Hi Ya'll.....
 
    At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." 
 
"It's the act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard these terms which reference the word

SERVICE:

    Internal Revenue Service
    Postal Service
    Telephone Service
    Civil Service
    City & County Public Service
    Customer Service
    Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word " Service ."    This is not what I thought "service" meant.

    So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to " service " a few of his cows.  BAM!  It all came into perspective.  Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

    I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from Transport Canada and the Transport Inspector arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test...

The Inspector walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the inspector hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously. The inspector winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Polish joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I'm Polish. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's Polish. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's Polish. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

With the passing of the bell ringer at the large Cathedral, the priest put an advertisement in the paper for a bell ringer. Soon after there was a knock at the door. The priest opened the door and to his amazement there was a man there with no arms. "May I help you", the priest said. " Yes", the man replied, " I'm here to apply for the bell ringer job". The priest said, " But Sir you have no arms. How will you ring the bell?" "Oh, don't worry about that. I assure you that I can ring the bell", the man replied.

So the priest thought it over and decided to give the man a chance. The priest said, " It's almost 12:00 and if you can ring the bell 12 times you've got the job."

The priest led the man up to the bell tower and showed him the bell. At the stroke of 12 the man stood back and ran at the bell hitting it full force with his face. The man was doing a good job hitting it 2,3,4,5,6,7 times. However at the 10th dong he started to get dizzy. The 11th hit took its toll and the man started to wobble. On the twelfth run he completely missed the bell and flew right by it and out the window. The poor man splattered on the street far below.

The priest ran down the stairs as fast as he could and when he arrived on the street there was already a large crowd gathered around the motionless man. A police officer yelled, " Does anyone know this man?" The priest yelled back, " No, but his face rings a bell!"

Bob was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son, Mark, standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. Bob thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, Bob walked over to Mark and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

Every night Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left. The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left. The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug nearly beat the life out of Frank and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He explained events of the proceeding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from an accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," said the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question." "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her - how are YOU feeling?'"

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of supplies. "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."

So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."

The foreman is really pissed off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells "SUPPLIES!

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys one tin of beans, one bag of potato chips, one packet of burgers, one tub of ice cream, one cake, one yoghurt and one pint of milk.

He takes them over to the checkout, and the girl looks at what he has bought and asks him if he is single.

The guy says sarcastically "Yea, how'd you guess?"

The girl replies "Cause you're ugly !"

What's the difference between a pilot and a turbine engine?????.....A turbine stops whining on the ramp!!!