My On-Line Fan-Fiction Warning! The following stories may offend. Specifically a disturbing percentage of them contain non-consensual sex and/or sexual violence, but there's lots of other offensive stuff as well. So if you don't want to risk being offended, please go away.

Note (to those who haven't left already): The author absolutely adores onstructive criticism. Or feedback of any sort. On the other hand, lack thereof hasn't shut her up yet. Well, it almost did, but now she's decided to make up her own.

Critics are Raving:

"You're cool!" -I.P. Freeley, Waterloo, ON

"You're cooler than cool!" -Anne Chovie, Cannes

"You're so cool I'm afraid to lick you 'cause my tongue might freeze on!" -Hugh Jass, Butte, Montana

"You're so cool Morimoto could store tuna in you!" -L. Camino, Detroit

"You're so cool you violate the third law of thermodynamics!" -Newton

"Damn but you're cool!" -God

Well, golly, thanks, guys. Sniff. You love me. You really love me. And you know what? You're right. I'm a friggin' genius. Screw all those self-styled "real" people with their quote-unquote "lives". They'll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

(By the way, the above was actually intended as a warning, not an advertisement)

    Stories:

    Ooh, look, I've categorized them, and sorted them alphabetically within each category! Ducks all in a row! Daisies legally spaced!

    Blakes 7:

  • The Adventures of Virgo, Matriarch of the Quarry: a Blakes 7 story (in halfhearted pseudo-screenplay format) written for a mailing list anniversary party thing back in 2001. Homage to (or rip-off of, you say tomato...) The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. So, obviously, humour, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

  • And The Ones That Mother Gives You Don't Do Anything At All: I can't remember the circumstances in which I wrote this, but I strongly suspect it involved a Cronenberg movie marathon, and prescription medication. Mmm, prescription medication. It's a terrible mess, really, nor do I feel any impetus to try and tidy it, but I know if I take it down I'll lose it somewhere. Also...song lyric title.

  • Automatic: I think this was the second piece of fan-fiction I ever wrote. It's big and purple. (tee-hee)

  • (off-site link) Chef-Watch: an Iron Chef homage. Humour. No Travis!

  • Human Bondage Ceremony: this very short and please note deliberately silly Blakes 7 story originally appeared in Forbidden Star Three, edited by Judith Proctor, and appears here with her permission. Any spelling errors are a result of my spastic transcription. And observe: the title is not a song lyric, but rather a terrible pun, in keeping with the episode referenced.

  • I Am Falling: a Blakes 7 story that rips off the movie Groundhog Day. So, like, meta-copyright-infringement. And for a bonus bit of ripping off, a song lyric title.

  • The Killer of Dole Nu Lin: a Blakes 7 story, previously published in ttba, which is now sadly out of print. Compare and contrast with all my never-saw-paper stories to see what a difference a good editor makes. Also said editor came up with the excellent title, which otherwise would have been yet another song-quote. Thank you, Tavia!

  • (off-site link) Not: Travis, Cally, thin plot, bad sex.

  • (off-site link) Poison: possibly my first fan-fiction.

  • Relations: this Blakes 7 story originally appeared in I, Mutoid, edited by the lovely and talented Emma Peel. Thanks, Emma!

  • The Seven Deadly Virtuals: another Blakes 7 story, previously published in Forbidden Star Three. Originally written for the 2000 Labour Day party, the theme of which was "The Seven Deadly Virtues". Humour.

  • (off-site link) Silver: Travis, Inga, sleazy Stockholm Syndrome city.

  • Trap of Glass: another Blakes 7 tale of Travis' trials and tribulations. The year was 1999. The theme of the Labour Day party was "Something New". I threw in somethings old, borrowed, and blue, too, for kicks. The title, as usual, is a song lyric. Sigh. Originally published in Star Four, available here now with permission of the editor. Thank you, Judith! (I typed this in by hand from the zine, so any typos may be blamed on me and my eight-finger transcription. I've got Pathetic Pinky Syndrome.)

  • Uniform: this Blakes 7 story originally appeared in Forbidden Star Three, edited by Judith Proctor, and appears here with permission from and thanks to her. Any spelling errors are a result of my spastic transcription.

    Buffy:

  • Destroying All the Ladies: Very short. Song lyric title.

  • The Monster: another Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Spike and Willow. Such a lovely couple. Or possibly not.

  • Scentless Chamomile: because there's just not enough Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan-fiction in the world. Especially not about Spike. Poor thing. Title actually makes sense in context. To me, at least.

  • Stains: a Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Technically actually (or also) Angel (episode: "In the Dark"). I suck at titles. I was considering calling this "The After Hours", after the Twilight Zone episode referenced. But I didn't. Man, I tell you, that episode scarred me for life. What can I say, I've got issues.

    Miscellaneous:

  • Black Thoughts: Ravenous. It's a movie about cannibalism in the Sierras circa 1847. By golly, if that synopsis doesn't scream homoerotic subtext I don't know what does. The greasy hair! The layers of filthy wool! I am so turned on! Title is found in the movie itself.

  • (off-site link) Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles: I hated L.A. Confidential. Oh, all right, I didn't hate it, all things considered. Anyhow, see, I wrote fan-fiction about it. And I'm actually pleased with the title, as well (which is, you probably know, but a mere substring of the actual full name of "L.A.").

  • Till the Real Thing Comes Along: Memento fan-fiction. It feels so wrong. Like drawing dirty pictures in the margins of the Bible. Title is (gasp!) a song lyric.

  • Sufficiency: Or, for a refreshing change, try some The Passion of Darkly Noon fan-fiction. The what of who when? Exactly. But hey, you never know, maybe someone, somewhere out there, is actually seeking such a thing. Title determined via random bible poking, as per the movie, albeit with some filtering. "'The'? I ain't gonna call it 'The'. Now let's try again."
My Pulp-Space Fan-Fiction
These stories (all Blakes 7) are all miles better than my on-line efforts, having actually been edited by people other than me. People who know how to form complete sentences and spell "court martial" and stuff.

There were originally more stories here, but I've removed them as I've put them up online, but still credit the zines they originally appeared in (and especially the editors thereof).

  • Four Credit Opera in Varia Lectio: in terms of packaging, this is the coolest zine ever. And the stories are great too.
 

Image liberated from the comic-book Preacher. Censored by me, so as not to offend. Well, not without fair warning.

Send all death threats and/or marriage proposals to:
roundpeg at shaw dot ca

Page updated 6/21/03 4:42:06 PM