We are excited to have a representative from Adoption Options come to our Subsequent Pregnancy Meeting in December to talk about open adoption. Some families who have experienced multiple losses look to adoption as a way to fulfill their dreams of having a complete family. Mai Anh Le Van is an angel mommy who decided to adopt through Adoption Options. She will also be on hand to share her story and answer any questions you might have. Thank you, Mai Anh, for sharing your experience. Everyone is welcome to attend.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

7:00 to 9:00 p.m.

FCSS Office in Sherwood Park

2001 Sherwood Drive

Please come in the rear/library entrance and proceed up the elevator to the second floor.

Every family grieves in their own way, in their own time. For some bereaved families, the thought of going through an anxious subsequent pregnancy is just too much to bear. For some parents there may be complicated fertility issues. In addition, many families may reach the conclusion that their loss is pointing them in another direction...to the adoption option. There are so many beautiful children in the world who need forever families, so please take your time to explore the links on this page. It may be the beginning of an incredible journey for you!!!

IN ALBERTA AND CANADA:

Adoption Council of Canada

Canada's Waiting Kids

Information on Adopting in Alberta

Adoption Options; 780.433.5656

Alberta Foster Parent Association (AFPA) 780.429.9923

Catholic Social Services – Adoption Program 780.424.3545

Information on International Adoption from Alberta

Adoptive Families Assoc. of BC

ABI Adoption Society of Alberta 780.479.5268

OUTSIDE CANADA:

North American Council on Adoptable Children

Adoptive Families of America

National Adoption Centre

Adoption Institute

Pact Adoption Alliance

Please keep in mind that adoption does not preclude families from experiencing another loss. Unfortunately, adoption placements can fall apart; and sometimes in private adoptions, the birth mother can change her mind and decide to keep her baby.

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief—but the pain of grief is only a shadow, when compared with the pain of never risking love."

~Hillary Stanton Zunin~

"Somehow destiny comes into play.

These children end up with you and you end up with them.

It's something quite magical."

~Nicole Kidman~
Adoptive parent

A baby is a miraculous gift from God, no matter how one receives it. Some are given the ability bear them, others the ability to rear them.

~~~~~~~~~

To My Daughter…

By Cindy Haugen

I have a hole in my heart

since you’ve been gone.

It aches and weeps,

longing to be filled.

An echo of emptiness.

A ring of familiarity.

Mother guilt.

Broken heart.

In the Word I find some peace.

Pieces to patch the pain.

You were never really mine.

Only His—

Like the ones before you.

I can only surrender.

He knows your destiny—

I am but a step along the way.

Baby steps.

Peace to patch the pain.

A Grief Revisited*

By Cindy Haugen

As many of you know, my family and I have been providing foster care to a special little girl for the last eight months. Our intention was to adopt this sweet girl once all the i’s were dotted and t’s were crossed. It is with great sadness we report that for various reasons beyond our control, our plans have not come to fruition. Our little girl moved away this January.

The last eight months have been an incredible roller coaster ride. We went from the excitement of expectant parents, to the disillusionment and anxiety that things were not as they initially seemed to be—and back again. We felt like hurdlers running an endless race. Just as we would celebrate surmounting one hurdle, another would pop up in its wake, before we had time to recover from the last one. Eventually we became too exhausted and decided we must withdraw from the race—for the sake of our own health and well-being.

After we made this difficult decision, Rob and I felt somewhat relieved. But that was short-lived. It was replaced by fear about the days ahead. We worried: When would she go? Where would she move? Could we still be a part of her life?

As we lay in bed eluding sleep on one of those anxious nights, Rob said he felt just like he did when Bret, our stillborn baby boy, died. We discovered he had died two to three weeks before he was born, and rather than being induced the doctor recommended we wait for labour to start on its own. I felt like a walking coffin. Waiting. Waiting for the worst. That is what we were doing yet again.

And as the days have passed since she left, I find myself fluctuating between some old, familiar emotions: Anger at ”the system” and her biological mother for not doing what was in her best interest; Guilt for letting her go; Fear that I will never see her again, and that those sad blue eyes will forever haunt my dreams; Helplessness at not being able to change what needs to be changed; complete Sadness at losing her and everything she encompasses—strawberry shortcake dreams… ponytails…dancing blue eyes… delicious mud pies…butterfly kisses…and sunshine smiles. I’ll never forget you, Sweetie.

It has been really hard to concentrate at work and with Angel Whispers. (I apologize for the tardiness of this newsletter). But just when I’m feeling pretty good, I have a “grief burst” (as coined by Dr. Alan Wolfeldt) that sets me on the seat of my pants! It can be triggered by seeing a little girl that looks her, or something I know she would like in Walmart, or making one of her favorite foods, such as spaghetti and meat sauce or pizza pops. It can happen when I scan the TV guide and can only see programs she would like to watch. At these moments my arms ache to hold her—and what hurts the most is that I know whatever I am feeling pales in comparison to what she must be going through.

I am eternally grateful there are two things I have to help me cope this time, which I lacked when we lost Bret. These are faith and hope. Faith that He has a plan for her and will be her Father—even though I can’t be her mother. Faith that if she were meant to be with us, He would have answered all those anxious prayers and made it happen. Finally, I have the hope that things will get better—I’ve been here before. This is a grief revisited. I know it is okay to cry. Rather than seeing my grief as a black hole with no way out, I know it is more like a dark tunnel. If I keep touching the walls, stumble along and feel my way through it, I will eventually reach the light.

*NOTE: Originally written January 2005*