1991

 "GABC Tower, continue to "Bravo" then left to the apron, monitor ground, no need to call." "Roger Tower, Bravo, no need to taxi, monitor ground."

1992

 

 After landing at the Soo, the following transmission was heard, "GABC Tower, say your destination." "Roger Tower, ABC is going to the Soo!" 

  " GABC taxi via GOLFTROT !"

 DP slept in for an Evening shift!

 "Telecom 34 Tower, cleared touch and go rwy 22." 

 " GABC Ground, taxi golf and bravo hold short runway 29." " Soo Ground, GABC shord hort runway 29."

  A Tower controller during one of his weak periods! " GABC your radio is very weak. Could you speak directly into the mike or turn up your volume!!!"

 " Tower, GABC. We had a pax who was a bit sick and it's going to be a couple more minutes before we're ready to depart!" You mean he got sick taxiing out to the runway!!! Could be a long trip.

1993

 We won't mention any names.. but a controller, with the initials WC, was heard recording the ATIS. Wait a second WC.... Isn't that the ground mic in your hand...Never mind.. We'll just consider that first one practice, but next time, why not use the ATIS handset. At least you won't have to keep repeating yourself over and over and over....

 "Tower, GABC left base rwy 11, we would like a long landing and a full stop if able." Gee, if your not sure then why not just a normal landing!!

 A certain controller,(his last name is Cull), said that if he were Italian his name would be Cullioni !!!! Wonder what that means.

 GABC reports a dead deer north of Foxtrot. Truck 27 dispatched to scene reports...." a little more rain and a little more sunshine and that deer will have grass growing out of its ass. It's a lump of sod!!

 PR brings young sons to work to test fire alarm and then leaves in a hurry. IT WORKS! THANKS PAUL!!!

1994

 Seen in log book. Author...well...." Deer spotted west of main intersection. Maintenance advised. Deer chased into bush south of rwy 29." An entry a hour later ....." Maintenance crew pursuing deer on skidoos."

Well what do you know, DC observes deer on skidoos! See what happens when the deer have too much money and time on their hands.

 After a 5 hour flight GABC requests " Taxi instructions to the nearest washroom!!!" Ground, "GABC standby!!!"

 TH suggests a new way to do his written test. "This would be a lot faster if I did it orally!!"

 After dodging CB's for a hour GABC advised to report by the Gros CAP. GABC reports by the " Gros CRAP!!"

 TR's ATIS message."...and in remarks ceiling rigid!" Gee that must be hard on the landing gear.

 GABC on his way to the new hanger via Golf and Charlie stops on the apron and requests. " Ground, can I stop here and drop one!" Ground... "Sure.... Does it smell?"

1995

 DP working ground..Ring ring.. "Tower."... No answer. Gee DP, if you used the 427 handset as opposed to the ATIS handset maybe someone would talk to you!!

 " Soo ground ,GABC is on Bravo, request taxi back to the apron for an instructor change." Wow, did you scare him that much? Does he have to change his pants??"
 GABC given a wind check short final, "wind 300 at 15, no need to reply." GABC, " Roger, no need to reply."

1996

 " Sir was that landing intentional or were you shot down!!"

1997

 "GABC squawk 1200 and ident."...... " Tower, we're squawking 1200 but our transponder is U/S."

 " Tower GABC is ready to grow!" ..... Tower, "GABC, that's good..How tall are you now?"

 "Tower Cardinal N1234 ....I'm on my way in to CIU what are your winds in Canada?" ...Tower.." Well I can't speak for all of Canada, but in my little corner they're 240 @ 5 ."

 KO to GABC.. "Runway 12 altimeter calm.."

 "Ground N1234 need to taxi to customs." "N1234 do you have the CanPass number?" " No, it's my first time here and everything seems a bit foreign." That's probably because it is a foreign country!!

1998

  "Tower, GABC on left base rwy 04, for a LAND LONGING !"

This is the best one that I've ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1999

  "Soo Ground, FHTU is on the ramp, request taxi to the active for some airwork at the VOR".

" FHTU, Soo ground, runway 12, winds 360/7, altimeter 2960, taxi foxtrot to runway 12".

............." Soo ground, is runway 30 plowed?, because we'd like runway 30".

" FHTU Soo ground, runway 30 is not plowed but runway 12 is!".

" Roger Soo Ground, we'll take runway 12 then."

 Digging for braking action reports....

"ABC Tower, did you use the brakes at all?"

"No Tower, but the captain says that if he would have used the brakes, it would have been poor." ???

 ABC requests inbound for "hopefully" circuits. Tower clears ABC for a straight in and asks "why hopefully?"

ABC says, "It depends on my student's stomach. All we have in the cockpit is his open gloves!"

Thanks Mr. Brown

I'd love to continue this unofficial log but unfortunately we had our unofficial log book confiscated by previous management and consequently we lost an irreplaceable amount of humour. Too bad. I guess they don't want us to enjoy life!!!!

 There is now a private unofficial log in existence and I hope to have some new postings soon. Let's keep it safe but let's record the funny screw-ups.

Cheers, dc.