Sigh
Written By –Angyl-
A bit about me should be the start to this story. I am 39 years old. I stand 5’10 and I weigh almost 300 lbs. Okay yeah I am on the bigger side. I am also hairy. I guess you might call me a bear, whatever the fuck that means. I am balding. Not sure what else I can tell you. My cock is not the greatest. I am only 6.5” when hard. I am a bit shy about my looks, for which I have no idea why.
Okay so do not get me wrong, I was not always the way I am now. Granted I have always been on the bigger side, but I was not unhappy with the way I look. I have known since I was a young guy I was gay. It my friend Pat that showed me the joys of gay sex, well not really, all we ever did was making out. He did try sucking me off once and that did not work out. He tried to get me to suck him off but I was not ready for that. I also did things with cousins. Mostly it was sucking them off, but nothing more. Except for one, we got together several times. I remember on time rimming him, even though back then I had no idea about what I was doing. The last time I did anything with him was sucking him off in my bedroom at my place.
When I began at my job shortly after turning 18, I met a guy named Brad. Brad was the first guy I let stick his cock in me. It hurt like hell, but I just let him do it. Eventually I lost contact with him. It was also during my stint at this job I got the chance to suck off a few other co-workers. The first was Derrick. I sucked him off in the store the first time, and then he sucked me off. Then he again sucked me off a few weeks later, but I did not return the favor. Let me think about it for a minute. Well I learned through him another co-worker was bi, and low and behold I got to suck him off. This was at his apartment. That same night while he slept, his brother and I sucked each other off. Good the boi was hung. Sadly he began to panic and we never did anything else, even though I wanted to. Things slowed down for a while after that.
A few years ago I had not issues getting a guy to come over. Actually I had no issues from the time I was 25, before that I really was not into the dating thing too much. I really kept to myself back then. Once I broke out of the shell I just went for it.
So the first guy I got with was Kirtus. He was 14 when we met I think I was 27. We really sis not so anything until he was 16. We started dating. Usually the only thing we ever did was I sucked him off, rimmed him a few times, and once I fingered him until I made him cum. We would still be together but it got to a point I could not deal with his shit. I admit we were still dating when I had the others
Terry was my next. I was 29 and he was 16. He was bi, but I had a way with him. I fucked him several times, and he even sucked me off. Eventually that ended. I hooked up with him a few times after that, and fucked him, but we never got together again.
I think I went through a string of play toys during this period of my life. I could list all the bois I have done stuff with but I think it would just depress me even more.
As I sit and write this I am trying to figure out where things changed for me. It really is hard to figure out. The last guy I was with was Johnny. We were together for three years, and we did have a few bois that we shared. I even got a few bois of my own, but he would get pissy and steal them away. Eventual I gave up and not long after we ended up parting ways.
Well I did have one friend that I fucked a few times when mom and sis were away. I even took nudes of him which I later destroyed. I got off once watching him fuck himself with a dildo I had given him. Sadly nothing became of it. He went his way and I went mine. To this day we are still the best of friends.
I do have someone who comes over when the need arises. He likes to suck me off and then jerk off all over me. Not that I do not mind, I just wish we could have more I admit I would really like him to fuck me. I am not sure if he would or not.
The best was hooking up with a guy online and meeting him. We went to a secluded place nearby, and I sucked him off right in his truck. We definitely want to get together and have more fun, but the timing is never right.
Oh and then I have the guy who used to live down the street from me. He came over and sucked me off the first time we hooked up. Then the next couple times we did each other. I don’t know what became of him. I know he moved to the wet end, but other than that he does not really talk to me anymore.
I have had a guy suck me off in a park once. A few weeks ago he came over and I tried to fuck him, but I could not keep it up. I am not sure if I do not desire him that way or not, because he had me hard when he sucked me off. Weird how that shit worked out. I mean I wanted to fuck him, but I just could not perform. Maybe some time if he calls me back. I think he was totally upset. I know he wanted it bad. He offered to fuck me but I am not sure I could handle his cock. He is a big boi.
Okay so I have had some fun, but sometimes all I really want is a boyfriend. Is that too much to ask? Okay the one night stands are okay, but as I get older I am beginning to realize I need more than just a quick fuck and suck. Will I ever get that? Fuck me if I know what will happen. I have a fucked up sex life, and no love life. SIGH!!!
The End
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