| On this page you will find the musings of C.S.Strowbridge on a wide variety of topics. If you study them you might eventually become worthy to speak the name, C.S.Strowbridge. C.S.Strowbridge on ... Canada: The reason Canada is the greatest country in the world is simply. According to the Canadian government one donut is a snack; six are a meal. Dating: So you're looking for a few ways to impress the chicks, eh? Here's a few that have never fail to get a response for me. 1.) Ask her, "Could you use an extra 50 bucks?" 2.) Strip will lip-synching Barry White songs. 3.) Get drunk and say whatever pops into your head. When you start to projectile vomit try and aim away from her. 4.) Speak in a foreign language. If you don't know any make one up. 5.) Lie about your physical attributes and subtly slip them into your day to day conversations. Example: Her: Nice weather we're having. Democracy: That's the problem with a government of the people, the people are morons. Family Values: Remember the old Proverb, "The Family that watches Porn together will soon appear on Jerry Springer." The Human Mind: We're not just a bunch of neurons firing. We're also a complex dance of hormones. The ebb and flow of chemical reactions so complex that modern science is no closer to understanding them then modern man is to understanding modern women. Literacy: To be well read compared to the average American one must simply know what a book is; it is not actually necessary to have seen one in real life. Manners: You should never miss an opportunity to mock those less intelligent than you. Maturity: My sperm has more emotional development then some people here. Mouring: No matter how sad something is, you can always find one asshole willing to make jokes about it. Thank god for that asshole! Movies: What Women Want? What a stupid name for a movie. What Women Want? Women don't know what women want, that's what makes them women. Men, on the other hand, men know exactly what they want: Sex and a winning sports team. And not in that order. Nietzsche: Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "Where there is peace the warlike man attacks himself." With a slight modification it perfectly describe me, "Where there is no one else the asshole insults himself." Nutrition: Reese's Peanut Butter cups are the food of the gods. Think about it, you have Salty, Fatty and Sweet. Add in something Carbonated and you have the four basic food groups. Phobias: I don't have a fear of heights, I have a fear of plummeting to my death. Pseudo-science: Too many people believe in the sanctity of ignorant opinions. Whether it is Feng Shui or Magnetic Therapy or Creationism. If you don't accept this crap as valid alternative to your worldview then you need to be more open-minded. There's a not so fine line between open-minded and gullibility and these people crossed it miles ago. Puns: Puns are the tool of the devil, and you shouldn't touch the Devil's tool. Recreational Activities: Fishing with Dynamite is a fun and relaxing hobby. RIAA: I can't believe anyone would defend the RIAA. They say they are using these lawsuits to protecting Artists, but that's like one drug dealer killing another drug dealer to protect his customers. It doesn't mater who sells them the drugs, the users are still screwed. Safe Sex: If wearing a condom ruins sex for you, then you're doing it wrong. 'Oh don't get me wrong. Sex if ok, if you're into that sort of thing. But if I have to deal with a condom, well then I'd rather watch Baywatch reruns while I masturbate into a sock.' Sex Ed: Teaching abstinence only Sex Ed. to teenagers is like teaching kids to drive by yelling, "CARS ARE DANAGEROUS! THEY CAN KILL YOU! NEVER GET INSIDE A CAR! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stalking: I, C.S.Strowbridge, would never stalk a woman in real life. It's too much like exercise. Famous Quote or Fucked in the Head Here's a list of sayings that just happened to popped into C.S.Strowbridge's head one day. They are either famous quote that he can't remember the source to, or products of his fucked up imagination. She has a smile that makes you want to hide all the sharp objects. I'm thinking of having a sex change opperation. I want to change it from 'Never' to 'Frequently.' I'm sorry I got sperm on you daughter. She has a bounce no Earthly bra could contain. What in the name of Alabama incest are you babbling about? |