What Love Demands Mark 10:2-16 When I was growing up there was a wonderful couple who were friends of the family. I became quite close to them and spent many hours around their kitchen table sharing the hopes, dreams and concerns in my young life. They were like a second set of parents to me and they remained special people to me into my young adulthood.  One day after I began studying theology and preparing for a pastoral ministry, I visited them and shared some of the things that I was learning in College. They were happy for me and they shared with me one of their concerns with the Church.  They didn't believe in the stand that the Anglican Church took against remarriage of divorced people. At that time in the late fifties remarriage of divorced people was prohibited in our church and there was an attitude that existed in the Church  that divorce was definitely wrong based on the idea that what "God has joined together let no man put asunder". So somehow people who divorced and remarried were considered to be  "living in sin". As a new student in theology, I rigidly stood behind the church's stand on marriage, that it was sacred where two people became one and it could not be broken for any reason whatsoever.  In fact I argued that it adversely affected other people, friends, members of the wider family and especially the children from such a union. It was bad for the couple. It was bad for the family unit.  It was bad for society on the whole.  I remained hard and fast in my stand against divorce. However, after my self righteous pronouncements on the subject, my friends told me that they both had been divorced and were remarried. I was unaware of that. They went on to say that they were truly miserable in the former marrriages but were happy and fulfilled in their present marriage.  They certainly did not see themselves as "living in sin".  They shared with me some of the difficulties that they faced in their previous marriages.  By the time they divorced there really was no marriage at all. Their marriages had ended long before the formality of a divorce. All of this came to me as a surprise and a shock. I loved these people and had to rethink my attitude in regard to divorce and re-marriage and especially toward this loving couple.  I even felt a sense of guilt over what I had said. My rigid attitude was likely to have a harmful affect on my relationship with them. I hoped that it could be healed.  I started to ask questions like: does this rule in the church against divorce and remarriage condemn you to spending the remaining decades of your life with an abusive spouse? Does this law condemn you to misery for the rest of your life.  Does it prevent you from ever having happiness after a marriage fails?  I could no longer look at it without thinking of the circumstances of people's lives * So, how are we to understand Jesus' words in today's Gospel?   He says of marriage: ---they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries commits adultery against her--- (Mark 10:8-11) They seem harsh and unbending. I have to ask "Is Jesus giving a new uncompromising law where no one can be divorced and if they do they can't remarry OR is he giving us a vision or a goal establishing the ideal of a life long marriage?  Is it a vision of what marriage should be or is it a rigid law which in no way could be broken?  I believe that we have to understand this statement on marriage and divorce in context of Jesus whole life and ministry in which he always acted on the higher principle of what love demanded. He acted in love and respect towards women who were oppressed in a patriarchal society.  He dealt with those who were on the fringe of society and outcasts with the same kind of love. He was involved in acts of love and compassion on the Sabbath day which was a violation of Sabbath laws. He answered those who opposed him in these acts by saying that "the Sabbath was made for Man and not Man for the Sabbath". He took circumstances into consideration when facing the reality of people's lives in that time. I think that there was even a compassionate edge to his statement on divorce. The original question that the Pharisees asked Jesus was "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"   He answered in a way that love demanded.  It was a different situation in the days that Jesus spoke these words. Men at that time could obtain a divorce by just announcing it in the presence of witnesses. It was very insecure for the woman.  There was hardly any circumstance that would allow a woman to divorce her husband. Men were accustomed to sending their wifes away for the smallest and strangest reasons: a badly cooked meal, sickness, age, boredom, having falling in love with someone else and there things like that. Jesus answer to the question was somewhat directed to that situation to protect the rights of women. Often women became destitute when divorced with no place to go and no place to be.  Jesus wanted them to know that women could not be disposed of in that way as if they were something that you could throw away after using her for lust or to perpetuate your name. He proposed a higher vision of marriage, one in which there was equality and a commitment to one another that was to be taken seriously. Men and women were to act in the way that love demanded. * We know from experience that when marriages break up and end in divorce that there are wounds and scar tissue that result. There is a lot of baggage to be dealt with. Jesus also showed in his healing ministry forgiveness was possible and that many kinds of wounds could be healed.  This could even be true of marriages when the one flesh is severed and leaves a gapping hole. It takes awhile to be healed and to love again after that but it can and does happen. As one writer has pointed out on commenting of this scriptural passage: All the talk of tearing flesh from flesh made me think about what Jesus has done in relationship to disfigured people so far in the gospel: He cleanses a leper (1:40-45). He forgives the sins of a paralytic and gives him back his legs (2:1-12). He restores the man with the withered hand (3:1-5). He feels power go forth from him when a woman with a hemorrhage touches him for healing, and He takes hold of a corpse's hand to raise a dead little girl to life again (5:21-43). He heals the Syrophoenician woman's daughter from a distance. He puts his fingers in a deaf man's ears and on the man's tongue to give him hearing and speech (7:31-37). He puts spit on the eyes of a blind man, then tries again in order to get the healing right (8:22-26). He takes a boy with an unclean spirit by the hand and heals him (9:14-28) I'm struck by how "in the flesh" all of these activities are.  (Mary Hinkle, Pilgrim Preaching: October 1, 2003) Is Jesus one that would rule out the healing of the fresh-from-flesh wound that divorce is? Jesus gives us vision of what marriage could and should be but we also have to face the reality that all marriages are not like that.  In my own life expereince I went through a separation and divorce after 14 years of marriage. It was a difficult time for my wife and me.  There was lots of heartache and pain in the realization that the union that we once had no longer existed and that living together brought no joy.  One could say that there was no longer any better in "for better, for worse". Even then it was a difficult decision to make in ending the marriage.  I lived on my own for five years seeing the children regularly and spending quality time with them.  I eventually met and married my present wife and am glad to say that we as still happily married after thirty one years.  We have a very supportive family unit including two children from our present marriage and three from my first marriage. My first wife is also part of the family unit.  In a couple of weeks we will celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving and we will gather around the dinner table and everyone of us will share some of the joys and sorrows of the past year and then we will give thanks for the many blessings that we share and especially for the love that is experienced in our family. Over many years the fresh-from-flesh wound of divorce has been healed.  In real life situations we have to always consider what love demands in any given circumstance. Sometimes divorce can even be the most loving response to a broken relationship that has become a painful and unending misery to all concerned.  There can be healing.  Out of it can come renewal. The new life is a gift of God.  You are visitor number UK Online Casinos This free counter  is supplied by Visible Counter Connect with Deacon Sils Homelical resource Also for more sermon and lectionary resources connect to SERMON AND SERMON LECTIONARY RESOURCES   Check Out my daughter's web site CARLY'S STRENGTH THE GODDESS WITHIN MUSIC PROJECT Each year, thousands of women and children become homeless as a result of domestic violence.  "The Goddess Within" music project is designed to empower those whose lives have been affected by domestic abuse and to raise awareness of this issue. "The Goddess Within" compilation album will showcase artists and their songs, written for or relating to those escaping the cycle of violence.  The C.D. will be distributed throughout North America and proceeds from the sale of the C.D. will be donated to women's shelters. More information on the CD is available at ARTISTS FOR CHANGE My daughter Carly is featured on the album with her song The Mask.  The art for cover for the CD album is the creation of another daughter, Mary Anne Molcan. Another site to access is Ending Domestic Abuse * Mary Anne is a very talented artist.  She has a new web site called Faerie Artist where she displays her Art.   You can access her site at: Faerie Artist