Astro Humour by Marelon
Planets go for a Walk - Chapter 3
(Prelude: In the previous chapter... Mercury was occupied with trying to work out who had told Pluto about Venus' plot. It was driving him completely crazy not to know, so he decided he needed to question the other gods. He began with Saturn, because at least that old codger could be trusted to keep information to himself. Nothing, sniffed Mercury, drove him nuts more than people who couldn't keep their mouths shut!
So the planets are still up to their various machinations! )
"Don't be an ass," Saturn told Mercury repressively.
"Even Venus has more brains than to think
she could steal Jupiter's thunderbolts." He snorted. "And what would
she want them for? Only
Jupiter can control them."
Mercury was both astonished and stung. He had been so wrapped up in finding out where the story had come from, that he hadn't stopped to think about its possible validity, which was embarrassing. He decided he had business elsewhere and quickly walked away from Saturn. He acknowledged he had been a tad hasty to swallow Pluto's story, but in his estimation, Saturn had, as usual, been unnecessarily mean. The more he thought about it, the more Mercury realized he'd been set up, and he'd fallen for it. Beyond embarrassment, there was the very real danger he was intended to be a patsy, that he was intended to attract the wrath of one of the more powerful gods.
The more he thought about being set up, the more he thought he might just have to work out a counterplot. He didn't much mind being caught passing along a story, after all, he was as entertained by stories as he was by the truth, and he often didn't worry overmuch about the distinction. However, he knew the only way to keep from becoming a patsy was to make sure he got someone else in worse trouble than he might be in. He looked thoughtfully at Uranus, who could never resist being an oddball. He considered Neptune, who was easily led astray by promises of fantastic windfalls, but who couldn't be relied upon to remember his lines. Then there was Sun, no, better forget the Sun. He'd been a might testy ever since the cattle-stealing incident. Some people had no sense of humour.
Then Mercury's eyes fell on Mars. Now, Mars wasn't stupid but he was easily inflamed - and an inflamed Mars might just be rash enough to challenge Pluto. Oh, yes, this offered possibilities.
In the meantime, Juno was still trying to coax Venus to see Chiron, who could assess the alleged rash on Venus' back. Venus, however, detested all centaurs and was not about to submit to being examined by one, however wise a healer he might be.
"He's disgustingly ugly," she protested, digging in her heels. "I'm not going to let him put his hands on me. Yuck, what a horrible idea." And indeed the more she thought about it the more determined she became. "I am not going to set foot out of this restroom until someone else helps me!"
As it happened, this was exactly the announcement that Juno was waiting for.
"Well," she temporized, pretending to think hard. "I suppose we could try those herbs that Vesta showed me last week. She assured me they would cure any rash." She hesitated, as if not sure that was the best way to proceed. Naturally as soon as Venus was certain she was not being pushed into it, she decided it was absolutely the best way to proceed.
"Yes," she nodded. "That sounds good. Will they hurt?"
"I don't believe so," answered Juno, crossing her fingers behind her back. "I tell you what, I saw some as we were on our way here, so you wait here and I'll go and collect them and come right back."
Venus agreed readily, although she was beginning to get over her initial panic and was experiencing some misgivings. She was in the habit of behaving as if she didn't care about anything except attracting men, but the truth was she was neither as stupid or as one-track- minded as she acted. Stretching around in front of the mirrors in the restroom, she leaned this way and that, but try as she might, she could see nothing amiss on her back. She tapped a long, perfectly manicured nail on the counter thoughtfully. Was there, she wondered, any chance that Jupiter's notoriously jealous wife had her, Venus, in her crosshairs?
Back at the rest spot, the male gods were getting restless to get on with their walk, and were starting to grumble about how long the ladies were taking in the restroom.
"What on earth do they DO in there, anyway?" wondered Saturn. "I think we should set a time limit on how long they can spend in a restroom at any one time."
Vesta, who had returned by this time, thought Saturn had a good idea, because she often got bored waiting while the other goddesses fixed their makeup and hair and checked out their clothes. However, Pallas, who detested all attempts to control, took Saturn to task.
"Do you have to try to impose limits on everything?" she asked. "Can't you just learn to accept that there is more to life than being efficient? Some of us like to make ourselves attractive." She looked pointedly at Saturn's well used robe. It was still in excellent condition, but he'd had the same one for years and refused to buy another one until the old one wore out.
Neptune joined the dispute. "I think the ladies look stunning. We should just leave them alone to do what they need to do."
Saturn regarded Neptune with a cold stare. "You would let anyone do anything, you ninny," he retaliated. "They put on all this makeup and you think they look lovely. But it's all artificial!"
"So what?" replied Neptune.
"So, they don't actually look like that," answered Saturn with exaggerated patience. "You fall in love with an illusion."
"So what?" replied Neptune.
Saturn sighed, then tried again, although it was an old argument that neither ever won. "Their looks aren't real! How can you put up with all that phony makeup and think they look better? You aren't dealing with reality! Doesn't that bother you?"
"Reality, shmeality," scoffed Neptune. "Reality, Mr. Concrete-Mind, is an illusion. So what is the difference?"
This was the point in the quarrel where Saturn always lost his cool. It was so flagrantly stupid, in his estimation, to call the obviously REAL trees and ground around them, an illusion. But it was impossible to get Neptune to admit it. Just the same, Saturn tried once more.
"The difference is, you space-cadet, that we can walk on real ground but we wouldn't get very far walking on imaginary ground, now would we?"
Neptune grinned cheerfully at Saturn. "You couldn't," he agreed readily, "because you don't think you could. I, on the other hand, recognize there is no difference between this illusion you call reality, and any other illusion I choose to dream up."
That did it. Saturn told himself he was arguing with an idiot but he was beside himself with indignation. "Reality is reality, imagination is imagination. Period. There is no similarity! Get that through your sea-water soaked brain!"
Neptune disliked being yelled at but he was not going to let Saturn get the last word. "It's ALL our imagination," he countered, "We dream it all, what looks like reality and what looks like a dream, we are dreaming them both."
"You talk in riddles," hollered Saturn. "What you say doesn't make any sense at all! Reality is OUT THERE, right in front of you! Your imagination is all in your head."
"They are BOTH all in my head," replied Neptune.
Saturn actually laughed! "Well," he said, calming down somewhat, "At least we can agree on that! For you, it is all in your head." He threw up his hands in dismissal and walked away, looking for the sensible Vesta. Talking with Neptune always made Saturn feel like he'd just been inside a house of mirrors, where reality got distorted into weird shapes. Vesta was just the antidote he needed.
Juno, meanwhile, had found some wonderful looking leaves. They exuded a milky sap that turned sticky, but they had a nice fragrance. With any luck, she thought, they'd produce a thoroughly nasty reaction! She gathered up the leaves, being careful not to crush them, and hurried back to the restroom where Venus awaited. Time was running short. None of the gods were noted for their patience; at any moment one of them might come to see what was causing the delay. That would never do. Juno wanted to be quite alone with Venus for just a few more moments!
(To be continued ...Vesta's story will be in chapter four, Saturn and Neptune got into a quarrel which took up a significant part of Chapter Three, so blame them for the delay on Vesta! They've all taken on an alarming life of their own. Heaven only knows what they will get up to next!)
©Marelon Bjorkaes, Marilyn Waram 2002 - first printing rights granted to Anne Massey
