I had always wanted to go to Africa, and finally realized that dream with Ann in 1993.

We spent six weeks there, so our wanderings around the Dark Continent offered plenty of stories ...

... like the time I got socked in the head by a giraffe, while feeding it at the African equivalent of a "petting zoo" outside Nairobi, near the community of Karen (named for Karen Blixen, a.k.a. Isak Dinsen) of Out of Africa fame ..

... or the time Ann ordered the special of the day at a cafe in Bujumbura, Burundi - then found out halfway through the meal it was goat meat ...

... or the day we went looking for the Jane Goodall Institute, drove way out of town, were turned back by a military blockade and discovered we passed it miles before - but it was closed on Sundays, anyway ...

... then there was the time we spent hours driving around trying to find a well-recommended, inexpensive pizza place, only to find out it was two blocks from the hotel ...

But none of those compare with ...

THE MAD DASH TO THE LONG-DROP

The first night we camped in the Serengeti, our trip leader warned us it was best to go to the long drop (African slang for "outhouse") with another person once the sun started to go down at night. The outhouse was about 100 yards from camp and at night, wild animals like lions, hyenas, etc. are prowling through the bush in search of food.

An Australian girl named Haley had to go, and asked Ann to accompany here. About 10 minutes later, we hear these female voices yelling from the long drop, "Help! Come and take us back to camp!"

It turns out Haley was doing her business while Ann stood outside. Peering into the darkness she saw not one but two pairs of eyes staring back at her from about 30 yards away.

She then uttered the now classic line: "Haley, I'm comin' in - whether you're done or not!" and practically bowled her over as she charged into the little shack.

Three of us males went over to help them out, smugly giving them all kinds of grief about needing "a man to bail them out" of their peril in the African bush, something I'm sure did not sit well with either of these independently-minded ladies.

Ann's independence and female dignity eroded further when one day she had to do ...

THE ANTS IN YOUR PANTS SHUFFLE

One of the nastiest critters you can encounter in Africa is also one of the smallest: soldier ants.

We ran into a column of them while tracking gorillas in Zaire, and one of them managed to get inside my boot and bite me on the toe, a sensation not unlike a bee sting.

The last night we were in Tanzania before heading into Malawi, we camped in an open area that was part of a compound for a company that was doing some work in the area. The next day, Ann was helping one of the other girls take down her tent when she suddenly started jumping around, swatting her legs like crazy.

It turns out she'd been standing in a nest of soldier ants, they had climbed up into her pants, and the only way she could  get relief was to shuck her pants, much to our amusement and the even greater amusement of a pair of locals who'd stopped to laugh at this silly-looking white woman stripping down to her gotchies!

She regained some of her dignity while negotiating a big deal in a little town near the border ...

WHEELING AND DEALING FOR MASAI FIGURES

Ann and I both loved the bartering and negotiating that went back and forth with any street transaction in rural or urban Africa.

Although I built quite a reputation as someone who would trade anything I owned (hats, T-shirts, my shoes) to gain a bargain, Ann herself earned a real compliment while negotiating for a pair of carved ebony Masai figures in a little Tanzanian town. She was proving to be no easy touch, and one of the merchants realized this, so he pulled out a wooden stool, set it behind Ann and patted it, saying, "Here, you sit here."

That was a tacit admission that they knew it would be a long, drawn-out process, an activity they loved, I might add.

Both sides finished the negotiations feeling they had come away with a good deal.

Whatever dignity she gained in that exchange, though, I think she lost on the Zambezi during the ...

SUNDOWNER BOOZE CRUISE

Part of our tour included a sundown cruise by houseboat up and down a calm portion of the Zambezi River. What the travel brochures do NOT tell you is the fact the boat is a floating bar, with all the wine or beer you can drink in three hours, at no charge.

I was sick at that time, suffering from swallowing too much of the river during a whitewater rafting trip, so all I could keep down was a ginger ale.

That's okay ... Ann drank enough for both of us.