#1 - If you have not read this answer AND ALL THE ANSWERS BELOW IT, do it NOW.

#2 - I know that the following items on the pages are broken:

• "Search for this topic now!" icons;
• The search.dsm.org archive search server;
• The pics.dsm.org picture hosting site;
• The brochures.dsm.org picture hosting site;
• Many other links pointing to www.dsm.org.

All of these problems come from problems with www.dsm.org, which is not in my control. There is no need to remind me these particular links are broken.

#3 - I know that there are many links on the site that are broken - 800+ last time I counted. A lot of the work in this site is updating links. If you feel like making a small contribution to my site, please use Google to find the new location of the broken link and email it to me. If not, at least tell me what is broken so I can update them in an intelligent order. Do not email me to ask where a site has moved to.

Remember that there are several different pages to this FAQ, and several hundred links to sites that I do not control. Be certain that I can understand what it is you are referring to. If I can't figure out what you're talking about I will ignore you.

#4 - If you email me, your message had better include the following:

• correct use of English (non-native speakers excepted);
• proper spelling, grammer, and punctuation;
• a complete, concise, and understandable explanation of your suggestion, question, problem, or concern.

#5 - I will not answer emails that have any of the following:

• bad formatting, grammer, or spelling.
• TEXT IN ALL CAPS.
• text in unnecessary colors, fonts, or styles.
• excessive use of contractions, internet acronyms, slang or jargon.
• a question that is ALREADY answered on the 1000AAQ site.
• a question that is listed in a VFAQ.
• a question about a procedure that I have never personally done.
• A question that is too vague to answer, such as:
  • a question without enough context for me to understand what you are asking;
  • a funny sound;
  • why your car doesn't run anymore; or
  • what you did wrong during a rebuild, repair, or refit.
• a question about vehicles other than DSMs.
• a question about where to buy parts, cars, accessories or service in a geographical area other than my own.
• a question about any car make other than a DSM.
• content that is obviously addressed to a group or mailing list.
• a question about the new location of a previously linked site. Use Google for yourself.
• a comment on how unfair I am in any part of this mailing FAQ.

#6 - If you feel like appealing to my emotions, here is my sympathy chart in no particular order:

I am sympathetic towards....	I am unsympathetic towards....
Those who have tried hard to help themselves.	Lazy dumbasses who want to leech off of my life because they can't be bothered to help themselves.
Foreign enthusiasts/owners who have zero local support and have no access to resources normally taken for granted.	North American owners who are too stupid to find local support and the resources freely provided by others.
Female owners who are trying. Women can be raised disadvantaged in this field.	Male (and female) owners who are not trying. You can all learn it, girls included.
Military personnel who may have limited access to information sources.	Everyone else.
Ignorant Canadians and Europeans.	Ignorant Americans, excluding military personnel. You guys have every advantage over the rest of us. (Military personnel on deployment don't, they are disadvantaged.)
People who use their real name and correct email address.	Cowards who write from AOL, Hotmail Yahoo! or other free identity-shield accounts.
Someone who writes like they graduated university with a Ph.D.	Someone who writes like they have graduated kindergarden with bronze star after eating their entire jumbo-size box of Crayolas.

Anyone who tries to impersonate someone in a different category will be ignored.

#7 - For examples of questions that I do not answer, please see the Wall of Shame. These questions are so bad I go beyond simply ignoring them and straight to mocking them. On extra-juicy material I will even occasionally remove all identification (such as names, sigs and email addresses) and forward them on to my local DSMers for our mutual amusement.

#8 - Stop assuming everyone lives in the United States. There are other English-speaking countries in the world. I live in Canada. If your email assumes I am American, it will be ignored.

#9 - Did you read ALL of this? If not, start over.

#10 - I have been forced to construct this FAQ by the large volume of idiot emails I get each week. These rules are nothing more than common sense and common courtesy. Still feel like talking? Email me here. (Constructive criticism, new content, suggestions, and compliments are especially welcome.)

Regards,
Sean Costall
1000AAQ Editor

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