Nine Lives

(Andrew Green ;2002)

(Lion’s Gate Films)

Nine friends seclude themselves in an old, isolated Scottish mansion for a birthday party weekend bash. Cut off from the outside world by a snowstorm, they explore the old mansion and stumble across a book containing a history of the old estate. Formerly belonging to an old Scot patriot, the house was taken away and his eyes gouged out. Though they pay no attention to the gruesome chronicle, strange behavior soon invades the group and one by one they disappear.

Clearly an attempt to cash in on the recent media attention garnered by Paris Hilton and her pathetic adventures in attention whoring, this is your run of the mill clichéd cookie cutter body count film. Unfortunately it’s a modern version of the much loved subgenre and as such is devoid of any and all gore and T&A. Ms. Hilton is admittedly not as horrible as I was thinking she would be, but she should stick to videotaping herself giving blow jobs. The only redeeming factor is the brunettes actress in the film is spank-a-licious but other than that Nine Lives is a waste of time. Don’t bother.    

Overall Score: 1.5

(Rating scale is out of 5, with 1 being the worst and 5 the best)