Microsoft Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,,
except father's mouse.,

The computer was humming,,
the icons were hopping,,
As father did last-minute,
Internet shopping.,

The stockings were hung,
next the modem with care,
In the hope that Santa ,
would bring new software.
The children were nestled
all snug in their beds,
With visions of computer games
filling their heads.

Dark Forces for Billy,
Doom II is for Dan,
Carmen Sandiego
for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa
had been sent out by mom,
To santa@toyshop.northpole.com -

Which now had been re-routed
to Washington State
Where Santa's workshop
had been moved by Bill Gates.
All the elves and the reindeer
had had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters
in suburban Seattle.

After living a life
that was simple and spare,
Santa now finds that
he's a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche
in place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington
just down the way

From where Bill has his mansion,
and the old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots
and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options
and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code
for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or tin soldiers
or little toy drums
Will be under the tree,
only compact disk roms
With the Microsoft label.
So spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs
only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles
the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS!
now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE!
you're all of you through,

It's Microsoft's SANTA
that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software
with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less
than the jolly old elf,
And on the package,
a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long,
is Microsoft's theme,
And a merger with Santa
is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ!
To the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away!
dash away - wow!"

And mum in her 'kerchief
and me in my cap,
Had just settled down
for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum
of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new
Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned
by the Microsoft guy.

As I sprang from my bed
and was turning around,
My computer turned on
with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen
was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa,
two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim
in voices so bright,
HAVE A MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS,
and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.