Cool Phrases Carp Fishing on Valium (actual book title found in UofC) FOIP - fuck off, it's private Our candles aren't itchy, please don't scratch them. (candle stall, market mall) Do you have anything sporty, like say tuna? (bomb dude from Atlantis) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? Violence doesn't solve anything. Blackmail does. God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th. Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye. I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. (Groucho Marx - Duck Soup) All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. (Steve Martin - Bilko) Claus' ultimate motivations for annual gift-giving orgy remain unclear. (Forbes Fictional 15) Friend's Quotes - aka How to Embarrass Your Friends ALI I'm the master of worshipping Patricia. I'm so good at it, you can't even tell. Whatever possessed someone to milk a cow? Did they have a sudden urge to [pull on the udder]? Nicole's never in a bad mood ... does that go for all crazy people? If you love me, you have to love ALL of me. [Why is that ambulance there?] It's a retirement home; they're making rounds. I'm like your Jiminy Cricket. CANDACE I want my kids to be smart, [pause] so maybe I should have my own kids. (on the possibility of surrogate mother) I was a skankful ninja. (her Halloween costume 2005) If you have a gold cape, you've got to have a gold cane to go with it. GREG Monkeys can fly: Monkeys have wings -- flying, flapping, flounder! The Fellowship is complete -- without any weapons, of course. Sam shall be sacrificed for the good of the swarm. (playing LotR card game) Judas is in Jesus Jail ... Jesus Jail: for Heaven's delinquents. Pick rabbit, pick rabbit! No, wait. I think it's a gnome, but pick rabbit anyway. (HP trivia) [Seamus Finnigan calls himself 'half and half'. To what is he referring?] Gender! (HP trivia) I tried to pick Andrew's lock with a stick of bread. 20th century pears for the 20th century taste. (at Safeway) Peas and macaroni: the fancy man's meal. Macaroni is the bread and butter of college life. HENRY 8AM exams are like taking a test straight out of a coma. JASON I remember when I was in my prime... (20 years old) Spaghetti is my favorite. My mommy makes it yummy. Little lamb, [come over here]. I came over here and what did I see? A fluffly little lamb (you [auj]) and you know what I said?: Fluffy ... crikey, you're fluffy. JOHNSON That would be unfair if the woman has to stand there and put her back AND ass into it. (when I sang the wrong lyrics to Baby Got Back) JORDAN I like dressing upper. NIKI Jiggle, jiggle; I'm a gigolo. Ellen, come over here... see, here's the thing... I flushed the toilet and instead of everything going down... IT'S ALL COMING UP!! (in Bamfield) Would somebody turn me on? (Manning the lights @ Med Show Rehearsals) NORMAN At least I don't like girls like you do. (trying to insult Karina) PATTY I thought I saw some books over there. (in UofC bookstore) Where did my head go? (making a bracelet) I'm like Barbie, only short and furry. (being dressed up in Grade 12) THANH That monkey ain't got no tail yo. TOM Why you gotta be like that? Don't worry about it. Manzo's Quotes my Intro Soci and Deviance Soci prof I think there should be an F+ for people who almost pass. This is a multi-paradigmatic menu, and I am utterly agnostic as to my choice of beverage. Can you help me? Canadians tend to stand 6 feet from the ATM when they're waiting to use it to show that they're not criminals. All I know about cars is that if they hit you, it hurts. Convenience store owners have the roles of 'money-taker', 'slurpee-maker', and 'robbery victim'. I get my best insights on the bus. So if you want to be a sociologist, by all means, take public transit. My brother and I killed a turtle ... we sprayed perfume on it because it stank. We thought it would help because it worked on my sister. God, these memories are so traumatic for me to remember. I want to get MTV Satellite for the rap music, because it's really important for me to keep up with the lingo. Old people go on cruises to die, much the same way they used to be put on ice floes and pushed away. We didn't have Northern Lights in Chicago. We had a lot of pollution -- which almost looked like Northern Lights sometimes. If you invested in RSPs when you were 3, like you were told, you'd be able to retire by now. For many men, the brain is not in the head, but in another part of the anatomy. So, say there is a person who wears an A&W bear costume and a person with an A&W Chubby Chicken costume... they will have sex like that. [pause] You know, this is what we should be teaching kids these days. This is definitely safe sex. (re: furries subculture) Life is despair and hopelessness. You have so much to look forward to. God, I really like sweater season: it's so easy to mix and match. For all you wanna-be's out there. It's not an invasion if you elbow in the door or shoot it down western-style. You have to kick it in. [Had the contents of a perfume bottle poured down his back] If someone had done the next logical thing, which is to light a fire, then I'd say the Labelling Theory doesn't work. We're not talking about the power of words; we're talking about the power of fire. Because fire can scar just as much as words. The most evil force in the world are people who use paper cups to bake muffins, and make them all soggy. The second most evil force is Hirschi [famous Soci prof, pronounced 'hershey']. My sister was making coffee for my dad and I asked, "What's that?" and she said, "It's candy," and handed me a spoonful... Babies are evil. When you see a baby and you say, "Coo coo coo," the baby spits on you. That is NOT cute. Babies become deviant through inadequate socialization. Do you know how many babies there are waiting to stab you in the back?!