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Fattening the Goose

“’Tis the season to be careful, because shortbread’s made with butter, baby.” I heard this on an elevator in December a few years ago. Shortbread is made with butter. Well, I certainly hope so, anyway. I am not interested in healthy abominations masquerading as shortbread. Real shortbread isn’t healthy, but neither is it deleterious, unless you have a medical problem or a love-hate relationship with self-control. I do not want some dry biscuit made from fake ingredients and the whole-grain equivalents of the proper components that has the virtue of being able to be eaten every day without packing on the pounds. I would rather have one, maybe two seriously good cookies that I can glory in, seriously revel in the deliciousness, than an entire batch of faux treats.

My mother understood this; even at the height of her wheat germ frenzy of healthy, homegrown, and organic foods, shortbread was made with white flour, confectioners’ sugar, and butter. A pinch of salt, a pinch of powdered ginger, and some serious time with the hand mixer, and you pretty much have her recipe, in fact. There were a lot of Christmas and New Year’s treats in the house during the month of December, and quite honestly, I’d be hard-pressed to tell which were my favourite: shortbread cookies, butter tarts, kalter-schnauze, Nanaimo bars or, from the savory set, coiled garlic sausage, funky cheeses, Ritz crackers and creamy dips. It scarcely mattered. Every door in the kitchen opened to another delight.

The sweets were somewhat rationed, but not cruelly. Snacking between meals was generally frowned upon in all but the most dire of circumstances throughout the year so, aside from the odd stolen cookie that we were sure we had gotten away with undetected, the goodies stayed in their tins until after dinner, or company arrived. On actual feast days, such as Christmas or New Year’s Day, there were no limits in effect other than our own greediness, but no one ever came to grief over it.

The newspapers this month are full of helpful tips on how to avoid gaining weight during the holidays. Choose air-popped fat-free popcorn over cookies or squares, exhorts one killjoy article. Most of the ideas seem to be based around the notion of filling up on calorie-neutral food, so you won’t have room for the more treacherously butter-laden goodies on the seasonal trays. This is certainly fine in theory, but after a few handfuls of popcorn, most people are going to lose their cool and go ballistic on the chocolate tray. It’s fundamentally unsuccessful as a strategy.

Now, I do recognise that some people have medical conditions that necessitate taking great care over what sort of goodies they allow themselves, and can preclude entire categories of food. This feels grossly unfair, especially to the newly diagnosed, but these are not the people at whom the majority of these articles are aimed. No, the newspapers and certain magazines are casting their nets over the waters of the insecure holidayers who know they don’t exercise as much as they ought and who are either packing an extra few pounds or are deeply, profoundly concerned that they might gain weight just by looking at photographs of rich food.

Even worse, are the condescending suggestions regarding what to drink. I am all for reminders to everyone that they be sure to find alternate ways to driving home if they plan to drink alcohol. I have no objection to ads for designated drivers, roadblocks, and other “drink responsibly” campaigns. What I don’t need or want is finger-wagging lectures about the number of calories in eggnog. Yes, fine, if you’re watching the calories, spiced apple cider is certainly the smarter beverage and heck, it may even be preferable, as not everyone grooves on eggnog – for reasons that vary from content, to texture, to concept. If you do like eggnog, though, you shouldn’t have to endure the burden of someone else’s discomfort lurking in the back of your head as a hitch-hiking side-order to your holiday cheer.

There seems to be something of a cultural disconnect, where on one hand, we are bombarded with eggnog lattes and endless packages of cookies and chocolates as host/ess gifts and around the office, where almost everyone I know is involved in a cookie-exchange or planning to give holiday baking as Christmas presents, and the other hand which sermonizes the evils of excess, castigates us for our greediness, and shames us into thinking that we have some moral obligation to refuse anything and everything that might be both seasonal and tasty.

It’s true that I am a big believer in eating healthfully, which is obvious to those who read my articles, listen to me talk about food, or peruse the recipes that I’ve adjusted by finding ways to lighten the caloric fat-load and improve nutritional profiles. These are not holiday foods: they are the lifesblood that is dinner on the table every night, tasty items for regular snacking, and lunches that don’t put me into a comatose stupor of digestion until 2:30pm every day. I strongly believe that most of our meals and snacks should err on the healthy side. These ideas get put on the backburner, however when it comes to holidays; a little chocolate on Hallowe’en, a little shortbread and eggnog at Christmas, a spectacular dinner of whatever you love best on your birthday, and damn the calories, ratios, fat-grams, carbs, or whatever you happen to be monitoring. That’s living.

There are always holiday treats that are going to be both delicious and non-detrimental by whatever yardstick you’re using, and there is always going to be someone, somewhere, who is horrified at what you are eating. You chose the spiced apple cider and a slice of fat-free angel food cake with raspberry sauce? My goodness, don’t you know that all that sugar is dreadful for you? A Nanaimo bar? Good grief, so much fat in the coconut and chocolate alone, and then there’s the sugar on top of that! Lethal, I tell you. How much extra time at the gym is that going to take, just to work it off?

Part of the problem is that, as a society, we generally have trouble with the notion of moderation, and are skilled enough at self-deception to honestly have no clue how many tiny mince tarts we’ve already eaten. Combined with our superb rationalization skills, it really isn’t a stretch to find ourselves chomping our way through the holidays just in time to be smitten by regrets as we size up our fancy New Year’s garb.

I think that I have a better strategy for making it through the holidays: eat regular meals, and choose the healthiest things you’ve got in your repertoire for December and January (when those New Year’s resolutions kick in). If you eat three decent sized meals each day, you’re less likely to find yourself sneaking over to the goodies/baddies table and surreptitiously tucking extra sugar cookies into your shirt-cuffs, because you have food in your system already. If you’ve already eaten lunch or dinner, you’re far less susceptible to the allure of the many pastries that might be available. Want a shortbread cookie, or a chocolate, or Nanaimo bar for dessert? Have it. If you’re full of dinner, you’ll be less likely to find yourself on your fifth sweet of the evening, guiltily hoping that your pants still fit tomorrow. For goodness sake, though – let yourself have something unmitigated. Savour the joy. Happy holidays.
 

December 2005