discovered that he was "shit". This is where the story takes on an entirely different direction. He begins to see real rock and roll bands, develops a mind of his own and ventures out as an artist on personal terms. In the last 20 years Simon has released dozens of albums in a dizzying array of genres. He's made Soundtrack music for esoteric filmmaker Derek Jarman, Produced music for fashion shows, released startlingly daring works as SFT, Appeared as "The King of Luxembourg" on El records and is also Loveletter and Monday Sinclair of Siesta record's Reverie and If… sub-labels. Tuner was also the creative mind behind the spazzy-pop of Bad Dream Fancy Dress, a forerunner of the sound revisited by Girfrendo and Le Tigre.
Hardly has one person ever lived the "right place, right time" phrase like Turner has. Turner has recently released "Travelcard", an album of artistic experimentations that betray classification.

I've read your short bio on the Mute Webster. You claim to have been a pyromaniac and a thief. What kind of trouble did you get into in those days?
As I think about it, petty theft and arson, as I said. At my parents dinner parties I'd go through their guests coat pockets, stealing from shops in Carnaby St. General mindless, just for a laugh theft. I once climbed into an office in the West End, up 3 floors of scaffolding, into an office window, looked around, left them a note about the lack of security. Always a dream to steal a Bentley or Rolls Royce. Walking home one night I got into a Rolls Royce, found a passport, driving license, money etc., and beautiful Schaefer pen. Left the lot, had a sleep, and went off in the morning, having left a note again. I've never burnt a building down, but fire is an attractive element. Bonfires, the blue flames, smell, danger. No more pyro for me thank you.

How did you get involved in television and what programs were you on at the time?
I went to a drama school. Arts Educational Trust. It sounds like an office but it was a ballet school. 90% gals, 10% boys. We had fun and the school had an agent. Mss fisher. I spoke, as they say, "the queens English." Posh, if you like. So I got radio work initially, then the TV started, mainly for the BBC, Tom Brown's Schooldays, The Silver Sword, Wings, The Long Chase. Mainly kid's serials, Kim and Co., generally, 13 episodes. I left school to concentrate on doing this acting. It seemed a ridiculous way to live. I earned more then my Pa, a submarine captain. I stopped when I was 24, too terrified to learn the lines. (Then a) realization that I was rubbish; it must have been the hair and blue eyes. I'm currently to be seen in one shot of the film Croupier by Mike Hodges.

Eventually you were voted best actor in Europe by Bravo Magazine. What is Bravo and what were the circumstances of the award they granted?
Hmm. Bravo was, and still is the biggest teen mag in Europe. I was as I say, doing rubbish, which seemed to be promoted in the right way, so pin-up I became. Ironically, the year I got the award I was a healthy 20-ish drinker and I enjoyed my classes and drugs being sent to my hotels on location in advance. Ludicrous, but amusing in an odd kind of way. The acting meant I traveled the globe and worked extremely hard. It's not a piece of cake. Hence I'm very punctual, and loath slackness.

Whose brilliant idea was it to get you behind the Mic, which led you to being declared as "Britain's answer to David Cassidy"?
A man - JK. Jonathan King. A self-styled writer of crap-pop.

It's true then, that you had thousands of girls chasing you in those days?
Girls chased. I had bodyguards on record signing occasions. Fat Fred, and Harry the plank. They went on to fame and fortune as Zeppelin and Deep Purple heavies. I was young and believed it all. Sex with the odd, but very nice fan, was OK, but I'm sure I never took too much for granted.

Tell me something of your relationship with Robert Mitchum.
Robert asked me to find a pub where we could go for lunch. How could I refuse? I found a quiet corner one and he ordered Guinness. He downed his in one and ordered another immediately. I sipped carefully. We hung out rather a lot. He told long, beautiful stories, tales of Jimmy Dean, pot, the busts, women and travels. A popular man on the set. Then Candy Clark and I took him to see the Banshees at the Vortex. I was recently nearly sued by M Winner but won before it came to that. Mr. Winner couldn't prove his side of the story. I could.

Who is Mr. Winner?
Michael Winner is an English film director, whom apart from making awful films is a food critic for a dodgy English Sunday paper. untalented, and gross.

Why did Sid Vicious kick you in the balls?
Jealousy. I could get into a club in Margaret Street, The Speakeasy. He couldn't. I was drunk-ish and he just kicked the shit out of me. hurt too.

Is it true that John Lydon gave you advice to do your own thing, and did that advice steer your direction?
Mr. Lydon and I shared an afternoon in the Roebuck Pub on Kings Road one summer's day. He really is the man. Very, how d'ya say… concise. And pure. We talked $, commercialism, beer, fame, being on TV, etc. He sums up, for me, the spirit of what punk was supposed to be, which was, be yourself, unique. Don't be a sheep and follow the herds. I'm glad to see he still seems to believe this.

How long were you a member of The The, and how did you meet Matt Johnson?
A year or more. Maybe 2. I met him through Cherry Red, the publishers. Mike Alway employed me in the office as I was starting to make music. We got together, with Colin Lloyd Tucker (his old friend from the Gadgets) and went out as a 3 piece. No drums. We all had number 1 haircuts and wore jumpers. I love Matt's guitar playing. I wish he'd play more. A unique style. Nice man too. I see him about once a year.

Is this around the time that you met Bruce Gilbert (of Wire)?
Yup. Cherry Red and Mute had offices in the same building. Bruce did a record called Mzui, and a cool exhibition in a space in Waterloo. I went along and we got on, still do. He's tall, with a strikingly dry sense of humour. He always comes up with glorious surprises for me and my music needs a little pushing sometimes. But the results I enjoy. And they last.

You were also somewhat involved with the Go-Betweens and would record their "Lee Remick". Were the Go-Betweens part of the El label at any time?
Cherry Red published the Go-Betweens. Lindy drummed on the Royal Bastard LP, and yes, "Lee Remick" was a song we did. They asked Colin and I to sing for them, which was fun, if you could get through the arguments with the boys. I like them very much. We tried writing together but came up with rambling drunken song titles instead.

Can you share with me what you had in mind with "Deux Filles"?
The idea came to me in a dream - how to get a record released - pretend to be a girl (group) was the answer. Colin kept me musically sparse. We had rules and managed to play live once without anyone knowing our secret.

As time went on you met your hero Derek Jarman and recorded several soundtracks for his films. How did Derek's death effect you?
Deeply. I'd worked with him on 6 films. I think about him a lot and miss him. We had an odd relationship. I never socialized with him, just work or visits to the cottage. I could go on for ages. A wonderful warm man. I miss his eye and commitment to his arts. A rare animal

Reportedly there is a film that Jarman shot of an El live show. Is there any chance that this might surface at any time? I need to see this!
Yup. I got a call yesterday. It's in a warehouse in North London.

What are the basic differences between the King of Luxembourg, Loveletter and Monday Sinclair?
The backing band. I hardly play on Monday Sinclair or Loveletter. KOL was a lot of me doing guitars etc. Tapes, voices. The rest - I'm just the singer.

Was there ever any talent behind Bad Dream Fancy Dress besides your own? Sounds like you were more involved in the actual creation than, say, Bid was with Would-Be-Goods.
The girls were a hoot. Both had different voices, but they were a laugh. Not stupid, they had balls. We all slept together while recording the LP. No sex between us. We had respect. They were funny, amusing, and liked a beer.

Where are the girls now?
somewhere hot, and gorgeous. Wish I knew.

Please share an amusing story about Momus, or if not amusing, tell us something we may not know about Nick.
Nick has just done some songs for a film called Lowdown. He is also dry and clever and OK.

Nick speaks highly of you and considers you very "cultured".
I've had an interesting few years. I laugh a lot

You have met an enormous amount of your own personal heroes and plenty of mine. Is there someone you would have like to have met that you never have?
Hmm... Stravinsky, Arco Part, Guy Gibson, Oppenheimer, Mr. Ferrari, Architects, Oliver Sachs, Marco Polo, Quentin Crisp, Scott Walker (for his Tilt and Poleax music).

On the "Sunshine Pop" compilation from Cherry Red, you tell an interviewer that you would have probably been a "successful, rich bastard" if you had achieved the kind of status of someone like David Cassidy. Do you mean that?
Yes. Dead too, probably. It took a long time to become me.

It seems you have some of the most integrity of any other artist, save Scott Walker, that I can think of. An incredible ability to reinvent yourself from child star to indie-pop trend buster and on to avant-garde musician extraordinaire. How do you accomplish all these different transitions and stay true to yourself?
Just be true to yourself. Listen to those you respect and do the opposite. Rules are made to be broken. Don't lie. Tell the truth. Secrets are cool, if kept. Be kind. Live everyday as best you can. I've kind parents, faith, and perseverance.

A personal question, and one slightly evil given your current marital situation, but who was your most notorious bed partner?
That would be telling. Once bitten, etc.

Also, uh... I heard, through several sources, that you are gay. What gives?
Bisexuality is the bee's knees. Just love whomever you love, honestly.

You recorded Public Image LTD's "Poptones", obviously as a response to Lydon's critical analysis of pop music, right? Can you shed more light on this?
I enjoyed the Englishness of the lyrics and thought it would get up Lydon's nose too. The idea of strings on a Public Image song seemed a good idea. Still is.

What songs posses the greatest lyrics and/or best melodies according to you?
Songs in foreign languages I don't understand.

Can you think of some basic differences between American musicians from British?
The Atlantic.

Okay, on a more personal note, I have been a fan for a long while. Is there anything that you have that I can get my hands on, like Bad Dream outtakes? Rare vinyl of "Sir" or "Royal Bastard"? Something of that nature?
Alway and I are working on a massive CD selection. The world of (various) SFT. Outtakes, everything will go into the G3, and I'll edit, mutilate and churn out a messed up version of my life.

Tell me something about Mike Alway and your work with him.
I always listen and trust him. I'm a good dog, really.

What is it that Alway is particularly looking for in these songs?
Englishness, and the queen's English pronunciation.

What songs posses the greatest lyrics and/or best melodies according to you?
Songs in foreign languages I don't understand.

How about great songwriters?
um, difficult. Noel Coward, Wagner, Peter Hamill, John Lydon. Ask again next week.

I, being American, missed all the Simon Turner news during the last few decades, so, what was the story of you being Britt Eckland's "toy boy" What the fuck?
Who gives a fuck? Not I.

Sorry. I've really no idea what any of this is about. Don't even know who Brett is. Just going on a quote from an El compilation.
she was married tom Peter Sellars, and lived with Rod Stewart for years.

Turner and Mitchum in a remake of "The Big Sleep".

Okay, on a more personal note, I have been a fan for a long while. Is there anything that you have that I can get my hands on, like Bad Dream outtakes? Rare vinyls of "Sir" or "Royal Bastard". Something of that nature?
Alway and I are working on a massive CD selection. The world of etc. SFT. Outtakes, everything will go into the g3, and I'll edit, mutilate and churn out a messed up version of my life.

When will this be available?
approximately. 2001                                                          

What is your latest solo project?
CD for Lowlands. also Travelcard, for Sulphur Records, with Scanner

What can we expect in the future?
News, and new.

Simon Fisher Turner

WORKS: FILMSCORES

1986 Caravaggio Derek Jarman
1987 The Last of England Derek Jarman
Aria Various
1988 Cycling the Frame Cynthia Beatt
1989 Melancholia Andi Engel
1990 The Party Cynthia Beatt
The Garden Derek Jarman
1991 Young Soul Rebels Isaac Julien
Floating Richard Heslop
1992 Edward II Derek Jarman
Saudade Wendela Scheiterna
Seahouses Ian Dodds
Elenya Steve Gough
The Amonite Murmur Isao Yamada
1993 Blue Derek Jarman
Breaking the Angels Back Ian Dodds
Tour of the Western Isles John Byrne
1994 Loaded Anna Campion
Nadja Michael Almereyda
1995 All Men Are Mortal Art de Jong
National Achievment Day Ben Hopkins
Anton &Minty Alnoor Dewshi

RECORDED WORKS

Simon Turner UK Records
Silence & Widom Papier Mache
Double Happiness Papier Mache
The Snowball Effect Deep Six Records
Caravaggio El Records
Royal Bastard El Records
Sir El Records
Choirboys Gas El Records
The Last of England Ionic/Mute
Melancholia Silver Screen
The Garden Ionic/Mute
Simon Turner II Creation
The Amonite Murmur Uplink c/o
Edward II Ionic/Mute
Blue Mute
Revox Humbug Records
Live Blue Roma Mute
Nadja Mute
Shwarma Mute

MUSIC FOR DANCE

A few Small Nips Rene Eyre 1991
The Body as Site Rosemary Butcher 1993
After the Last Sky Rosemary Butcher 1994
Unbroken View Rosemary Butcher 1995